A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and...
propus: 8 Aug 2007
A couple had only been married for two
weeks and the husband, although very
much in love, couldn't wait to go out on
the town and party with his old buddies.
So, he said to his new wife,
"Honey, I'll be right back."
"Where
are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the
wife.
"I'm going to the bar, Pretty
Face," he answered. I'm going to have a
beer."
The wife said, "You want a
beer, my love?" She opened the door to
the refrigerator and showed him 25
different kinds of beer, brands from 12
different countries: Germany, Holland,
Japan, India, etc.
The husband
didn't know what to do, and the only
thing that he could think of saying was,
"Yes, Lollipop... but at the bar... You
know... they have frozen glasses... "
He didn't get to finish the
sentence, because the wife interrupted
him by saying, "You want a frozen glass,
Puppy Face?" She took a huge beer mug
out of the freezer, so frozen that she
was getting chills just holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale,
said, "Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar
they have those hors d'oeuvres that are
really delicious... I won't be long.
I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"
"You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie
Pooh?" She opened the oven and took out
5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres:
chicken wings, pigs in blankets,
mushroom caps, and little quiches.
"But my sweet honey... at the
bar.... you know there's swearing, dirty
words and all that..."
"You want
dirty words, Cutie Pie? LISTEN UP! SIT
YOUR ASS DOWN, SHUT UP, DRINK YOUR BEER
IN YOUR FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR HORS
D'OEUVRES BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED ASS ISN'T
GOING TO THE BAR! THAT IS OVER, GOT IT,
DARLING?"
And they lived happily
ever after.
Isn't that a sweet
story?
A man visited a psychiatrist to talk
about his dreams.
"Every night," the
man said, "I dream that these three
hideous monsters are sitting on the edge
of my bed, ready to attack me."
"Hmmm," said the doctor. "I feel
sure I can cure you of this problem. But
the treatment will cost you somewhere
between twenty-five and thirty thousand
dollars."
"Thirty thousand dollars!"
the man gasped. "Never
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 9 Martie 2007
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your
emergency?
Caller: I heard what
sounded like gunshots coming from the
brown house on the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and
slacks, why?
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 12 Aprilie 2007
On a sunny morning, William's mother
came into her son's room and said,
"William, it's Sunday. Time to get up!
Time to get up and go to church! Get
up!"
From under the covers came
mumbles, "I don't want to go!"
"What
do you mean?" she said. "That's silly!
Now get up and get dressed and go to
church!"
"No!" he shot back. "I'll
give you two reasons. I don't like them
and they don't like
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Sâmbătă, 14 Iulie 2007
I am passing this on to you because it
definitely worked for me and we all
could use more calm in our lives. By
following the simple advice I heard on a
Dr. Phil show, I have finally found
inner peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed, "The
way to achieve inner peace is to finish
all the things you've started." So I
looked around my house to see all the
things I started and hadn't
finished, and before
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 30 Mai 2005
"Davey, what sound does a cow make?"
Davey replied, "It goes 'moo.'"
"Alice, what sound does a cat make?"
Alice said, "It goes 'meow.'"
"Jamie, what sound does a lamb
make?"
Jamie said, "It goes 'baaa.'"
"Jennifer, what sound does a
mouse make?"
Jennifer paused, and
said, "Uhh. .. it goes. .. 'click!'"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 14 August 2007
During a taxi, the crew of a US Air
departure flight to Ft. Lauderdale made
a wrong turn and came nose-to-nose with
a United 727. The irate ground
controller (a female) lashed out at the
US Air crew screaming, "US Air 2771,
where are you going? I told you to turn
right on 'Charlie' taxi way; you turned
right on 'Delta.' Stop right there. I
know it's difficult to tell the
difference between a C
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 25 Martie 2008
The truth about working in the IT
industry:
1. We work weird
(night) shifts...
2. They pay you to
make the client happy...
3. The
client pays a lot of money, but your
employer keeps almost every penny...
4. You are rewarded for fulfilling
the client's dreams...
5. Your
friends fall apart and you end up
hanging out with people in the same
profession as you...
6. When you
have to meet the
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 27 Noiembrie 2006
A cat died and went to Heaven. God met
her at the gates and said:
- You
have been a good cat all these years.
Anything you want is yours for the
asking.
The cat thought for a minute
and then said:
- All my life I lived
on a farm and slept on hard wooden
floors. I would like a real fluffy
pillow to sleep on.
God said:
-
Say no more.
Instantly the cat had a
huge fluffy pillow.
A few days
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 30 Martie 2005
Friends of women:
A wife was
not at home for a whole night. So she
tells her husband, the very next
morning, that she stayed at her
girlfriend's apartment over night.
So the husband calls 10 of her best
girlfriends and none of them confirm
that.
Friends of men:
A husband was not at home for a
whole night. So he tells his wife the
very next morning, that he stayed at his
friend's
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 28 Septembrie 2004
All the scientists die and go to heaven.
They decide to play hide-n-seek.
Unfortunately Einstein is the one who
has the den. He is supposed to count up
to 100 and then start searching.
Everyone starts hiding except Newton.
Newton just draws a square of 1 meter
and stands in it right in front of
Einstein. Einstein's counting:
1,2,3..97,98,99,100.
He opens his
eyes and finds Newton standing in
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 5 Septembrie 2005
A couple had only been married for two
weeks and the husband, although very
much in love, couldn't wait to go out on
the town and party with his old buddies.
So, he said to his new wife,
"Honey, I'll be right back."
"Where
are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the
wife.
"I'm going to the bar, Pretty
Face," he answered. I'm going to have a
beer."
The wife said, "You want a
beer, my love?" She
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 August 2007
Robert went to his lawyer and said:
- I would like to make a will, but I
don't know exactly how to go about it.
The lawyer smiled at Robert and
replied:
- Not a problem, leave it
all to me.
Robert looked somewhat
upset and said:
- Well, I knew you
were going to take a big portion, but I
would like to leave a little to my
family too!
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 Iunie 2011
A property manager of an apartment
complex was showing a unit to
prospective tenants and asking the usual
questions.
"Professionally
employed?" he asked.
"We're a
military family," the wife answered.
"Children?"
"Oh, yes, ages nine
and twelve," she answered proudly.
"Animals?"
"Oh, no," she said
earnestly. "They're very well behaved."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 23 Aprilie 2008