This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the...
propus de: Sorin pe data: 28 Ian 2009
This year, taxpayers will receive an
Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a
very exciting new program that I will
explain using the Q and A
format:
"Q. What is an Economic
Stimulus Payment?
"A. It is money
that the federal government will send to
taxpayers.
"Q. Where will the
government get this money?
"A. From
taxpayers.
"Q. So the
government is giving me back my own
money?
"A. No, they are borrowing it
from China. Your children are expected
to repay the Chinese.
"Q. What
is the purpose of this payment?
"A.
The plan is that you will use the money
to purchase a high-definition TV set,
thus stimulating the economy.
"Q. But isn't that stimulating the
economy of China?
"A. Shut up."
A few years ago, I decided to visit my
brother who was stationed in Germany. I
assumed that most Germans would speak
English. But I found that many people
spoke only their native tongue -
including the ticket inspector on the
train.
He punched my ticket, then
chatted cordially for a bit, making
gestures like a windmill. I simply
nodded from time to time to show him
that I was interested.
When
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 20 Octombrie 2006
Q: What's the difference between biology
and sociology?
A: When the baby
looks like his dad or mom, then it is
biology. When the baby looks like the
neighbour, then it is sociology.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 5 Februarie 2007
A man visited a psychiatrist to talk
about his dreams.
"Every night," the
man said, "I dream that these three
hideous monsters are sitting on the edge
of my bed, ready to attack me."
"Hmmm," said the doctor. "I feel
sure I can cure you of this problem. But
the treatment will cost you somewhere
between twenty-five and thirty thousand
dollars."
"Thirty thousand dollars!"
the man gasped. "Never
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 9 Martie 2007
Some lines:
1. I feel like I'm
diagonally parked in a parallel
universe.
2. On the other hand,
it's better to have fingers than toes.
3. A day without sunshine is
like. .. night!
4. How many of
you believe in psycho-kenisis? Raise my
hand.
5. Everyone has a
photographic memory, but some don't have
any film.
6. When everything is
coming your way. .. you're in the wrong
lane.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 17 August 2006
This year, taxpayers will receive an
Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a
very exciting new program that I will
explain using the Q and A
format:
"Q. What is an Economic
Stimulus Payment?
"A. It is money
that the federal government will send to
taxpayers.
"Q. Where will the
government get this money?
"A. From
taxpayers.
"Q. So the
government is giving me back my own
money?
"A. No,
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 28 Ianuarie 2009
If you love something, set it free. If
it comes back, itwill always be yours.
If it doesn't come back, it was never
yours to begin with. But, if it just
sits in your living room, messes up your
stuff, eats your food, uses your
telephone, takes your money, and doesn't
appear to realize that you had set it
free... You either married it or gave
birth to it
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 9 August 2007
1. There's always a lot to be
thankful for if you take time to look
for it. For example, I am sitting here
thinking how nice it is that wrinkles
don't hurt.
2. The easiest
way to find something lost around the
house is to buy a replacement.
3. You don't stop laughing
because you grow old. You grow old
because you stop laughing.
4. A
penny saved is a government
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 30 Mai 2005
FINAL EXAM
The student reports
for his university final examination
that consists of yes/no type questions.
He takes his seat in the examination
hall, stares at the question paper for
five minutes and then, in a fit of
inspiration, takes out a coin and starts
tossing it, marking the answer sheet:
Yes, for Heads, and! No, for Tails.
Within half an hour he is all done,
whereas the rest of the
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 31 August 2004
A husband, the owner of a new car, was
somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to
drive his prize possession, even to the
grocery store, which was a few blocks
from the house.
After she insisted,
he finally relented, cautioning her as
she departed, "Remember, if you have an
accident, the newspaper will print your
age."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 25 Septembrie 2008
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and
suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot
of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks
than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink
very little red wine and suffer fewer
heart attacks than Americans.
4. The
Italians drink excessive amounts of red
wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than
Americans.
5. The Germans drink a
lot of beers and eat
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 11 Noiembrie 2004
European Commission has just announced
an agreement whereby English will be the
official language of the European Union
rather than German, which was the other
possibility.
As part of the
negotiations, the British Government
conceded that English spelling had some
room for improvement and has accepted a
5- year phase-in plan that would become
known as "Euro-English".
In the
first year, "s" will
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 5 Aprilie 2006
I recall a time when my son was about 18
months old. I had him strapped into a
backpack and was rushing to catch the
bus. Apparently I mis-stepped and fell
down an entire flight of stairs (13 to
be exact). I was bruised and bleeding
and had torn my jeans ... but my main
concern was, naturally, for my child.
My fears were alleviated,
though, when from behind me I heard a
gleeful giggle followed
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 13 August 2008