A clergyman, walking down a country lane, saw a young farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off. -...

Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

propus: 3 Mai 2007

A clergyman, walking down a country lane, saw a young farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off.
- You look tired, my son, said the cleric. Why don't you rest a moment, and I'll give you a hand.
- No thanks, said the young man. My father wouldn't approve.
- Don't be silly, the minister said. Everyone is entitled to a break. Come and have a drink of water.
Again the young man protested that his father would be upset. Losing his patience just a little, the clergyman said:
- Your father must be a real slave driver. Tell me where I can find him and I'll give him a piece of my mind!
- Well, replied the young farmer, you can tell him whatever you like just as soon as I get this hay off him.

First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet School were receiving theirfirst anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. [...]
banc precedent
Students at a school were asked to write about the harmful effects of oil on fish. One 11-year-old wrote, When my mom opened a tin of sardines last night, it was full of oil and all the sardines [...]
banc urmator

A US Navy Admiral was attending a naval conference that included 20 Admirals from the US, English, Canadian, Australian and French Navies.
At a reception, he found himself standing with a huge group of officers that included personnel from most of the countries.
Everyone was chatting away in English as they sipped their drinks, but a French admiral suddenly complained that, whereas Europeans ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 4 Iulie 2007


What did Adam say on the day before Christmas?
Answer: It's Christmas, Eve! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 14 Noiembrie 2011


A linguistics professor was lecturing his class one day.
- In English, he said, a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, though, such as Romanian, a double negative is still a negative. However, there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative.
A loud voice from the back of the room piped up:
- Yeah, right. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 Iunie 2011


TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 26 Noiembrie 2008


I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that. "Why?" my daughter asked. "Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's been, it'sdirty and probably has germs" I replied. At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 22 Martie 2007


Two guys walk into a bar, separately, and have a seat at the bar.

One guy notices the other has a black eye, just like him.

“Hey buddy, how’d you get your shiner?”

“Well, I was at the train station, and the ticket girl was veeery hot. And instead of two tickets to Pittsburg, I slipped and said ‘two PICKets to TITTsburg’ and she hit me square in the ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminica, 24 August 2008


Robert went to his lawyer and said:
- I would like to make a will, but I don't know exactly how to go about it.
The lawyer smiled at Robert and replied:
- Not a problem, leave it all to me.
Robert looked somewhat upset and said:
- Well, I knew you were going to take a big portion, but I would like to leave a little to my family too! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 Iunie 2011


Our pastor, an avid golfer, was once
taking part in a local tournament. As he
was preparing to tee off, the organizer
of the tournament approached him and
pointed to the dark, threatening storm ...Our pastor, an avid golfer, was once taking part in a local tournament. As he was preparing to tee off, the organizer of the tournament approached him and pointed to the dark, threatening storm clouds that were gathering.
"Preacher," the organizer said, "I trust you'll see to it that the weather won't turn bad on us."
Our pastor shook his head. "Sorry," he replied. "I'm sales, not management!" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 29 Octombrie 2008


There is an old story about a mother who walks in on her six-year-old son and finds him sobbing. "What's the matter?" she asks.
"I've just figured out how to tie my shoes."
"Well, honey, that's wonderful." Being a wise mother, she recognizes his victory in the Eriksonian struggle of autonomy versus doubt: "You're growing up, but why are you crying?"
"Because," he says, "now I'll have to do it ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 20 Aprilie 2007


At a U2 concert in Ireland, Bono (the lead singer) asks the audience for some quiet. Then he starts to slowly clap his hands. Holding the audience in total silence, he says into the microphone...
"I want you to think about something. Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."
A voice from the front of the audience yells out...
"Then ****** stop clapping, ya ********!" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 19 Iunie 2007


FEMALE PRAYER
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages me back and begs to do ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 23 August 2005


After buying her kids a pet hamster, after they PROMISED they would take care of it, Mom, as usual, ended up with the responsibility.
One evening, exasperated, she asked them, "How many times do you think that hamster would have died if I hadn't looked after it?"
After a moment, her youngest son replied quizzically, "Once?" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 22 August 2007


Thoughts from USA...

(1) Zero Gravity
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside-down, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300 ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 10 Martie 2006


A father was trying to teach his young son the evils of alcohol.

He put one worm in a glass of water and another worm in a glass of
whiskey. The worm in the water lived, while the one in the whiskey
curled up and died.

"All right, son," asked the father, "what does that show you?"

"Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink alcohol, you will not have
worms." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 August 2008


Sally phoned her husband, Bill, at work for a chat.
"I'm sorry dear," said Bill, "but I'm up to my neck in work today. I don't have time to chat."
Sally replied, "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you, dear."
"OK, darling," said Bill, "but as I've got no time right now, just give me the good news."
"OK," agreed Sally. "Well, the air bag works!" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 7 August 2008