TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? CLYDE: No, sir. It's the...

- Are you sure this is british beef? - Of horse it is! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 18 Aprilie 2013

A hamster and a rat were sitting on the side of a swimming pool. They were enjoying the sun. Suddenly the rat turned to the hamster and asked him: Dude, How come people consider me a noisance, and you a pet? How come people pay money to have you, while they are trying to kill me? How come you are considered a cute little animal, while I am considered creepy and disgusting? How come you live in ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 Septembrie 2004

A property manager of an apartment complex was showing a unit to prospective tenants and asking the usual questions. "Professionally employed?" he asked. "We're a military family," the wife answered. "Children?" "Oh, yes, ages nine and twelve," she answered proudly. "Animals?" "Oh, no," she said earnestly. "They're very well behaved." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 23 Aprilie 2008

Two guys walk into a bar, separately, and have a seat at the bar. One guy notices the other has a black eye, just like him. “Hey buddy, how’d you get your shiner?” “Well, I was at the train station, and the ticket girl was veeery hot. And instead of two tickets to Pittsburg, I slipped and said ‘two PICKets to TITTsburg’ and she hit me square in the face. How ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminică, 24 August 2008

On some air bases, the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?" The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 10 Iulie 2007

Jack Benny is walking down the street, when a stick-up man pulls out a gun and says: Your money or your life! An extremely long silence follows. Your money or your life!, the thug repeats. Finally Benny says: I am thinking! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Februarie 2006

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE) I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 13 Mai 2010

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus: 1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die. 2. An old friend who once saved your life. 3. The perfect man (or) woman you have been dreaming about. Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car. Think ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 16 Mai 2005

"I just don't understand it", an Irish footballer complained... "One match I play very well, and then the next match I'm terrible". "Well", said his wife, "why don't you just play every other match?" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 30 Aprilie 2008

An English professor wrote the words : "A woman without her man is nothing" on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly. All of the males in the class wrote: "A woman, without her man, is nothing." All the females in the class wrote: "A woman: without her, man is nothing." Punctuation is powerful ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 31 August 2004

This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format: "Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment? "A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers. "Q. Where will the government get this money? "A. From taxpayers. "Q. So the government is giving me back my own money? "A. No, they are ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 28 Ianuarie 2009

TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD: A teacher ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 1 Mai 2009

If Adam and Eve were Chinese we would still be in paradise because they would have ignored the apple and eaten the snake. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 24 Februarie 2005

A mother and a daughter are shopping in the mall, when the mother eyes an expensive fur coat. "This year," she says, "I think that I will buy my present instead of making you and Dad shop for me." The daughter nods in agreement. "And I think this fur coat would be perfect too." The daughter protests, "But Mom, some helpless, poor creature has to suffer so that you can have this." "Don't worry, ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 7 Februarie 2008

Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man in a three-piece suit. "This young lawyer agreed to marry my daughter," said one. "No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other. And so they haggled before the king until he called for silence. "Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, "and I shall hew the young attorney in half. Each of you shall receive a ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 17 Octombrie 2006