TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested? HAROLD: A teacher
propus de: Claudia pe data: 1 Mai 2009
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a
person who keeps on talking when people
are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A
teacher
You are driving along in your car on a
wild, stormy night. You pass by a bus
stop, and you see three people waiting
for the bus:
1. An old lady who
looks as if she is about to die.
2.
An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect man (or) woman you
have been dreaming about.
Which one
would you choose to offer a ride to,
knowing that there could only be one
passenger in your car.
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 16 Mai 2005
Jack and Max are walking from religious
service. Jack wonders whether it would
be all right to smoke while praying. Max
replies, "Why don't you ask the
Priest?" So Jack goes up to the Priest
and asks, "Priest, may I smoke while I
pray?"
But the Priest says,
"No, my son, you may not. That's
utter disrespect to our religion."
Jack goes back to his friend and
tells him what the good
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 1 Septembrie 2004
A woman in our diet club was lamenting
that she had gained weight. She'd made
her family's favorite cake over the
weekend, she reported, and they'd eaten
half of it at dinner.
The next
day, she said, she kept staring at the
other half, until finally she cut a thin
slice for herself. One slice led to
another, and soon the whole cake was
gone.
The woman went on to tell
us how upset she was
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 2 Octombrie 2006
Hung Chow calls work and says:
-
Hey, boss I no come work today, I really
sick. I got headache, stomach ache and
my legs hurt, I no come work.
The
boss says:
- You know Hung Chow, I
really need you today. When I feel like
that I go to my wife and tell her to
sing for me. That makes everything
better and I go work. You try that.
Two hours later Hung Chow calls
again:
- Boss, I do what you say
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 16 Martie 2005
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN
DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2.
Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4.
Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY
DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1.
Specificity
2.
Anti-constitutionalistically
3.
Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Tran
substantiate
THINGS THAT ARE
DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2.
Nope, no more booze for me!
3.
Sorry, but
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 22 Mai 2008
An eighteen-year-old girl tells her Mom
that she has missed her period for two
months. Very worried, the mother goes to
the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit.
The test result shows that the girl is
pregnant.
Shouting, crying, the
mother says, "Who did this to you? I
want to know!"
The girl picks up the
phone and makes a call. Half an hour
later a Ferrari stops in front of their
house; a mature
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004
Q: What's the difference between biology
and sociology?
A: When the baby
looks like his dad or mom, then it is
biology. When the baby looks like the
neighbour, then it is sociology.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 5 Februarie 2007
Mr. Gable had a leak in the roof over
his dining room, so he called a
repairman to take a look at it. "When
did you first notice the leak?" the
repairman inquired.
Mr. Gable
scowled. "Last night, when it took me
two hours to finish my soup!"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 12 Octombrie 2006
1. There's always a lot to be
thankful for if you take time to look
for it. For example, I am sitting here
thinking how nice it is that wrinkles
don't hurt.
2. The easiest
way to find something lost around the
house is to buy a replacement.
3. You don't stop laughing
because you grow old. You grow old
because you stop laughing.
4. A
penny saved is a government
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 30 Mai 2005
On the first day of school, the teacher
asked a student:
- What are your
parents' names?
The student replied:
- My father's name is Laughing and
my mother's name is Smiling.
The
teacher said:
- Are you kidding?
The student said:
- No, Kidding
is my brother. I am Joking.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 19 Martie 2015
Unexpected cold snaps had destroyed the
buds on my father's young peach tree for
two years in a row. This spring, Dad was
ready. He replanted the sapling in a
large box, mounted it on wheels, and put
the tree in the garage whenever the
temperature dropped.
One warm April
day, Dad was wheeling the tree out into
the yard, and he stopped to give our dog
a drink from the garden hose. A neighbor
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 14 Iunie 2007
Woman's revenge...
- Cash, check or
charge? I asked, after folding items the
woman wished to purchase.
As she
fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a
remote control for a television set in
her purse.
- So, do you always carry
your TV remote? I asked.
- No, she
replied, but my husband refused to come
shopping with me, and I figured this was
the most evil thing I could do to him
legally.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 7 Mai 2010