When Charles de Gaulle decided to retire from public life, the British ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his...
Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
propus: 6 Mar 2009
When Charles de Gaulle decided to retire from public life, the British ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his honor. At the dinner table, the Ambassador’s wife was talking with Madame deGaulle:
banc precedent Dr. Marc Faber, investment guru, concluded his monthly bulletin (June 2008) with the following comments: The federal government is sending each of us a $600 rebate. If we spend that money at [...]
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FINAL EXAM The student reports for his university final examination that consists of yes/no type questions. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes and then, in a fit of inspiration, takes out a coin and starts tossing it, marking the answer sheet: Yes, for Heads, and! No, for Tails. Within half an hour he is all done, whereas the rest of the ... citește tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 31 August 2004
Manning the computer help desk for the local school district was my first job. And though I was just an intern, I took the job very seriously. But not every caller took me seriously. - Can I talk to a real person? a caller asked. - I am real, I said. - Oh, I'm sorry, the caller said. That was rude of me. What I meant to say was, could I talk to someone who actually knows something? ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 14 Martie 2008
A few years ago, I decided to visit my brother who was stationed in Germany. I assumed that most Germans would speak English. But I found that many people spoke only their native tongue - including the ticket inspector on the train. He punched my ticket, then chatted cordially for a bit, making gestures like a windmill. I simply nodded from time to time to show him that I was interested. When he ... citește tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 20 Octombrie 2006
You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus: 1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die. 2. An old friend who once saved your life. 3. The perfect man (or) woman you have been dreaming about. Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car. Think ... citește tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 16 Mai 2005
A cowboy went to an insurance agency to buy a policy. The agent asked, "Have you ever had an accident?" "Nope," replied the cowboy. "Last summer, a bronc kicked in two of my ribs, and a couple of years ago, a rattlesnake bit me on the ankle." "Wouldn't you call those accidents?" quizzed the puzzled agent. "Naw," the cowboy replied. "They did it on purpose!" ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 15 Noiembrie 2006
A man visited a psychiatrist to talk about his dreams. "Every night," the man said, "I dream that these three hideous monsters are sitting on the edge of my bed, ready to attack me." "Hmmm," said the doctor. "I feel sure I can cure you of this problem. But the treatment will cost you somewhere between twenty-five and thirty thousand dollars." "Thirty thousand dollars!" the man gasped. "Never mind ... citește tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 9 Martie 2007
A man called home to his wife and said, "Honey I have been asked to go fishing up in Canada with my boss & several of his friends. We'll be gone for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting so could you please pack enough clothes for a week and set out my rod and fishing box? We're leaving from the office & I will swing by the house to pick my ... citește tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004
This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas. They hired him because he was so funny. - - - - - - - - - - - NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard) SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate) DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a ... citește tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 21 Noiembrie 2006
A Czech goes to the optician who shows him a card with the letters 'C Z W X N Q S T A C Z'. "Can you read this?" the optician asks. "Read it?" the Czech replies, "I even know the guy." ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 31 August 2004
I recall a time when my son was about 18 months old. I had him strapped into a backpack and was rushing to catch the bus. Apparently I mis-stepped and fell down an entire flight of stairs (13 to be exact). I was bruised and bleeding and had torn my jeans ... but my main concern was, naturally, for my child. My fears were alleviated, though, when from behind me I heard a gleeful giggle followed ... citește tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 13 August 2008
Sweetheart: I can't send my salary this month, so I am sending 100 kisses. You are my sweetheart. Your husband, Allen ... His wife replied back after some days to her husband: Dearest sweetheart, Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending the expenses details: 1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for one month's milk. 2. The electricity man only agreed after 7 kisses. 3. Your house owner ... citește tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 13 Septembrie 2005
A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed, and left for dead. She described the situation in vivid detail so her students would catch the drama. Then she asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?" A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd ... citește tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 2 Mai 2007
A woman in our diet club was lamenting that she had gained weight. She'd made her family's favorite cake over the weekend, she reported, and they'd eaten half of it at dinner. The next day, she said, she kept staring at the other half, until finally she cut a thin slice for herself. One slice led to another, and soon the whole cake was gone. The woman went on to tell us how upset she was with ... citește tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 2 Octombrie 2006
Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he would like to eat. - I would have some ****** French toast, he says. The mother is outraged at his language and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. - Well, I guess that leaves more ******* French toast for me, he says. She is livid and sends him away. Finally she ... citește tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Februarie 2006
A man follows a woman out of a movie theatre. She has a dog on a leash. He stops her and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I couldn't help but notice that your dog was really into the movie. He cried at the right spots, he moved nervously in his seat at the boring parts, but most of all, he laughed like crazy at the funny parts. Did you find that unusual?" "Yes," she replied, "I found ... citește tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004