Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook venison steak. But all of Bubba's neighbors were...

Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

propus: 8 Mar 2007

Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook venison steak. But all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic, and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating red meat on Friday.
The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.
The priest came to visit Bubba and suggested that he become a Catholic.
After several classes and much study, Bubba attended Mass.
The priest sprinkled holy water over him and said, "You were born a Baptist and raised as a Baptist, but now you are Catholic."
Bubba's neighbors were greatly relieved, until Friday night arrived and the wonderful aroma of grilled venison filled the neighborhood. The priest was called immediately by the neighbors.
As the priest rushed into Bubba's yard, clutching a rosary and prepared to scold him, he stopped and watched in amazement.
There stood Bubba, clutching a small bottle of holy water, which he carefully sprinkled over the grilling meat while chanting, "You wuz born a deer, you wuz raised a deer, but now you are a catfish."

A pickpocket was appearing in court for a series of petty crimes. Mr. Brewster, the judge said, you are hereby found guilty and fined the sum of $150. After consulting with his client, Mr. [...]
banc precedent
A man visited a psychiatrist to talk about his dreams. Every night, the man said, I dream that these three hideous monsters are sitting on the edge of my bed, ready to attack me. Hmmm, [...]
banc urmator

Some lines:

1. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

2. On the other hand, it's better to have fingers than toes.

3. A day without sunshine is like. .. night!

4. How many of you believe in psycho-kenisis? Raise my hand.

5. Everyone has a photographic memory, but some don't have any film.

6. When everything is coming your way. .. you're in the wrong lane. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 17 August 2006


Have you heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51"?

Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.

The pilot's story was that he took off from Las Vegas, got lost, ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 10 Decembrie 2007


Stephen Spielberg is casting for a new film based around the great composers. Anyway to give the film a twist and some "oomph" he decides to cast the parts to the great action heroes of today. He calls Stallone, Arnie, Bruce Willis and Seagal into his office to hear who they would like to play.
- Well, started Stallone, I've always admired Mozart. I would love to play him.
- Chopin has always ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 23 Noiembrie 2005


A couple is lying in bed. The man says: "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."
The woman says: "I'll miss you." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 9 Iunie 2005


Barbara Walters of 20/20 did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands. She returned to Kabul recently and observed that women still walk behind their husbands, but now seem to walk even further back and are happy with the old custom.
Ms. Walters approached one of ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 Septembrie 2004


Woman = Time * Money <br>Time = Money
<br>Woman = Money * Money <br>Money =
root of all problems <br>Woman =
Problems.Woman = Time * Money
Time = Money
Woman = Money * Money
Money = root of all problems
Woman = Problems. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Sambata, 14 Iulie 2007


People who do lots of work... make lots of mistakes.
People who do less work... make less mistakes.
People who do no work... make no mistakes.
People who make no mistakes... gets promoted.
That's why I spend most of my time sending e-mails & playing games at work... I need a promotion. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 10 Ianuarie 2005


A guy shows up late for work. The boss yells "You should have been here at 8:30!" he replies: "Why? What happened at 8:30?" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Februarie 2006


A few years ago, I decided to visit my brother who was stationed in Germany. I assumed that most Germans would speak English. But I found that many people spoke only their native tongue - including the ticket inspector on the train.
He punched my ticket, then chatted cordially for a bit, making gestures like a windmill. I simply nodded from time to time to show him that I was interested.
When ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 20 Octombrie 2006


A blonde at the grocery store:
- I would like 4 tomatoes, 4 potatoes and 4 onions.
- I can help you with the tomatoes and the potatoes, but not with the onions...
- Ok... than I'll have 2 tomatoes, 2 potatoes and 2 onions.
- I see you don't understand me: I have tomatoes, I have potatoes, but I have no onions.
- I see... then I'll have a tomato, a potato and an onion.
- Ok, let's do this ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Sambata, 14 Iulie 2007


In an airplane the captain tells the passengers:
- This is your captain speaking. We are losing altitude and we do not have enough fuel to reach land. Therefore, we have to let all the baggage leave the airplane.
The airplane gains altitude again. Half an hour later the airplane begins losing altitude again and the captain is on the loudspeakers once more:
- This is your captain speaking. We ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 31 Iulie 2006


- 25th Wedding Anniversary -
At the banquet of Tom and Susan's 25th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration.
- Tell us, Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?
Tom responded:
- Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 21 Iunie 2007


On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student:
- What are your parents' names?
The student replied:
- My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling.
The teacher said:
- Are you kidding?
The student said:
- No, Kidding is my brother. I am Joking. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 19 Martie 2015


Of course you've heard about the Viagra computer virus, it turns your 3 1/2 inch floppy into a hard disk. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004


A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. She told her new husband, "Please be gentle with me, as for me it's the first time."
"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"
"Well, husband #1 was a Sales Representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be."
"Husband #2 was in Software Services; he was never ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 2 August 2006