TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his...
propus de: Claudia pe data: 1 Mai 2009
TEACHER: George Washington not only
chopped down his father's cherry tree,
but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you
know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the
axe in his hand.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and
suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot
of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks
than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink
very little red wine and suffer fewer
heart attacks than Americans.
4. The
Italians drink excessive amounts of red
wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans.
5. The Germans drink a
lot of beers and eat
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 11 Noiembrie 2004
About five years ago, the battery in my
beat-up VW Beetle had died because I
left the lights on overnight. I was in a
hurry to get to work on time, so I ran
into the house to get my wife to give me
a hand in starting the car.
I
told her to get into our second car, a
prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and
use it to push my car fast enough to
start it. I pointed out to her that
because the VW
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 18 Ianuarie 2008
A man is waiting in line for a hit
movie. Behind him are two women. The
usher comes along and says that he has
two seats together. Seeing the problem,
the usher says to the man, "Let them go
first. You wouldn't want to separate a
woman from her mother, would you?"
The man says, "No, sir. I did that
once, and I've been sorry ever since."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 1 Aprilie 2008
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an
old lady near a park bench sobbing her
eyes out. I stopped and asked her what
was wrong.
She said: "I have a 22
year old husband at home. He makes love
to me every morning and then gets up and
makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit
and freshly ground coffee."
I said:
"Well, then why are you crying?"
She
said: "He makes me homemade soup for
lunch and my
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 24 Februarie 2005
Little Logan and his family were having
Thanksgiving dinner at his grandmother's
house. Everyone was seated round the
table as the food was being served. When
little Logan received his plate, he
started eating right away.
- Logan,
wait until we say our prayer, his mother
reminded him.
- I don't need to, the
little boy replied.
- Of course you
do! his mother insisted, We say a prayer
before
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 21 Noiembrie 2006
Mr. Gable had a leak in the roof over
his dining room, so he called a
repairman to take a look at it. "When
did you first notice the leak?" the
repairman inquired.
Mr. Gable
scowled. "Last night, when it took me
two hours to finish my soup!"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 12 Octombrie 2006
There are 2 people always next to you:
The Manager, smiling pleasantly to
hide evil intentions!
The Team
Leader, busy figuring out what work to
dump on you next...
And, there's
YOU, who struggles with it all!
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminică, 22 Iunie 2008
My wife's family and I were at a Harding
University football game. Every time
someone carried the ball or made a
tackle, the announcer would broadcast
who had made the play.
Near the
beginning of the third quarter after the
announcer called a play, my niece,
Madison, looked up at my wife and
innocently asked, "Is that God talking?"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 22 Noiembrie 2006
At a U2 concert in Ireland, Bono (the
lead singer) asks the audience for some
quiet. Then he starts to slowly clap his
hands. Holding the audience in total
silence, he says into the microphone...
"I want you to think about
something. Every time I clap my hands, a
child in Africa dies."
A voice from
the front of the audience yells out...
"Then ****** stop clapping, ya
********!"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 19 Iunie 2007
Unexpected cold snaps had destroyed the
buds on my father's young peach tree for
two years in a row. This spring, Dad was
ready. He replanted the sapling in a
large box, mounted it on wheels, and put
the tree in the garage whenever the
temperature dropped.
One warm April
day, Dad was wheeling the tree out into
the yard, and he stopped to give our dog
a drink from the garden hose. A neighbor
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 14 Iunie 2007
An engineer was crossing a road one-day
when a frog called out to him and said:
- If you kiss me, I'll turn into
a beautiful princess.
He bent over,
picked up the frog and put it in his
pocket.
The frog spoke up again and
said:
- If you kiss me and turn me
back into a beautiful princess, I will
stay with you for one week.
The
engineer took the frog out of his
pocket, smiled at it and
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 31 Martie 2005
TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence
starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say,
'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am
the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 26 Noiembrie 2008
I recall a time when my son was about 18
months old. I had him strapped into a
backpack and was rushing to catch the
bus. Apparently I mis-stepped and fell
down an entire flight of stairs (13 to
be exact). I was bruised and bleeding
and had torn my jeans ... but my main
concern was, naturally, for my child.
My fears were alleviated,
though, when from behind me I heard a
gleeful giggle followed
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 13 August 2008