Due to increasing products liability litigation, American liquor manufacturers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the...
propus: 7 Mar 2005
Due to increasing products liability
litigation, American liquor
manufacturers have accepted the FDA's
suggestion that the following warning
labels be placed immediately on all
varieties of alcohol containers:
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol
may leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your bra and panties.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol
may make you think you are whispering
when you are not.
WARNING: The
consumption of alcohol is a major factor
in dancing like a retard.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may cause you
to tell your friends over and over again
that you love them.
WARNING: The
consumption of alcohol may cause you to
think you can sing.
WARNING: The
consumption of alcohol may lead you to
believe that ex-lovers are really dying
for you to telephone them at four in the
morning.
WARNING: The consumption
of alcohol may make you think you can
logically converse with other members of
the opposite sex without spitting.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol
is the leading cause of inexplicable rug
burns on the forehead, knees and lower
back.
WARNING: The consumption of
alcohol may create the illusion that you
are tougher, smarter, faster and better
looking than other people.
WARNING:
The consumption of alcohol may lead you
to think people are laughing WITH you.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol
may cause pregnancy.
WARNING: The
crumsumpten of alcahol may Mack you tink
you can tipe real gode.
If Adam and Eve were Chinese we would still be in paradise because they would have ignored the apple and eaten the snake.
banc precedent I am rejecting your rejection Dear Sir / Madam Thank you for your letter of 4 September 2003. After careful consideration I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal [...]
banc următor
I was out walking with my 4 year old
daughter. She picked up something off
the ground and started to put it in her
mouth. I took the item away from her and
I asked her not to do that. "Why?" my
daughter asked. "Because it's been on
the ground, you don't know where it's
been, it'sdirty and probably has germs"
I replied. At this point, my daughter
looked at me with total admiration and
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 22 Martie 2007
A woman goes into a department store and
tells the salesman she wants a pair of
pink curtains. He assures her they have
a good selection of pink curtains. He
shows her many kinds and different
fabrics of curtains she finally picks
out a pink floral pattern.
The salesman asks, "What size do you
need?"
She says, "15 inch."
He exclaims, "15 INCHES! What room are
they for?"
She says, "It's not for a
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 24 Noiembrie 2005
Jack Benny is walking down the street,
when a stick-up man pulls out a gun and
says: Your money or your life!
An extremely long silence follows. Your
money or your life!, the thug repeats.
Finally Benny says: I am thinking!
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Februarie 2006
A man called home to his wife and said,
"Honey I have been asked to go fishing
up in Canada with my boss & several of
his friends. We'll be gone for a
week. This is a good opportunity for me
to get that promotion I've been
wanting so could you please pack enough
clothes for a week and set out my rod
and fishing box? We're leaving from
the office & I will swing by the house
to pick my
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004
Have you heard of the Air Force's
ultra-high-security, super-secret base
in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51"?
Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force
folks out at Area 51 were very surprised
to see a Cessna landing at their
"secret" base. They immediately
impounded the aircraft and hauled the
pilot into an interrogation room.
The pilot's story was that he took off
from Las Vegas, got lost, and
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 10 Decembrie 2007
A man is walking along a cliff and all
of a sudden loses his balance, slips,
and falls off. Fortunately, he has the
presence of mind to grab on to the edge,
and he's hanging there for dear life. He
hangs and hangs an finally yells out:
"Is there anybody up there who can help
me?"
There's no answer.
He keeps calling and calling. "Is there
anybody up there who can help me?".
Finally this big
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 20 August 2007
Two lawyers arrive at the pub and
ordered a couple of drinks. They then
take sandwiches from their briefcases
and began to eat.
Seeing this, the angry publican
approaches them and says, 'Excuse me,
but you cannot eat your own sandwiches
in here!'
The two look at each other, shrug and
exchange sandwiches.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 Iunie 2011
Three kids come down to the kitchen and
sit around the breakfast table. The
mother asks the oldest boy what he would
like to eat.
- I would have some ****** French toast,
he says.
The mother is outraged at his language
and sends him upstairs.
She asks the middle child what he wants.
- Well, I guess that leaves more *******
French toast for me, he says.
She is livid and sends him away. Finally
she
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Februarie 2006
The man told his doctor that he wasn't
able to do all the things around the
house that he used to do. When the
examination was complete, he said:
- Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in
plain English what is wrong with me.
- Well, in plain English, the doctor
replied, you're just lazy.
- Okay, said the man. Now give me the
medical term so I can tell my wife.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Iunie 2011
Two mothers are having a conversation
about their children one day.
- How do you get your Marvin up so early
on school mornings? asks Joan.
- Oh, that's easy, replies Marianne. I
just throw the cat on his bed.
- Why does that wake him up?
- He sleeps with the dog!
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 13 Martie 2008
My wife's family and I were at a Harding
University football game. Every time
someone carried the ball or made a
tackle, the announcer would broadcast
who had made the play.
Near the beginning of the third quarter
after the announcer called a play, my
niece, Madison, looked up at my wife and
innocently asked, "Is that God talking?"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 22 Noiembrie 2006
I'm sorry that you haven't
gotten much email from me lately.
It's because I'm tired. For a
couple years I've been blaming it on
iron poor blood, lack of vitamins,
dieting and a dozen other maladies. But
now I found out the real reason. I'm
tired because I'm overworked.
The population of this country is 237
million. 104 million are retired. That
leaves 133 million to do
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004
A woman in our diet club was lamenting
that she had gained weight. She'd made
her family's favorite cake over the
weekend, she reported, and they'd eaten
half of it at dinner.
The next day, she said, she kept staring
at the other half, until finally she cut
a thin slice for herself. One slice led
to another, and soon the whole cake was
gone.
The woman went on to tell us how upset
she was with
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 2 Octombrie 2006
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and
suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and
suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red
wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans.
4. The Italians drink excessive amounts
of red wine and suffer fewer heart
attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and
eat lots
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 11 Noiembrie 2004