A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed, and left for...

Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

propus de: Dody pe data: 2 Mai 2007

A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed, and left for dead. She described the situation in vivid detail so her students would catch the drama. Then she asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?"

A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd throw up."

Basic philosophy in BIG 4: - Ernst & Young = Dead & Young - PriceWaterhouseCoopers = Prices are everything, no water, no house, cope with us, cause we don’t care!!! - KPMG = Kill [...]
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First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet School were receiving theirfirst anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. [...]
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A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:
- Have you any grounds?
- Yes, an acre and half and ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 16 Ianuarie 2007


Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 31 Martie 2005


Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he would like to eat.
- I would have some ****** French toast, he says.
The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants.
- Well, I guess that leaves more ******* French toast for me, he says.
She is livid, smacks him, and ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Februarie 2006


Two cows are conversing in a field. The first one says to the other, "Have you heard about this 'mad cow disease' that is going around?"
The second cow responds, "Yeah, but I'm not worried about it; I'm an airplane!" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 23 Iulie 2008


What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant.
Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant.
Panic is when both are pregnant. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 1 Martie 2005


A dog looks at its owner and thinks: "You feed me, care for me, and love me...you must be a god!"
A cat looks at its owner and thinks: "You feed me, care for me, and love me...I must be a god!" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 17 August 2005


Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said:
- Where did you get such a great bike?
The second engineer replied:
- Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly:
- Good choice; the ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 31 Martie 2005


You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus:
1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect man (or) woman you have been dreaming about.
Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car. ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 16 Mai 2005


A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he is allowed to say two words every seven years.
After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. "Cold floors," he says. They nod and send him away.
Seven more years pass. They bring him back in and ask for his two words. He clears his throats and says, "Bad food." They nod and send him away.
Seven more years ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Februarie 2006


Recently while going through an airport during one of his many trips, President Bush encountered a man with long hair, wearing a white robe, and sandals, holding a staff.

President Bush went up to the man and said, "Aren't you Moses?" The man never answered but just kept staring straight ahead. Again the President said, "Moses!" in a loud voice. The man just kept staring ahead, never ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 5 Aprilie 2005


Subject: Geography lesson for the Day


THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN

Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.

Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America, well-developed and open to trade, especially for someone with cash.

Between 31 and 35 she is like India, very hot, relaxed and
convinced of her own beauty.

Between ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 10 Noiembrie 2004


Woman's revenge...
- Cash, check or charge? I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
- So, do you always carry your TV remote? I asked.
- No, she replied, but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 7 Mai 2010


A blonde woman goes into a department store and tells the salesman she wants a pair of pink curtains. He assures her they have a good selection of pink curtains. He shows her many kinds and different fabrics of curtains she finally picks out a pink floral pattern.
The salesman asks, "What size do you need?"
She says, "15 inch."
He exclaims, "15 INCHES! What room are they for?"
She says, "It's ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 24 Noiembrie 2005


Thoughts from USA...

(1) Zero Gravity
When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ball-point pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat this problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion developing a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside-down, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to over 300 ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 10 Martie 2006


My girlfriend called me as she was driving to an appointment. She arrived, and I could tell from her voice that she was getting frustrated. Finally she said:
- I know I had my cell phone with me. And
now I can't find it!
I replied:
- Aren't you talking on it!?
There was a solid period of stunned silence as the reality of the situation sank in - followed by:
- You are NOT going to tell ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 1 Februarie 2008