My girlfriend called me as she was driving to an appointment. She arrived, and I could tell from her voice that she was getting...
propus: 1 Feb 2008
On a sunny morning, William's mother
came into her son's room and said,
"William, it's Sunday. Time to get up!
Time to get up and go to church! Get
up!"
From under the covers came mumbles, "I
don't want to go!"
"What do you mean?" she said. "That's
silly! Now get up and get dressed and go
to church!"
"No!" he shot back. "I'll give you two
reasons. I don't like them and they
don't like
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Sâmbătă, 14 Iulie 2007
TEACHER: George Washington not only
chopped down his father's cherry tree,
but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you
know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe
in his hand.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 1 Mai 2009
You Know You Have a Bad Computer When...
10. The lower corner of screen has the
words "Etch A Sketch" on it.
9. When you insert a disk, it spits out
a pack of cigarettes.
8. You have to pedal it.
7. The manual contains one sentence:
"Good luck!"
6. The only chip inside came from a bag
of Doritos.
5. When you turn it on, the dogs in the
neighborhood start howling.
4. You catch a virus from it.
3.
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 20 August 2007
A dog looks at its owner and thinks:
"You feed me, care for me, and love
me...you must be a god!"
A cat looks at its owner and thinks:
"You feed me, care for me, and love
me...I must be a god!"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 17 August 2005
Last night I went to a 24-hour grocery.
When I got there, the guy was locking
the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign
says you're open 24 hours." He goes:
"Not in a row!"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Februarie 2006
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for
several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an
argument and neither of them wanted to
concede their position..
As they passed a barnyard of mules,
goats, and pigs, the husband asked
sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminică, 30 Mai 2010
A crew of highway maintenance workers
was sent to repair some road signs that
vandals had knocked down in a forested
area. The first one they put back up was
a symbol warning of a deer crossing.
As they moved down the road to repair
the next sign, one crew member looked
back and spotted a deer running across
the highway.
She turned to a co-worker and said, "I
wonder how long he's been waiting to
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 11 Iunie 2007
Hung Chow calls work and says:
- Hey, boss I no come work today, I
really sick. I got headache, stomach
ache and my legs hurt, I no come work.
The boss says:
- You know Hung Chow, I really need you
today. When I feel like that I go to my
wife and tell her to sing for me. That
makes everything better and I go work.
You try that.
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again:
- Boss, I do what you say and
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 16 Martie 2005
Man: God?
God: Yes!?
Man: Can I ask you something?
God: Yes.
Man: What is for you a million of years?
God: A second.
Man: And a million of dollars?
God: A penny.
Man: God, Can you give me a penny?
God: Wait a second!
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 27 Octombrie 2005
Unexpected cold snaps had destroyed the
buds on my father's young peach tree for
two years in a row. This spring, Dad was
ready. He replanted the sapling in a
large box, mounted it on wheels, and put
the tree in the garage whenever the
temperature dropped.
One warm April day, Dad was wheeling the
tree out into the yard, and he stopped
to give our dog a drink from the garden
hose. A neighbor
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 14 Iunie 2007
There is an old story about a mother who
walks in on her six-year-old son and
finds him sobbing. "What's the matter?"
she asks.
"I've just figured out how to tie my
shoes."
"Well, honey, that's wonderful." Being a
wise mother, she recognizes his victory
in the Eriksonian struggle of autonomy
versus doubt: "You're growing up, but
why are you crying?"
"Because," he says, "now I'll have to do
it
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 20 Aprilie 2007
During a taxi, the crew of a US Air
departure flight to Ft. Lauderdale made
a wrong turn and came nose-to-nose with
a United 727. The irate ground
controller (a female) lashed out at the
US Air crew screaming, "US Air 2771,
where are you going? I told you to turn
right on 'Charlie' taxi way; you turned
right on 'Delta.' Stop right there. I
know it's difficult to tell the
difference between a C
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 25 Martie 2008
One night while I was cat-sitting my
daughter's indoor feline, it escaped
outside. When it failed to return the
following morning, I found the beast
clinging to a branch about 30 feet up in
a spindly tree. Unable to lure it down,
I called the fire department.
"We don't do that anymore," the woman
dispatcher said. When I persisted, she
was polite but firm. "The cat will come
down when it gets
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 30 Ianuarie 2007
A guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan
meets him, shows him doors to three
rooms, and says he must choose one spend
eternity in.
In the first room, people are standing
in shit up to their necks. The guy says
"no, let me see the next room."
In the second room, people are standing
with shit up to their noses. Guy says no
again.
Finally, Satan opens the door to the
third room. People are standing
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Februarie 2006