An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas. Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on...
propus de: Elena pe data: 27 Ian 2009
An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert,
moved to Texas.
Bert always wanted a
pair of authentic cowboy boots, so,
seeing some on sale, he bought them and
wore them home.
Walking proudly, he
sauntered into the kitchen and said to
his wife, "Notice anything different
about me?"
Margaret looked him
over.. "Nope."
Frustrated, Bert
stormed off into the bathroom, undressed
and walked back into the kitchen
completely naked except for the boots.
Again he asked Margaret, a little
louder this time, "Notice anything
different NOW?"
Margaret looked up
and exclaimed, "Bert, what's different?
It's hanging down today, it was hanging
down yesterday, it'll be hanging down
again tomorrow!"
Furious, Bert
yelled, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S
HANGING DOWN, MARGARET?"
"Nope", she
replied.
"IT'S HANGING DOWN, BECAUSE
IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!!!!"
Without changing her expression,
Margaret replied, "Shoulda bought a hat,
Bert. Shoulda bought a hat."
TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? CLYDE: No, sir. It's the same dog.
banc precedent This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format: Q. What is an Economic Stimulus [...]
banc următor
When Charles de Gaulle decided to retire
from public life, the British ambassador
and his wife threw a gala dinner party
in his honor. At the dinner table, the
Ambassador’s wife was talking with
Madame deGaulle:
- Your husband has been such a prominent
public figure, such a presence on the
French and international scene for so
many years! How quiet retirement will
seem in comparison. What
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 6 Martie 2009
- Bless me Father, for I have sinned
with a woman.
The priest asks, "Is that you, little
Johnny Parisi?"
- Yes, Father, it is.
- And who was the woman you were with?
- I can't tell you, Father. I don't want
to ruin her reputation.
- Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her
name sooner or later, so you may as well
tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?
- I cannot say.
- Was it Teresa Volpe?
- I'll never
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 6 Octombrie 2006
I am rejecting your rejection
Dear Sir / Madam
Thank you for your letter of 4 September
2003. After careful consideration I
regret to inform you that I am unable to
accept your refusal to offer me
employment with your company. This year
I have been particularly fortunate in
receiving an unusually large number of
rejection letters. With such a varied
and promising field of candidates it is
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 8 Martie 2005
Two cows are conversing in a field. The
first one says to the other, "Have you
heard about this 'mad cow disease' that
is going around?"
The second cow responds, "Yeah, but I'm
not worried about it; I'm an airplane!"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 23 Iulie 2008
Two lawyers arrive at the pub and
ordered a couple of drinks. They then
take sandwiches from their briefcases
and began to eat.
Seeing this, the angry publican
approaches them and says, 'Excuse me,
but you cannot eat your own sandwiches
in here!'
The two look at each other, shrug and
exchange sandwiches.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 Iunie 2011
A soldier stationed in Iraq recently
received a "Dear John" letter from his
girlfriend back home. It read as
follows:
Dear Ricky,
I can no longer continue our
relationship. The distance between us is
just too great. I must admit that I have
cheated on you twice, since you've
been gone, and it's not fair to
either of us. I'm sorry.
Please return the picture of me that I
sent to
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 10 Iunie 2005
My sister, a truck driver, had decided
to get a dog for protection. As she
inspected a likely candidate, the
trainer told her, "He doesn't like men."
Perfect, my sister thought, and took the
dog.
Then one day, two men in a parking lot
approached her, and she watched to see
how her canine bodyguard would react.
Soon it became clear that the trainer
wasn't kidding. As the men got closer,
the dog
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 13 Iunie 2007
Jack, who is a smart businessman, talks
to his son
Jack: I want you to marry a girl of my
choice
Son: "I will choose my own bride!"
Jack: "But the girl is Bill Gates's
daughter."
Son: "Well, in that case..."
Next Jack approaches Bill Gates.
Jack: "I have a husband for your
daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too
young to marry!"
Jack: "But this young man is a
vice-president of
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 29 Septembrie 2005
A simple friend, when visiting, acts
like a guest.
A real friend opens your refrigerator
and helps himself.
A simple friend has never seen you cry.
A real friend has shoulders soggy from
your tears.
A simple friend doesn't know your
parents'
first names.
A real friend has their phone numbers in
his address book.
A simple friend brings a bottle of wine
to your party.
A real friend comes
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 5 Mai 2005
Sweetheart:
I can't send my salary this month,
so I am sending 100 kisses. You are my
sweetheart.
Your husband,
Allen
...
His wife replied back after some days to
her husband:
Dearest sweetheart,
Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending
the expenses details:
1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for
one month's milk.
2. The electricity man only agreed after
7 kisses.
3. Your house owner
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 13 Septembrie 2005
Concerned about fitness in my middle
40s, I enrolled in an aerobics class. To
my dismay I walked into a room filled
with much younger women and decided to
combat my nervousness with humor.
"I'm here to do my postnatal exercises."
The instructor gave me an appraising
look. "How old is your baby?"
"Twenty-six," I replied.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 13 Februarie 2008
Q: Tarzan and the animals went to the
river to take a bath. Tarzan removed his
clothes. All the animals laughed. Tarzan
asked "Why"?
A: The animals told him. Your tail is in
front".
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 5 Februarie 2007
A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow
of silence: he is allowed to say two
words every seven years.
After the first seven years, the elders
bring him in and ask for his two words.
"Cold floors," he says. They nod and
send him away.
Seven more years pass. They bring him
back in and ask for his two words. He
clears his throats and says, "Bad food."
They nod and send him away.
Seven more years
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Februarie 2006
A man is walking along a cliff and all
of a sudden loses his balance, slips,
and falls off. Fortunately, he has the
presence of mind to grab on to the edge,
and he's hanging there for dear life. He
hangs and hangs an finally yells out:
"Is there anybody up there who can help
me?"
There's no answer.
He keeps calling and calling. "Is there
anybody up there who can help me?".
Finally this big
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 20 August 2007