An English professor wrote the words : A woman without her man is nothing on the chalkboard and asked his students to...

Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he would like to eat. - I would have some ****** French toast, he says. The mother is outraged at his language and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants. - Well, I guess that leaves more ******* French toast for me, he says. She is livid and sends him away. Finally she ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Februarie 2006

Sally phoned her husband, Bill, at work for a chat. "I'm sorry dear," said Bill, "but I'm up to my neck in work today. I don't have time to chat." Sally replied, "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you, dear." "OK, darling," said Bill, "but as I've got no time right now, just give me the good news." "OK," agreed Sally. "Well, the air bag works!" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 7 August 2008

A man called 911 and said, "Someone come quick! My wife fell asleep on the couch with her mouth open and a mouse ran down her throat!" The operator replied, "Calm down, sir. Wave a piece of cheese over her mouth and maybe the mouse will come out. An ambulance is on the way." When the ambulance arrived, the EMT found the man waving a fish over his wife's mouth. "What on earth are you doing?" ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 13 August 2008

A dog walks into an employment agency and says: - I'd like to get a job please. The guy at the employment agency says: - Wow, you could easily get a job at the circus, with your talents! The dog replys: - What would the circus want with a plumber? ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 19 Noiembrie 2013

There is an old story about a mother who walks in on her six-year-old son and finds him sobbing. "What's the matter?" she asks. "I've just figured out how to tie my shoes." "Well, honey, that's wonderful." Being a wise mother, she recognizes his victory in the Eriksonian struggle of autonomy versus doubt: "You're growing up, but why are you crying?" "Because," he says, "now I'll have to do it ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 20 Aprilie 2007

A man drinks a shot of whisky every night before bed. After years of this, his wife wants him to quit; she gets two shot glasses, filling one with water and the other with whisky. After getting him to the table that has the glasses, she brings his bait box. She says, "I want you to see this." She puts a worm in the water, and it swims around. She puts a worm in the whisky, and the worm dies ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 8 Decembrie 2006

Heaven is where the police are British, the chefs Italian, the mechanics German, the lovers French and it is all organized by the Swiss. Hell is where police are German, the chefs British, the mechanics French, the lovers Swiss and it is all organized by the Italians. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 29 Noiembrie 2005

A hamster and a rat were sitting on the side of a swimming pool. They were enjoying the sun. Suddenly the rat turned to the hamster and asked him: Dude, How come people consider me a noisance, and you a pet? How come people pay money to have you, while they are trying to kill me? How come you are considered a cute little animal, while I am considered creepy and disgusting? How come you live in ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 Septembrie 2004

A lady about eight months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. So she immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned to a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed even more amused. When, on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested. The case came up in court. The judge asked the man ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 2 Iulie 2007

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What's the nature of your emergency? Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart! Dispatcher: Is this her first child? Caller: This is her husband! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 12 Aprilie 2007

On some air bases, the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?" The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 10 Iulie 2007

CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle. A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter. She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminică, 30 Mai 2010

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? Answer: It's Christmas, Eve! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 14 Noiembrie 2011

This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A format: "Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment? "A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers. "Q. Where will the government get this money? "A. From taxpayers. "Q. So the government is giving me back my own money? "A. No, they are ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 28 Ianuarie 2009

Mr. Gable had a leak in the roof over his dining room, so he called a repairman to take a look at it. "When did you first notice the leak?" the repairman inquired. Mr. Gable scowled. "Last night, when it took me two hours to finish my soup!" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 12 Octombrie 2006