A Chinese couple got married. When a baby girl was born, her eyes were big and blue, hair was curly and blonde, skin was brown....

Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying. Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?" So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Priest, may I smoke while I pray?" But the Priest says, "No, my son, you may not. That's utter disrespect to our religion." Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 1 Septembrie 2004

A man follows a woman out of a movie theatre. She has a dog on a leash. He stops her and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I couldn't help but notice that your dog was really into the movie. He cried at the right spots, he moved nervously in his seat at the boring parts, but most of all, he laughed like crazy at the funny parts. Did you find that unusual?" "Yes," she replied, "I found ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004

Once upon a time in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: - Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 12 Septembrie 2007

A mother and a daughter are shopping in the mall, when the mother eyes an expensive fur coat. "This year," she says, "I think that I will buy my present instead of making you and Dad shop for me." The daughter nods in agreement. "And I think this fur coat would be perfect too." The daughter protests, "But Mom, some helpless, poor creature has to suffer so that you can have this." "Don't worry, ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 7 Februarie 2008

"Davey, what sound does a cow make?" Davey replied, "It goes 'moo.'" "Alice, what sound does a cat make?" Alice said, "It goes 'meow.'" "Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?" Jamie said, "It goes 'baaa.'" "Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?" Jennifer paused, and said, "Uhh. .. it goes. .. 'click!'" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 14 August 2007

Stephen Spielberg is casting for a new film based around the great composers. Anyway to give the film a twist and some "oomph" he decides to cast the parts to the great action heroes of today. He calls Stallone, Arnie, Bruce Willis and Seagal into his office to hear who they would like to play. - Well, started Stallone, I've always admired Mozart. I would love to play him. - Chopin has always ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 23 Noiembrie 2005

News from Heaven: Due to the current financial crisis facing the world at the moment, the light at the end of the tunnel will be switched off to save on electricity costs, until further notice. Sincerely yours, God ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 21 Noiembrie 2008

Manning the computer help desk for the local school district was my first job. And though I was just an intern, I took the job very seriously. But not every caller took me seriously. - Can I talk to a real person? a caller asked. - I am real, I said. - Oh, I'm sorry, the caller said. That was rude of me. What I meant to say was, could I talk to someone who actually knows something? ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 14 Martie 2008

- 25th Wedding Anniversary - At the banquet of Tom and Susan's 25th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration. - Tell us, Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife? Tom responded: - Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 21 Iunie 2007

My sister, a truck driver, had decided to get a dog for protection. As she inspected a likely candidate, the trainer told her, "He doesn't like men." Perfect, my sister thought, and took the dog. Then one day, two men in a parking lot approached her, and she watched to see how her canine bodyguard would react. Soon it became clear that the trainer wasn't kidding. As the men got closer, the dog ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 13 Iunie 2007

A property manager of an apartment complex was showing a unit to prospective tenants and asking the usual questions. "Professionally employed?" he asked. "We're a military family," the wife answered. "Children?" "Oh, yes, ages nine and twelve," she answered proudly. "Animals?" "Oh, no," she said earnestly. "They're very well behaved." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 23 Aprilie 2008

When Charles de Gaulle decided to retire from public life, the British ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his honor. At the dinner table, the Ambassador’s wife was talking with Madame deGaulle: - Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such a presence on the French and international scene for so many years! How quiet retirement will seem in comparison. What ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 6 Martie 2009

A cowboy went to an insurance agency to buy a policy. The agent asked, "Have you ever had an accident?" "Nope," replied the cowboy. "Last summer, a bronc kicked in two of my ribs, and a couple of years ago, a rattlesnake bit me on the ankle." "Wouldn't you call those accidents?" quizzed the puzzled agent. "Naw," the cowboy replied. "They did it on purpose!" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 15 Noiembrie 2006

A soldier stationed in Iraq recently received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows: Dear Ricky, I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 10 Iunie 2005

A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest. A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself. A simple friend has never seen you cry. A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears. A simple friend doesn't know your parents' first names. A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book. A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party. A real friend comes ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 5 Mai 2005