Positive Thinking Poem... Little birdy in the sky, You look up and it shits in your eye You don't mind and you don't...
propus de: Dovy pe data: 10 Mar 2006
A clergyman, walking down a country
lane, saw a young farmer struggling to
load hay back onto a cart after it had
fallen off.
- You look tired, my son, said the
cleric. Why don't you rest a moment, and
I'll give you a hand.
- No thanks, said the young man. My
father wouldn't approve.
- Don't be silly, the minister said.
Everyone is entitled to a break. Come
and have a drink of water.
Again the
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 3 Mai 2007
Sally phoned her husband, Bill, at work
for a chat.
"I'm sorry dear," said Bill, "but I'm up
to my neck in work today. I don't have
time to chat."
Sally replied, "But I've got some good
news and some bad news for you, dear."
"OK, darling," said Bill, "but as I've
got no time right now, just give me the
good news."
"OK," agreed Sally. "Well, the air bag
works!"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 7 August 2008
All eyes were on the radiant bride as
her father escorted her down the aisle.
They reached the altar and the waiting
groom; the bride kissed her father and
placed something in his hand. The guests
in the front pews, and the minister,
responded with ripples of laughter. As
her father gave her away in marriage,
the bride had given him back his credit
card.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 28 Noiembrie 2006
All the scientists die and go to heaven.
They decide to play hide-n-seek.
Unfortunately Einstein is the one who
has the den. He is supposed to count up
to 100 and then start searching.
Everyone starts hiding except Newton.
Newton just draws a square of 1 meter
and stands in it right in front of
Einstein. Einstein's counting:
1,2,3..97,98,99,100.
He opens his eyes and finds Newton
standing in
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 5 Septembrie 2005
On some air bases, the Air Force is on
one side of the field and civilian
aircraft use the other side of the
field, with the control tower in the
middle. One day the tower received a
call from an aircraft asking, "What time
is it?"
The tower responded, "Who is calling?"
The aircraft replied, "What difference
does it make?"
The tower replied, "It makes a lot of
difference. If it is an American
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 10 Iulie 2007
Concerned about fitness in my middle
40s, I enrolled in an aerobics class. To
my dismay I walked into a room filled
with much younger women and decided to
combat my nervousness with humor.
"I'm here to do my postnatal exercises."
The instructor gave me an appraising
look. "How old is your baby?"
"Twenty-six," I replied.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 13 Februarie 2008
On the first day of school, the teacher
asked a student:
- What are your parents' names?
The student replied:
- My father's name is Laughing and my
mother's name is Smiling.
The teacher said:
- Are you kidding?
The student said:
- No, Kidding is my brother. I am
Joking.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 19 Martie 2015
The graduate with a Science degree asks,
"Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree
asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree
asks, "How much will it cost?"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 31 Martie 2005
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an
old lady near a park bench sobbing her
eyes out. I stopped and asked her what
was wrong.
She said: "I have a 22 year old husband
at home. He makes love to me every
morning and then gets up and makes me
pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and
freshly ground coffee."
I said: "Well, then why are you crying?"
She said: "He makes me homemade soup for
lunch and my
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 24 Februarie 2005
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of
your emergency?
Caller: My wife is pregnant and her
contractions are only two minutes apart!
Dispatcher: Is this her first child?
Caller: This is her husband!
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 12 Aprilie 2007
Q: Tarzan and the animals went to the
river to take a bath. Tarzan removed his
clothes. All the animals laughed. Tarzan
asked "Why"?
A: The animals told him. Your tail is in
front".
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 5 Februarie 2007
In a class on abnormal psychology, the
instructor was about to introduce the
subject of manic depression.
The instructor asked, "How would you
diagnose a patient who walks back and
forth, screaming at the top of his lungs
one minute, then sits in a chair weeping
uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear raised his hand
and suggested earnestly, "A basketball
coach?"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 4 Decembrie 2006
- 25th Wedding Anniversary -
At the banquet of Tom and Susan's 25th
wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to
give his friends a brief account of the
benefits of a marriage of such long
duration.
- Tell us, Tom, just what is it you have
learned from all those wonderful years
with your wife?
Tom responded:
- Well, I've learned that marriage is
the best teacher of all. It teaches you
loyalty,
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 21 Iunie 2007
A woman in our diet club was lamenting
that she had gained weight. She'd made
her family's favorite cake over the
weekend, she reported, and they'd eaten
half of it at dinner.
The next day, she said, she kept staring
at the other half, until finally she cut
a thin slice for herself. One slice led
to another, and soon the whole cake was
gone.
The woman went on to tell us how upset
she was with
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 2 Octombrie 2006
A man drinks a shot of whisky every
night before bed. After years of this,
his wife wants him to quit; she gets two
shot glasses, filling one with water and
the other with whisky.
After getting him to the table that has
the glasses, she brings his bait box.
She says, "I want you to see this." She
puts a worm in the water, and it swims
around.
She puts a worm in the whisky, and the
worm dies
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 8 Decembrie 2006