Phrases For Your Out-Of-The-Office E-Mail Auto-Reply: - I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I...
propus: 18 Oct 2004
Phrases For Your "Out-Of-The-Office"
E-Mail Auto-Reply: Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.
- I am
currently out at a job interview and
will reply to you if I fail to get the
position. Be prepared for my mood.
- I'm not really out of the office.
I'm just ignoring you.
are receiving this automatic
notification because I am out of the
office. If I was in, chances are you
wouldn't have received anything at all.
- Sorry to have missed you but
I am at the doctors having my brain
removed so that I may be promoted to
- I will be unable
to delete all the unread, worthless
emails you send me until I return from
vacation on 4/18. Please be patient and
your mail will be deleted in the order
it was received.
- Thank you
for your email. Your credit card has
been charged $5.99 for the first ten
words and $1.99 for each additional word
in your message.
- The e-mail
server is unable to verify your server
connection and is unable to deliver this
message. Please restart your computer
and try sending again. 'The beauty of it
is that when I return, I can see how
many in-duh-viduals did this over and
- Thank you for your
message, which has been added to a
- You are
currently in 352nd place, and can expect
to receive a reply in approximately 19
- Please reply to this
e-mail so I will know that you got this
- I am on holiday.
Your e-mail has been deleted.
Hi. I'm thinking about what you've just
sent me. Please wait by your PC for my
- Hi! I'm busy
negotiating the salary for my new job.
Don't bother to leave me any messages.
- I've run away to join a
FINALLY, ABSOLUTELY THE BEST:
be out of the office for the next 2
weeks for medical reasons. When I
return, please refer to me as 'Loretta'
instead of 'Steve'.'
banc precedent I'm sorry that you haven't gotten much email from me lately. It's because I'm tired. For a couple years I've been blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies. [...]
Headlines from the year 2029:
Ozone created by electric cars now
killing millions in the seventh largest
country in the world, Mexifornia,
formerly known as California. White
minorities still trying to have English
recognized as Mexifornia's third
Spotted Owl plague
threatens northwestern United States
crops and livestock.
conceived naturally. Scientists stumped.
Couple ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Martie 2006
When you have an "I hate My Job" day,
On your way home from
work, stop at your pharmacy and go to
the thermometer section and purchase a
rectal thermometer made by Johnson &
Johnson. Be very sure you get this
brand. When you get home, lock your
doors, draw the curtains and disconnect
the phone so you will not be disturbed.
Change into very comfortable clothing
and sit in your ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 12 Septembrie 2006
1. The sport of choice for the urban
poor is BASKETBALL.
2. The sport of
choice for maintenance level employees
3. The sport of choice
for front-line workers is FOOTBALL.
4. The sport of choice for
supervisors is BASEBALL.
sport of choice for middle management is
6. The sport of choice for
corporate officers is GOLF.
you are in ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004
Two cows are conversing in a field. The
first one says to the other, "Have you
heard about this 'mad cow disease' that
is going around?"
The second cow
responds, "Yeah, but I'm not worried
about it; I'm an airplane!" ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 23 Iulie 2008
TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical
formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L
M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking
DONALD: Yesterday you said
it's H to O. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 26 Noiembrie 2008
Sally phoned her husband, Bill, at work
for a chat.
"I'm sorry dear," said
Bill, "but I'm up to my neck in work
today. I don't have time to chat."
Sally replied, "But I've got some
good news and some bad news for you,
"OK, darling," said Bill,
"but as I've got no time right now, just
give me the good news."
Sally. "Well, the air bag works!" ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 7 August 2008
A linguistics professor was lecturing
his class one day.
- In English, he
said, a double negative forms a
positive. In some languages, though,
such as Romanian, a double negative is
still a negative. However, there is no
language wherein a double positive can
form a negative.
A loud voice from
the back of the room piped up:
Yeah, right. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 Iunie 2011
A dog looks at its owner and thinks:
"You feed me, care for me, and love
me...you must be a god!"
A cat looks
at its owner and thinks: "You feed me,
care for me, and love me...I must be a
god!" ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 17 August 2005
I went to the cinema the other day and
in the front row was an old man and with
him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind
of film, you know the type. In the sad
part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in
the funny part, the dog laughed its head
off. This happened all the way through
the film. After the film had ended, I
decided to go and speak to the man:
- That's the most amazing thing I've
seen, ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 14 Noiembrie 2011
- Bless me Father, for I have sinned
with a woman.
The priest asks, "Is
that you, little Johnny Parisi?"
Yes, Father, it is.
- And who was
the woman you were with?
- I can't
tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin
- Well, Johnny, I'm
sure to find out her name sooner or
later, so you may as well tell me now.
Was it Tina Minetti?
- I cannot say.
- Was it Teresa Volpe?
- ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 6 Octombrie 2006