When Charles de Gaulle decided to retire from public life, the British ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his honor. At the dinner table, the Ambassador’s wife was talking with Madame deGaulle:
- Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such a presence on the French and international scene for so many years! How quiet retirement will seem in comparison. What are you most looking forward to in these retirement years?
- A penis, replied Madame deGaulle.
A huge hush fell over the table. Everyone heard her answer... and no one knew what to say next. Le Grand Charles leaned over to his wife and said:
- Ma cherie, I believe ze English pronounce [...] citește tot

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 6 Martie 2009
Nota 8.4 din 11 voturi

Hung Chow calls work and says:
- Hey, boss I no come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt, I no come work.
The boss says:
- You know Hung Chow, I really need you today. When I feel like that I go to my wife and tell her to sing for me. That makes everything better and I go work. You try that.
Two hours later Hung Chow calls again:
- Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house. : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 16 Martie 2005
Nota 8.3 din 9 voturi

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%.

The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said:
- Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.

To which the gentleman said:
- Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times already! : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 19 Noiembrie 2013
Nota 8.3 din 6 voturi

I've sure gotten old. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, and new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, and take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my friends. But, thankfully, I still have my driver's license. : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 11 Decembrie 2006
Nota 8.3 din 6 voturi

A boy who was a witness to a crime was called to testify in court. He was approached by the defense attorney who asked, "Did anyone tell you what to say in court?"
"Yes, sir," answered the boy.
"I thought so," said the attorney. "Who was it?"
"My father, sir."
"And what did he tell you?" the attorney asked accusingly.
"He said that the lawyers would try to get me all tangled up, but if I told the truth, everything would be all right." : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 13 Noiembrie 2006
Nota 8.3 din 6 voturi

An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas.
Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home.
Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?"
Margaret looked him over.. "Nope."
Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen completely naked except for the boots.
Again he asked Margaret, a little louder this time, "Notice anything different NOW?"
Margaret looked up and exclaimed, "Bert, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again [...] citește tot

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 27 Ianuarie 2009
Nota 8.3 din 13 voturi

A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son. They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy. The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son. He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife:
'There's no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?'
The wife smiled sweetly and replied, 'Not this time!' : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 3 Iunie 2008
Nota 8.3 din 10 voturi

Ce ar putea intelege cineva care nu stie engleza atunci cand te aude spunand: "I can't believe you."
Raspuns: "Ai Kent, ba Liviu?" : : deschide bancul

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 11 Noiembrie 2014
Nota 8.3 din 7 voturi

This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A
format:

"Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
"A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

"Q. Where will the government get this money?
"A. From taxpayers.

"Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
"A. No, they are borrowing it from China. Your children are expected to repay the Chinese.

"Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
"A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

"Q. But isn't [...] citește tot

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 28 Ianuarie 2009
Nota 8.3 din 7 voturi

A truck driver had to deliver five hundred penguins to the state zoo. As he was driving his truck through the desert, the truck broke down.

After waiting by the side of the road for about three hours, he waved another truck down and offered the driver $500 to take the penguins to the state zoo for him.

The next day, the first truck driver arrived in town and saw the second truck driver crossing the road with 500 penguins walking in single file behind him.

The first truck driver jumped out of his truck and said, "What's going on? I gave you $500 to take these penguins to the zoo!"

The second truck driver replied, "I did take them to the zoo. And I had [...] citește tot

Categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)
Pe site din data de: 3 Decembrie 2007
Nota 8.3 din 7 voturi