Man: God? God: Yes!? Man: Can I ask you something? God: Yes. Man: What is for you a million of years? God: A second. Man:...

TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water? DONALD: H I J K L M N O. TEACHER: What are you talking about? DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 26 Noiembrie 2008

Heaven is where the police are British, the chefs Italian, the mechanics German, the lovers French and it is all organized by the Swiss. Hell is where police are German, the chefs British, the mechanics French, the lovers Swiss and it is all organized by the Italians. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 29 Noiembrie 2005

A man drinks a shot of whisky every night before bed. After years of this, his wife wants him to quit; she gets two shot glasses, filling one with water and the other with whisky. After getting him to the table that has the glasses, she brings his bait box. She says, "I want you to see this." She puts a worm in the water, and it swims around. She puts a worm in the whisky, and the worm dies ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 8 Decembrie 2006

If a man and a woman fell off a 10-story building at the same time, who would reach the ground first? The woman, the man would get lost. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Sâmbătă, 4 Iunie 2011

I recall a time when my son was about 18 months old. I had him strapped into a backpack and was rushing to catch the bus. Apparently I mis-stepped and fell down an entire flight of stairs (13 to be exact). I was bruised and bleeding and had torn my jeans ... but my main concern was, naturally, for my child. My fears were alleviated, though, when from behind me I heard a gleeful giggle followed ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 13 August 2008

Q: How can you tell an extroverted mathematician? A: He stares at YOUR shoes while talking to you. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 30 Aprilie 2008

What did Adam say on the day before Christmas? Answer: It's Christmas, Eve! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 14 Noiembrie 2011

A young husband comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: "Darling, I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody." The next day, a guy from the electric company rings the door-bell, because the young couple hasn't paid their last bill: ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 31 August 2004

Concerned about fitness in my middle 40s, I enrolled in an aerobics class. To my dismay I walked into a room filled with much younger women and decided to combat my nervousness with humor. "I'm here to do my postnatal exercises." The instructor gave me an appraising look. "How old is your baby?" "Twenty-six," I replied. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 13 Februarie 2008

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America. MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America? CLASS: Maria. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 26 Noiembrie 2008

I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me and we all could use more calm in our lives. By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil show, I have finally found inner peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've started." So I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 30 Mai 2005

- Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were awarded medals of honor for courage. ...?...? How many is a brazillion? ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 11 Octombrie 2005

1. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt. 2. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. 3. You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing. 4. A penny saved is a government oversight. 5. The ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 30 Mai 2005

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him. The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions: - Have you any grounds? - Yes, an acre and half and nice ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 16 Ianuarie 2007

A new missionary recruit went to Venezuela for the first time. He was struggling with the language and didn't understand a whole lot of what was going on. Intending to visit one of the local churches, he got lost, but he eventually got back on track and found the place. Having arrived late, the church was already packed. The only pew left was the one on the front row. So as not to make a fool of ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 21 Februarie 2007