WORDS A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day: 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied,...
propus: 30 Mai 2010
WORDS
A husband read an article to
his wife about how many words women use
a day: 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The
wife replied, 'The reason has to be
because we have to repeat everything to
men...
The husband then turned to
his wife and asked, 'What?'
A property manager of an apartment
complex was showing a unit to
prospective tenants and asking the usual
questions.
"Professionally
employed?" he asked.
"We're a
military family," the wife answered.
"Children?"
"Oh, yes, ages nine
and twelve," she answered proudly.
"Animals?"
"Oh, no," she said
earnestly. "They're very well behaved."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 23 Aprilie 2008
Two mothers are having a conversation
about their children one day.
- How
do you get your Marvin up so early on
school mornings? asks Joan.
- Oh,
that's easy, replies Marianne. I just
throw the cat on his bed.
- Why does
that wake him up?
- He sleeps with
the dog!
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 13 Martie 2008
Manning the computer help desk for the
local school district was my first job.
And though I was just an intern, I took
the job very seriously. But not every
caller took me seriously.
- Can I
talk to a real person? a caller asked.
- I am real, I said.
- Oh, I'm
sorry, the caller said. That was rude of
me. What I meant to say was, could I
talk to someone who actually knows
something?
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 14 Martie 2008
FINAL EXAM
The student reports
for his university final examination
that consists of yes/no type questions.
He takes his seat in the examination
hall, stares at the question paper for
five minutes and then, in a fit of
inspiration, takes out a coin and starts
tossing it, marking the answer sheet:
Yes, for Heads, and! No, for Tails.
Within half an hour he is all done,
whereas the rest of the
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 31 August 2004
Three kids come down to the kitchen and
sit around the breakfast table. The
mother asks the oldest boy what he would
like to eat.
- I would have some
****** French toast, he says.
The
mother is outraged at his language and
sends him upstairs.
She asks the
middle child what he wants.
- Well,
I guess that leaves more ******* French
toast for me, he says.
She is livid
and sends him away.
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Februarie 2006
European Commission has just announced
an agreement whereby English will be the
official language of the European Union
rather than German, which was the other
possibility.
As part of the
negotiations, the British Government
conceded that English spelling had some
room for improvement and has accepted a
5- year phase-in plan that would become
known as "Euro-English".
In the
first year, "s" will
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 5 Aprilie 2006
Jack Benny is walking down the street,
when a stick-up man pulls out a gun and
says: Your money or your life!
An
extremely long silence follows. Your
money or your life!, the thug repeats.
Finally Benny says: I am thinking!
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Februarie 2006
An English professor wrote the words :
"A woman without her man is nothing"
on the chalkboard and asked his
students to punctuate it correctly.
All of the males in the class
wrote:
"A woman, without her man,
is nothing."
All the
females in the class wrote:
"A
woman: without her, man is nothing."
Punctuation is powerful
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 31 August 2004
Positive Thinking Poem...
Little birdy in the sky,
You
look up and it shits in your eye
You don't mind and you don't cry,
You just thank God that cows don't
fly...
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 10 Martie 2006
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN
DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2.
Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4.
Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY
DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1.
Specificity
2.
Anti-constitutionalistically
3.
Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Tran
substantiate
THINGS THAT ARE
DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2.
Nope, no more booze for me!
3.
Sorry, but
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 22 Mai 2008
A dog looks at its owner and thinks:
"You feed me, care for me, and love
me...you must be a god!"
A cat looks
at its owner and thinks: "You feed me,
care for me, and love me...I must be a
god!"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 17 August 2005
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical
formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L
M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking
about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said
it's H to O.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 26 Noiembrie 2008
Two guys walk into a bar, separately,
and have a seat at the bar.
One
guy notices the other has a black eye,
just like him.
“Hey buddy,
how’d you get your shiner?”
“Well, I was at the train station,
and the ticket girl was veeery hot. And
instead of two tickets to Pittsburg, I
slipped and said ‘two PICKets to
TITTsburg’ and she hit me square in
the
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminică, 24 August 2008