A property manager of an apartment complex was showing a unit to prospective tenants and asking the usual...
propus de: Carp pe data: 23 Apr 2008
A lady about eight months pregnant got
on a bus. She noticed the man opposite
her was smiling at her. So she
immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned to a grin, so
she moved again. The man seemed even
more amused. When, on the fourth move,
the man burst out laughing, she
complained to the driver and he had the
man arrested.
The case came up in court. The judge
asked the man
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 2 Iulie 2007
About five years ago, the battery in my
beat-up VW Beetle had died because I
left the lights on overnight. I was in a
hurry to get to work on time, so I ran
into the house to get my wife to give me
a hand in starting the car.
I told her to get into our second car, a
prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and
use it to push my car fast enough to
start it. I pointed out to her that
because the VW had
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 18 Ianuarie 2008
During a taxi, the crew of a US Air
departure flight to Ft. Lauderdale made
a wrong turn and came nose-to-nose with
a United 727. The irate ground
controller (a female) lashed out at the
US Air crew screaming, "US Air 2771,
where are you going? I told you to turn
right on 'Charlie' taxi way; you turned
right on 'Delta.' Stop right there. I
know it's difficult to tell the
difference between a C
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 25 Martie 2008
A school teacher sends this note to all
parents on the first day of school: "If
you promise not to believe everything
your child says happens at school, I'll
promise not to believe everything he
says happens at home."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminică, 27 Ianuarie 2008
This is an actual job application that a
75 year old senior citizen submitted to
Walmart in Arkansas. They hired him
because he was so funny.
- - - - - - - - - - -
NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)
SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for
the right woman (or at least one who
will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or
Vice President. But seriously,
whatever's available. If I was in a
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 21 Noiembrie 2006
FINAL EXAM
The student reports for his university
final examination that consists of
yes/no type questions. He takes his
seat in the examination hall, stares at
the question paper for five minutes and
then, in a fit of inspiration, takes out
a coin and starts tossing it, marking
the answer sheet: Yes, for Heads, and!
No, for Tails. Within half an hour he
is all done, whereas the rest of the
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 31 August 2004
Explicatii de dat atunci cand nu va merg
aplicatiile si programele.
COUNT DOWN......
20. "That's weird..."
19. "It's never done that before."
18. "It worked yesterday."
17. "How is that possible?"
16. "It must be a hardware problem."
15. "What did you type in wrong to get
it to crash?"
14. "There is something funky in your
data."
13. "I haven't touched that module in
weeks!"
12. "You must have
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 28 Noiembrie 2006
"Davey, what sound does a cow make?"
Davey replied, "It goes 'moo.'"
"Alice, what sound does a cat make?"
Alice said, "It goes 'meow.'"
"Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?"
Jamie said, "It goes 'baaa.'"
"Jennifer, what sound does a mouse
make?"
Jennifer paused, and said, "Uhh. .. it
goes. .. 'click!'"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 14 August 2007
Each Friday night after work, Bubba
would fire up his outdoor grill and cook
venison steak. But all of Bubba's
neighbors were Catholic, and since it
was Lent, they were forbidden from
eating red meat on Friday.
The delicious aroma from the grilled
venison steaks was causing such a
problem for the Catholic faithful that
they finally talked to their priest.
The priest came to visit Bubba and
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 8 Martie 2007
Due to increasing products liability
litigation, American liquor
manufacturers have accepted the
FDA's suggestion that the following
warning labels be placed immediately on
all varieties of alcohol containers:
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may
leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your bra and panties.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may
make you think you are whispering
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 7 Martie 2005
European Commission has just announced
an agreement whereby English will be the
official language of the European Union
rather than German, which was the other
possibility.
As part of the negotiations, the British
Government conceded that English
spelling had some room for improvement
and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan
that would become known as
"Euro-English".
In the first year, "s" will
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 5 Aprilie 2006
3 Little Pigs - The Untold Story
This is classic - a true story, proving
how fascinating is the mind of a six
year old. They think so logically.
A teacher was reading the story of the
Three Little Pigs to her class. She came
to the part of the story where the first
pig was trying to gather the building
materials for his home. She read,
"...and so the pig went up to the man
with the wheelbarrow
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 31 August 2004
A cowboy went to an insurance agency to
buy a policy. The agent asked, "Have you
ever had an accident?"
"Nope," replied the cowboy. "Last
summer, a bronc kicked in two of my
ribs, and a couple of years ago, a
rattlesnake bit me on the ankle."
"Wouldn't you call those accidents?"
quizzed the puzzled agent.
"Naw," the cowboy replied. "They did it
on purpose!"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 15 Noiembrie 2006
After school one day, a young
first-grade boy was sitting at the
kitchen table, eating his afternoon
snack, when he blurted out, "Mom, the
teacher was asking me today if I have
any brothers or sisters who will be
coming to school."
The boy's mother replied, "That's nice
of her to take such an interest, dear.
What did she say when you told her you
are an only child?"
She just said, "Thank
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 10 Martie 2008
On a sunny morning, William's mother
came into her son's room and said,
"William, it's Sunday. Time to get up!
Time to get up and go to church! Get
up!"
From under the covers came mumbles, "I
don't want to go!"
"What do you mean?" she said. "That's
silly! Now get up and get dressed and go
to church!"
"No!" he shot back. "I'll give you two
reasons. I don't like them and they
don't like
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Sâmbătă, 14 Iulie 2007