A man visited a psychiatrist to talk about his dreams. Every night, the man said, I dream that these three hideous monsters...
propus: 9 Mar 2007
TEACHER: George Washington not only
chopped down his father's cherry tree,
but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you
know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe
in his hand.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 1 Mai 2009
Some lines:
1. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in
a parallel universe.
2. On the other hand, it's better to
have fingers than toes.
3. A day without sunshine is like. ..
night!
4. How many of you believe in
psycho-kenisis? Raise my hand.
5. Everyone has a photographic memory,
but some don't have any film.
6. When everything is coming your way.
.. you're in the wrong lane.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 17 August 2006
Friends of women:
A wife was not at home for a whole
night. So she tells her husband, the
very next morning, that she stayed at
her girlfriend's apartment over
night. So the husband calls 10 of her
best girlfriends and none of them
confirm that.
Friends of men:
A husband was not at home for a whole
night. So he tells his wife the very
next morning, that he stayed at his
friend's
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 28 Septembrie 2004
Two guys walk into a bar, separately,
and have a seat at the bar.
One guy notices the other has a black
eye, just like him.
“Hey buddy, how’d you get your
shiner?”
“Well, I was at the train station, and
the ticket girl was veeery hot. And
instead of two tickets to Pittsburg, I
slipped and said ‘two PICKets to
TITTsburg’ and she hit me square in
the face. How
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminică, 24 August 2008
A clergyman, walking down a country
lane, saw a young farmer struggling to
load hay back onto a cart after it had
fallen off.
- You look tired, my son, said the
cleric. Why don't you rest a moment, and
I'll give you a hand.
- No thanks, said the young man. My
father wouldn't approve.
- Don't be silly, the minister said.
Everyone is entitled to a break. Come
and have a drink of water.
Again the
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 3 Mai 2007
A dog walks into an employment agency
and says:
- I'd like to get a job please.
The guy at the employment agency says:
- Wow, you could easily get a job at the
circus, with your talents!
The dog replys:
- What would the circus want with a
plumber?
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 19 Noiembrie 2013
A baby polar bear comes up to his mother
and asks, "Momma, am I a polar bear?"
"Why, yes, son, of course you are a
polar bear," she replies, sending him
out to play.
Several minutes later, he returns.
"Momma, are you absolutely sure I am a
polar bear?"
"Yes, son, absolutely sure. Now go and
play."
Several minutes later, he returns
asking, "Momma, you're sure I'm 100%
polar bear?"
"Yes, son,
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 13 August 2008
Unexpected cold snaps had destroyed the
buds on my father's young peach tree for
two years in a row. This spring, Dad was
ready. He replanted the sapling in a
large box, mounted it on wheels, and put
the tree in the garage whenever the
temperature dropped.
One warm April day, Dad was wheeling the
tree out into the yard, and he stopped
to give our dog a drink from the garden
hose. A neighbor
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 14 Iunie 2007
I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty
uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg The
phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid
Aodccrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde
Uinervtisy, it dnsoe't mttaer in
waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are,
the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the
frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit
pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and
you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm.
Tihs is bcuseae the
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 10 Noiembrie 2004
Concerned about fitness in my middle
40s, I enrolled in an aerobics class. To
my dismay I walked into a room filled
with much younger women and decided to
combat my nervousness with humor.
"I'm here to do my postnatal exercises."
The instructor gave me an appraising
look. "How old is your baby?"
"Twenty-six," I replied.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 13 Februarie 2008
A young lady visited the government
matchmaker for marriage and requested:
"I'm looking for a spouse. Can you
please help me to find a suitable one?"
The marriage officer said: "Your
requirements please."
"Well, let me see. Needs to be good
looking, polite, humorous, sporty,
knowledgeable, good at singing and
dancing.
Willing to accompany me the whole day at
home during my leisure hour, if I
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 27 August 2007
UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S
PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand
women.
I'll never understand how you can take
boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper
thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and
still be afraid of a spider.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 13 Mai 2010
A linguistics professor was lecturing
his class one day.
- In English, he said, a double negative
forms a positive. In some languages,
though, such as Romanian, a double
negative is still a negative. However,
there is no language wherein a double
positive can form a negative.
A loud voice from the back of the room
piped up:
- Yeah, right.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 Iunie 2011
Woman's revenge...
- Cash, check or charge? I asked, after
folding items the woman wished to
purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed
a remote control for a television set in
her purse.
- So, do you always carry your TV
remote? I asked.
- No, she replied, but my husband
refused to come shopping with me, and I
figured this was the most evil thing I
could do to him legally.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 7 Mai 2010
This is an actual job application that a
75 year old senior citizen submitted to
Walmart in Arkansas. They hired him
because he was so funny.
- - - - - - - - - - -
NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)
SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for
the right woman (or at least one who
will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or
Vice President. But seriously,
whatever's available. If I was in a
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 21 Noiembrie 2006