- Bless me Father, for I have sinned with a woman. The priest asks, Is that you, little Johnny Parisi? - Yes, Father, it...

Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

propus: 6 Oct 2006

- Bless me Father, for I have sinned with a woman.
The priest asks, "Is that you, little Johnny Parisi?"
- Yes, Father, it is.
- And who was the woman you were with?
- I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation.
- Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti?
- I cannot say.
- Was it Teresa Volpe?
- I'll never tell.
- Was it Nina Capelli?
- I'm sorry but I cannot name her.
- Was it Cathy Piriano?
- My lips are sealed.
- Was it Rosa Di Angelo, then?
- Please, Father, I cannot tell you.
The priest sighs in frustration.
- You're very tight lipped, Johnny Parisi, and I admire that. But you've sinned and have to atone. You cannot be an altar boy now for 4 months. Now you go and behave yourself.
Johnny walks back to his pew, and his friend Nino slides over and whispers, "What'd you get?"
- Four months vacation and five good leads...

At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? Yes, I am. I married the wrong man.
banc precedent
Mr. Gable had a leak in the roof over his dining room, so he called a repairman to take a look at it. When did you first notice the leak? the repairman inquired. Mr. Gable scowled. Last [...]
banc următor

Two cows are conversing in a field. The first one says to the other, "Have you heard about this 'mad cow disease' that is going around?" The second cow responds, "Yeah, but I'm not worried about it; I'm an airplane!" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 23 Iulie 2008


An eighteen-year-old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, crying, the mother says, "Who did this to you? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004


- What is the longest word in the English language? - It is the word "smiles", because there is a mile between the first letter and the last! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminică, 20 Octombrie 2013


A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said: - You have been a good cat all these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking. The cat thought for a minute and then said: - All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on. God said: - Say no more. Instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow. A few days later, ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 30 Martie 2005


TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find
North America.
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who
discovered America?
CLASS: Maria.TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America. MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America? CLASS: Maria. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 26 Noiembrie 2008


At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger?" "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 6 Octombrie 2006


My girlfriend called me as she was driving to an appointment. She arrived, and I could tell from her voice that she was getting frustrated. Finally she said: - I know I had my cell phone with me. And now I can't find it! I replied: - Aren't you talking on it!? There was a solid period of stunned silence as the reality of the situation sank in - followed by: - You are NOT going to tell anybody ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 1 Februarie 2008


I'm sorry that you haven't gotten much email from me lately. It's because I'm tired. For a couple years I've been blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies. But now I found out the real reason. I'm tired because I'm overworked. The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to do ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004


After school one day, a young first-grade boy was sitting at the kitchen table, eating his afternoon snack, when he blurted out, "Mom, the teacher was asking me today if I have any brothers or sisters who will be coming to school." The boy's mother replied, "That's nice of her to take such an interest, dear. What did she say when you told her you are an only child?" She just said, "Thank ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 10 Martie 2008


Manning the computer help desk for the local school district was my first job. And though I was just an intern, I took the job very seriously. But not every caller took me seriously. - Can I talk to a real person? a caller asked. - I am real, I said. - Oh, I'm sorry, the caller said. That was rude of me. What I meant to say was, could I talk to someone who actually knows something? ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 14 Martie 2008


One night while I was cat-sitting my daughter's indoor feline, it escaped outside. When it failed to return the following morning, I found the beast clinging to a branch about 30 feet up in a spindly tree. Unable to lure it down, I called the fire department. "We don't do that anymore," the woman dispatcher said. When I persisted, she was polite but firm. "The cat will come down when it gets ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 30 Ianuarie 2007


First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet School were receiving theirfirst anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them: - In vet medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: the first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 2 Mai 2007


See if you can do this. Read each line aloud. This is this cat This is is cat This is how cat This is to cat This is keep cat This is a cat This is genius cat This is busy cat This is for cat This is forty cat This is seconds cat Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top. Betcha you can't resist passing it on. LOL! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 21 Noiembrie 2011


A dog walks into an employment agency and says: - I'd like to get a job please. The guy at the employment agency says: - Wow, you could easily get a job at the circus, with your talents! The dog replys: - What would the circus want with a plumber? ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 19 Noiembrie 2013


Explicatii de dat atunci cand nu va merg aplicatiile si programele. COUNT DOWN...... 20. "That's weird..." 19. "It's never done that before." 18. "It worked yesterday." 17. "How is that possible?" 16. "It must be a hardware problem." 15. "What did you type in wrong to get it to crash?" 14. "There is something funky in your data." 13. "I haven't touched that module in weeks!" 12. "You must have ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 28 Noiembrie 2006