A new missionary recruit went to Venezuela for the first time. He was struggling with the language and didn't understand a whole...
propus: 21 Feb 2007
A new missionary recruit went to
Venezuela for the first time. He was
struggling with the language and didn't
understand a whole lot of what was going
on. Intending to visit one of the local
churches, he got lost, but he eventually
got back on track and found the place.
Having arrived late, the church was
already packed. The only pew left was
the one on the front row. Well, it appears our African-American friends have found yet something else to be pissed about. A black congresswoman reportedly complained that the names of hurricanes are all Caucasian [...]
not to make a fool of himself, he
decided to pick someone out of the crowd
to imitate. He chose to follow the man
sitting next to him on the front pew. As
they sang, the man clapped his hands, so
the missionary recruit clapped too. When
the man stood up to pray, the missionary
recruit stood up too. When the man sat
down, he sat down.
When the man
held the cup and bread for the Lord's
Supper, he held the cup and bread.
During the preaching, the recruit didn't
understand a thing. He just sat there
and tried to look just like that man in
the front pew. Then he perceived that
the preacher was giving announcements.
People clapped, so he looked to see if
the man was clapping. He was, and so the
recruit clapped too.
preacher said some words that he didn't
understand and he saw the man next to
him stand up. So he stood up too.
Suddenly a hush fell over the entire
congregation. A few people gasped. He
looked around and saw that nobody else
was standing. So he sat down.
the service ended, the preacher stood at
the door shaking the hands of those who
were leaving. When the missionary
recruit stretched out his hand to greet
the preacher, the preacher said, in
English, "I take it you don't speak
The missionary recruit
replied, "No, I don't. It's that
"Well, yes," said the
preacher. "I announced that the Acosta
family had a newborn baby boy, and would
the proud father please stand up."
banc precedent There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky boobs and [...]
Q: Tarzan and the animals went to the
river to take a bath. Tarzan removed his
clothes. All the animals laughed. Tarzan
A: The animals told
him. Your tail is in front". ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 5 Februarie 2007
A lady about eight months pregnant got
on a bus. She noticed the man opposite
her was smiling at her. So she
immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned to a
grin, so she moved again. The man seemed
even more amused. When, on the fourth
move, the man burst out laughing, she
complained to the driver and he had the
The case came up in
court. The judge asked the man ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 2 Iulie 2007
Q: What's the difference between biology
A: When the baby
looks like his dad or mom, then it is
biology. When the baby looks like the
neighbour, then it is sociology. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 5 Februarie 2007
On a sunny morning, William's mother
came into her son's room and said,
"William, it's Sunday. Time to get up!
Time to get up and go to church! Get
From under the covers came
mumbles, "I don't want to go!"
do you mean?" she said. "That's silly!
Now get up and get dressed and go to
"No!" he shot back. "I'll
give you two reasons. I don't like them
and they don't like ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Sambata, 14 Iulie 2007
Each Friday night after work, Bubba
would fire up his outdoor grill and cook
venison steak. But all of Bubba's
neighbors were Catholic, and since it
was Lent, they were forbidden from
eating red meat on Friday.
delicious aroma from the grilled venison
steaks was causing such a problem for
the Catholic faithful that they finally
talked to their priest.
came to visit Bubba and ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 8 Martie 2007
Basic philosophy in BIG 4:
- Ernst &
Young = Dead & Young
PriceWaterhouseCoopers = Prices are
everything, no water, no house, cope
with us, cause we don’t care!!!
KPMG = Kill People More Gently
Deloitte & Touche = Delighted to kill
our employees. Touchė!!! ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 27 Aprilie 2007
The Programmer's drinking song:
99 little bugs in the code,
bugs in the code,
Fix one bug,
compile it again,
101 little bugs
in the code.
101 little bugs in the
101 bugs in the code,
Fix one bug, compile it again,
103 little bugs in the code. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 16 Octombrie 2006
Gravitation is not responsible for
people falling in love.
think of the future. It comes soon
The only thing that
interferes with my learning is my
Education is what remains
after one has forgotten everything he
learned in school.
Two things are
infinite: the universe and human
stupidity; and I'm not sure about
Wire telegraph is a
kind of a very, ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 12 Aprilie 2005
An old mafia Don is dying and he calls
his grandson to the bed.
lissin-a me. I wanna for you to taka my
chrome plated 38 revolver so you will
always remember me.
- But grandpa,
I really don't like guns. Howzabout you
leava me your rolex watch instead?
Shuddup and lissin. Somma day you gonna
runna da business, you gonna have a
beautifulla wife, lotsa money, a biga
home and maybe a ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 17 Octombrie 2005
- 25th Wedding Anniversary -
banquet of Tom and Susan's 25th wedding
anniversary, Tom was asked to give his
friends a brief account of the benefits
of a marriage of such long duration.
- Tell us, Tom, just what is it you
have learned from all those wonderful
years with your wife?
- Well, I've learned that marriage
is the best teacher of all. It teaches
you loyalty, ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 21 Iunie 2007
Five Jews changed the way you see the
- Moses: The Law is
- Jesus: Love is
- Marx: Money is
- Freud: Sex is
- Einstein: Everything
is relative. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 14 Februarie 2005
An eighteen-year-old girl tells her Mom
that she has missed her period for two
months. Very worried, the mother goes to
the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit.
The test result shows that the girl is
Shouting, crying, the
mother says, "Who did this to you? I
want to know!"
The girl picks up the
phone and makes a call. Half an hour
later a Ferrari stops in front of their
house; a mature ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004
The slave driver of the Roman ship
stared down at his slaves and yelled,
"I've got good news and bad news. The
good news is that you'll be getting
double rations tonight."
mumbling of the happy slaves was
interrupted by the bellowing of the
"The bad news is that
the commander's son wants to water ski
tomorrow morning." ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 30 Noiembrie 2006