1. Project Manager is a person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in one month. 2. Developer is a person who thinks it...

Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

propus: 11 Apr 2005

1. Project Manager is a person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in one month.
2. Developer is a person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a baby.
3. Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks a single woman can deliver nine babies in one month.
4. Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby.
5. Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no man and woman are available.
6. Resource Optimization Team think they don't need a man or woman; they'll produce a child from scratch.
7. Documentation Team thinks they don't care whether the child is delivered, they'll just document 9 months.
8. Quality Auditor is the person who is never happy with the PROCESS to produce a baby.

An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said: - If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess. He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in [...]
banc precedent A new young bride calls her mother in tears. She sobs: - Robert doesn't appreciate what I do for him. - Now, now,. ..her mother comforted, I am sure it was all just a misunderstanding. [...]
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THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Innovative 2. Preliminary 3. Proliferation 4. Cinnamon THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Specificity 2. ...THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Innovative 2. Preliminary 3. Proliferation 4. Cinnamon THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Specificity 2. Anti-constitutionalistically 3. Passive-aggressive disorder 4. Tran substantiate THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. No thanks, I'm married. 2. Nope, no more booze for me! 3. Sorry, but you're not really ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 22 Mai 2008


1. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt. 2. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. 3. You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing. 4. A penny saved is a government oversight. 5. The ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 30 Mai 2005


European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English". In the first year, "s" will ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 5 Aprilie 2006


An engineer was crossing a road one-day when a frog called out to him and said: - If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess. He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and said: - If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week. The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 31 Martie 2005


Woman's revenge... - Cash, check or charge? I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. - So, do you always carry your TV remote? I asked. - No, she replied, but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 7 Mai 2010


Jack Benny is walking down the street, when a stick-up man pulls out a gun and says: Your money or your life! An extremely long silence follows. Your money or your life!, the thug repeats. Finally Benny says: I am thinking! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Februarie 2006


On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student: - What are your parents' names? The student replied: - My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling. The teacher said: - Are you kidding? The student said: - No, Kidding is my brother. I am Joking. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 19 Martie 2015


FINAL EXAM The student reports for his university final examination that consists of yes/no type questions. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes and then, in a fit of inspiration, takes out a coin and starts tossing it, marking the answer sheet: Yes, for Heads, and! No, for Tails. Within half an hour he is all done, whereas the rest of the ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 31 August 2004


Once upon a time in a land far away, a beautiful, independent, self-assured princess happened upon a frog as she sat contemplating ecological issues on the shores of an unpolluted pond in a verdant meadow near her castle. The frog hopped into the princess' lap and said: - Elegant Lady, I was once a handsome prince, until an evil witch cast a spell upon me. One kiss from you, however, and I will ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 12 Septembrie 2007


A lady about eight months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. So she immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned to a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed even more amused. When, on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested. The case came up in court. The judge asked the man ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 2 Iulie 2007


Explicatii de dat atunci cand nu va merg aplicatiile si programele. COUNT DOWN...... 20. "That's weird..." 19. "It's never done that before." 18. "It worked yesterday." 17. "How is that possible?" 16. "It must be a hardware problem." 15. "What did you type in wrong to get it to crash?" 14. "There is something funky in your data." 13. "I haven't touched that module in weeks!" 12. "You must have ... citește tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 28 Noiembrie 2006


When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the psychiatrist began his therapy session. "I'm not aware of your problem," the doctor said. "So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning." "Of course," replied the patient. "In the beginning, I created the heavens and the earth..." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 19 Iulie 2007


One spelling mistake can destroy your life! A husband wrote a message to his wife on his business trip and forgot to add 'e' at the end of a word... "I am having such a wonderful time! I wish you were her..." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 7 Aprilie 2011


- Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were awarded medals of honor for courage. ...?...? How many is a brazillion? ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 11 Octombrie 2005


Two lawyers arrive at the pub and ordered a couple of drinks. They then take sandwiches from their briefcases and began to eat. Seeing this, the angry publican approaches them and says, 'Excuse me, but you cannot eat your own sandwiches in here!' The two look at each other, shrug and exchange sandwiches. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 Iunie 2011