Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency? Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes...
propus: 12 Apr 2007
A couple had only been married for two
weeks and the husband, although very
much in love, couldn't wait to go out on
the town and party with his old buddies.
So, he said to his new wife, "Honey,
I'll be right back."
"Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked
the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face," he
answered. I'm going to have a beer."
The wife said, "You want a beer, my
love?" She
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 August 2007
On a sunny morning, William's mother
came into her son's room and said,
"William, it's Sunday. Time to get up!
Time to get up and go to church! Get
up!"
From under the covers came mumbles, "I
don't want to go!"
"What do you mean?" she said. "That's
silly! Now get up and get dressed and go
to church!"
"No!" he shot back. "I'll give you two
reasons. I don't like them and they
don't like
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Sâmbătă, 14 Iulie 2007
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your
emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like
gunshots coming from the brown house on
the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and
slacks, why?
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 12 Aprilie 2007
Unexpected cold snaps had destroyed the
buds on my father's young peach tree for
two years in a row. This spring, Dad was
ready. He replanted the sapling in a
large box, mounted it on wheels, and put
the tree in the garage whenever the
temperature dropped.
One warm April day, Dad was wheeling the
tree out into the yard, and he stopped
to give our dog a drink from the garden
hose. A neighbor
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 14 Iunie 2007
Q: What's the difference between biology
and sociology?
A: When the baby looks like his dad or
mom, then it is biology. When the baby
looks like the neighbour, then it is
sociology.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 5 Februarie 2007
A mother and a daughter are shopping in
the mall, when the mother eyes an
expensive fur coat.
"This year," she says, "I think that I
will buy my present instead of making
you and Dad shop for me." The daughter
nods in agreement. "And I think this fur
coat would be perfect too."
The daughter protests, "But Mom, some
helpless, poor creature has to suffer so
that you can have this."
"Don't worry,
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 7 Februarie 2008
Two guys walk into a bar, separately,
and have a seat at the bar.
One guy notices the other has a black
eye, just like him.
“Hey buddy, how’d you get your
shiner?”
“Well, I was at the train station, and
the ticket girl was veeery hot. And
instead of two tickets to Pittsburg, I
slipped and said ‘two PICKets to
TITTsburg’ and she hit me square in
the face. How
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminică, 24 August 2008
A father was trying to teach his young
son the evils of alcohol.
He put one worm in a glass of water and
another worm in a glass of
whiskey. The worm in the water lived,
while the one in the whiskey
curled up and died.
"All right, son," asked the father,
"what does that show you?"
"Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink
alcohol, you will not have
worms."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 August 2008
A dog looks at its owner and thinks:
"You feed me, care for me, and love
me...you must be a god!"
A cat looks at its owner and thinks:
"You feed me, care for me, and love
me...I must be a god!"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 17 August 2005
There is an old story about a mother who
walks in on her six-year-old son and
finds him sobbing. "What's the matter?"
she asks.
"I've just figured out how to tie my
shoes."
"Well, honey, that's wonderful." Being a
wise mother, she recognizes his victory
in the Eriksonian struggle of autonomy
versus doubt: "You're growing up, but
why are you crying?"
"Because," he says, "now I'll have to do
it
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 20 Aprilie 2007
One day Jake, a nine-year-old, asked to
pack his own lunch for school. His mom
agreed. But they couldn't agree on what
he should pack, so they both made lists.
This was the mom's list:
One sandwich
One apple
Pretzels
A carton of milk
This was Jake's list:
Candy
Candy
Candy
Jake agreed to compromise. Sure enough,
the next morning, Jake was ready for
school and he packed his lunch. His mom
came
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 12 Ianuarie 2007