I'm sorry that you haven't gotten much email from me lately. It's because I'm tired. For a couple years I've been blaming it on...
propus: 18 Oct 2004
I'm sorry that you haven't gotten much
email from me lately. It's because I'm
tired. For a couple years I've been
blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of
vitamins, dieting and a dozen other
maladies. But now I found out the real
reason. I'm tired because I'm
overworked.
The population of this
country is 237 million. 104 million are
retired. That leaves 133 million to do
the work.
There are 85 million in
school, which leave 48 million to do the
work. Of this there are 29 million
employed by the federal government. This
leaves 19 million to do the work.
Four million are in the Armed
Forces, which leaves 15 million to do
the work.
Take from the total the
14,800,000 people who work for State and
City Government and that leaves 200,000
to do the work.
There are 188,000 in
hospitals, so that leaves 12,000 to do
the work.
Now, there are 11,998
people in Prisons. That leaves just two
people to do the work.
You and me.
And you're sitting there reading
humor email. No wonder I'm tired; I'm
the doing ALL of the work myself.
Friends of women: A wife was not at home for a whole night. So she tells her husband, the very next morning, that she stayed at her girlfriend's apartment over night. So the husband calls 10 [...]
banc precedent A man follows a woman out of a movie theatre. She has a dog on a leash. He stops her and says, I'm sorry to bother you, but I couldn't help but notice that your dog was really into the movie. [...]
banc următor
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for
several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an
argument and neither of them wanted to
concede their position..
As they passed a barnyard of mules,
goats, and pigs, the husband asked
sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminică, 30 Mai 2010
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets
pulled over by a Cop. He thinks he is
smarter than the Cop so he decides to
have some fun at the Cop's expense.
Cop says:
- License and registration, please.
Lawyer says:
- What for?
Cop says:
- You didn't come to a complete stop at
the stop sign.
Lawyer says:
- I slowed down, and no one was coming.
Cop says:
- Exactly! License and registration,
please.
Lawyer
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 22 Noiembrie 2005
A young husband comes home one night,
and his wife throws her arms around his
neck: "Darling, I have great news:
I'm a month overdue. I think
we're going to have a baby! The
doctor gave me a test today, but until
we find out for sure, we can't tell
anybody."
The next day, a guy from the electric
company rings the door-bell, because the
young couple hasn't paid their last
bill:
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 31 August 2004
Due to increasing products liability
litigation, American liquor
manufacturers have accepted the
FDA's suggestion that the following
warning labels be placed immediately on
all varieties of alcohol containers:
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may
leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your bra and panties.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may
make you think you are whispering
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 7 Martie 2005
A guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan
meets him, shows him doors to three
rooms, and says he must choose one spend
eternity in.
In the first room, people are standing
in shit up to their necks. The guy says
"no, let me see the next room."
In the second room, people are standing
with shit up to their noses. Guy says no
again.
Finally, Satan opens the door to the
third room. People are standing
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Februarie 2006
1. Project Manager is a person who
thinks nine women can deliver a baby in
one month.
2. Developer is a person who thinks it
will take 18 months to deliver a baby.
3. Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks
a single woman can deliver nine babies
in one month.
4. Client is the one who doesn't
know why he wants a baby.
5. Marketing Manager is a person who
thinks he can deliver a baby even if no
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 11 Aprilie 2005
I recall a time when my son was about 18
months old. I had him strapped into a
backpack and was rushing to catch the
bus. Apparently I mis-stepped and fell
down an entire flight of stairs (13 to
be exact). I was bruised and bleeding
and had torn my jeans ... but my main
concern was, naturally, for my child.
My fears were alleviated, though, when
from behind me I heard a gleeful giggle
followed
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 13 August 2008
Unexpected cold snaps had destroyed the
buds on my father's young peach tree for
two years in a row. This spring, Dad was
ready. He replanted the sapling in a
large box, mounted it on wheels, and put
the tree in the garage whenever the
temperature dropped.
One warm April day, Dad was wheeling the
tree out into the yard, and he stopped
to give our dog a drink from the garden
hose. A neighbor
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 14 Iunie 2007
A Sunday school teacher was telling her
class the story of the Good Samaritan,
in which a man was beaten, robbed, and
left for dead. She described the
situation in vivid detail so her
students would catch the drama. Then she
asked the class, "If you saw a person
lying on the roadside, all wounded and
bleeding, what would you do?"
A thoughtful little girl broke the
hushed silence, "I think I'd
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 2 Mai 2007
Jack Benny is walking down the street,
when a stick-up man pulls out a gun and
says: Your money or your life!
An extremely long silence follows. Your
money or your life!, the thug repeats.
Finally Benny says: I am thinking!
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Februarie 2006
A Chinese couple got married. When a
baby girl was born, her eyes were big
and blue, hair was curly and blonde,
skin was brown. Finally, the father
named the baby SUM TING RONG."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 11 Septembrie 2006
All eyes were on the radiant bride as
her father escorted her down the aisle.
They reached the altar and the waiting
groom; the bride kissed her father and
placed something in his hand. The guests
in the front pews, and the minister,
responded with ripples of laughter. As
her father gave her away in marriage,
the bride had given him back his credit
card.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 28 Noiembrie 2006