A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Cop. He thinks he is smarter than the Cop so he decides to have some fun at...

Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

propus: 22 Nov 2005

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Cop. He thinks he is smarter than the Cop so he decides to have some fun at the Cop's expense.
Cop says:
- License and registration, please.
Lawyer says:
- What for?
Cop says:
- You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign.
Lawyer says:
- I slowed down, and no one was coming.
Cop says:
- Exactly! License and registration, please.
Lawyer says:
- What's the difference?
Cop says:
- The difference is the law says you have to come to a full and complete stop. License and registration, please!
Lawyer says:
- I'll make you a deal. If you can show me the legal difference between slowdown and stop, I'll give you my license and registration and you can give me the ticket. If not you let me go and no ticket.
Cop says:
- Certainly. Exit your vehicle, sir.
At this point, the Cop takes out his nightstick and starts beating the ever-loving crap out of the Lawyer. All the while, the Cop kept saying...
"Do you want me to stop or just slow down?"

Man: God? God: Yes!? Man: Can I ask you something? God: Yes. Man: What is for you a million of years? God: A second. Man: And a million of dollars? God: A penny. Man: [...]
banc precedent
Stephen Spielberg is casting for a new film based around the great composers. Anyway to give the film a twist and some oomph he decides to cast the parts to the great action heroes of today. [...]
banc următor

After buying her kids a pet hamster, after they PROMISED they would take care of it, Mom, as usual, ended up with the responsibility. One evening, exasperated, she asked them, "How many times do you think that hamster would have died if I hadn't looked after it?" After a moment, her youngest son replied quizzically, "Once?" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 22 August 2007


There are 2 people always next to you:
The Manager, smiling pleasantly to hide
evil intentions!
The Team Leader, busy figuring out what
work to dump on you next...
And, there's YOU, who struggles ...There are 2 people always next to you: The Manager, smiling pleasantly to hide evil intentions! The Team Leader, busy figuring out what work to dump on you next... And, there's YOU, who struggles with it all! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminică, 22 Iunie 2008


A man follows a woman out of a movie theatre. She has a dog on a leash. He stops her and says, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I couldn't help but notice that your dog was really into the movie. He cried at the right spots, he moved nervously in his seat at the boring parts, but most of all, he laughed like crazy at the funny parts. Did you find that unusual?" "Yes," she replied, "I found ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004


A new young bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs: - Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him. - Now, now,. ..her mother comforted, I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding. - No, mother, you don't understand. I bought a frozen turkey roll and he yelled and screamed at me about the price! - Well, the nerve of that lousy cheapskate! says her mom. Those turkey rolls are only a ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 12 Aprilie 2005


To do is to be. Socrate To be is to do. Aristotel Do be do be do. Sinatra ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 19 Decembrie 2005


FEMALE PRAYER Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong One who loves to listen long, One who thinks before he speaks, One who'll call, not wait for weeks. I pray he's gainfully employed, When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed. Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages me back and begs to do more. Oh! Send me ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 23 August 2005


A dog looks at its owner and thinks: "You feed me, care for me, and love me...you must be a god!" A cat looks at its owner and thinks: "You feed me, care for me, and love me...I must be a god!" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 17 August 2005


Two guys walk into a bar, separately, and have a seat at the bar. One guy notices the other has a black eye, just like him. “Hey buddy, how’d you get your shiner?” “Well, I was at the train station, and the ticket girl was veeery hot. And instead of two tickets to Pittsburg, I slipped and said ‘two PICKets to TITTsburg’ and she hit me square in the face. How ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminică, 24 August 2008


After school one day, a young first-grade boy was sitting at the kitchen table, eating his afternoon snack, when he blurted out, "Mom, the teacher was asking me today if I have any brothers or sisters who will be coming to school." The boy's mother replied, "That's nice of her to take such an interest, dear. What did she say when you told her you are an only child?" She just said, "Thank ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 10 Martie 2008


A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted. The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen. He told his wife: 'There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 3 Iunie 2008


The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said: - Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me. - Well, in plain English, the doctor replied, you're just lazy. - Okay, said the man. Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Iunie 2011


Woman's revenge... - Cash, check or charge? I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. - So, do you always carry your TV remote? I asked. - No, she replied, but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 7 Mai 2010


Our pastor, an avid golfer, was once
taking part in a local tournament. As he
was preparing to tee off, the organizer
of the tournament approached him and
pointed to the dark, threatening storm ...Our pastor, an avid golfer, was once taking part in a local tournament. As he was preparing to tee off, the organizer of the tournament approached him and pointed to the dark, threatening storm clouds that were gathering. "Preacher," the organizer said, "I trust you'll see to it that the weather won't turn bad on us." Our pastor shook his head. "Sorry," he replied. "I'm sales, not management!" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 29 Octombrie 2008


Bula at the exam: Teacher: - Bula, I hope that this time I won't catch you cheating again! Bula: - I hope so too. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 18 August 2011


A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed, and left for dead. She described the situation in vivid detail so her students would catch the drama. Then she asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?" A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 2 Mai 2007