Lucrare: The Dracula is a person bad. He came from Transilvania. He is a strigoi, because the Dracula was reancarnation in a...

Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

propus: 19 Dec 2006
Lucrare: The Dracula is a person bad. He came from Transilvania. He is a strigoi, because the Dracula was reancarnation in a...

Lucrare: The Dracula is a person bad. He came from Transilvania. He is a strigoi, because the Dracula was reancarnation in a voievod. He came only at night.

I've sure gotten old. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, and new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, and take 40 [...]
banc precedent
One day Jake, a nine-year-old, asked to pack his own lunch for school. His mom agreed. But they couldn't agree on what he should pack, so they both made lists. This was the mom's [...]
banc urmator

At a U2 concert in Ireland, Bono (the lead singer) asks the audience for some quiet. Then he starts to slowly clap his hands. Holding the audience in total silence, he says into the microphone...
"I want you to think about something. Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."
A voice from the front of the audience yells out...
"Then ****** stop clapping, ya ********!" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 19 Iunie 2007


The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?"
The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?"
The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?"
The graduate with an Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 31 Martie 2005


Concerned about fitness in my middle 40s, I enrolled in an aerobics class. To my dismay I walked into a room filled with much younger women and decided to combat my nervousness with humor.
"I'm here to do my postnatal exercises."
The instructor gave me an appraising look. "How old is your baby?"
"Twenty-six," I replied. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 13 Februarie 2008


Stephen Spielberg is casting for a new film based around the great composers. Anyway to give the film a twist and some "oomph" he decides to cast the parts to the great action heroes of today. He calls Stallone, Arnie, Bruce Willis and Seagal into his office to hear who they would like to play.
- Well, started Stallone, I've always admired Mozart. I would love to play him.
- Chopin has always ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 23 Noiembrie 2005


Accidents Happen

A man happens upon a friend and sees that his friend's car is wrecked and covered with leaves, grass, branches, dirt, and blood. He asks his friend, "What happened to your car?"

"Well," the friend responses, "I ran into a lawyer."

"OK," says the man, "that explains the blood... But what about the leaves, the grass, the branches, and the dirt?"

"Well, I had to chase ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 26 Septembrie 2006


A man called 911 and said, "Someone come quick! My wife fell asleep on the couch with her mouth open and a mouse ran down her throat!"

The operator replied, "Calm down, sir. Wave a piece of cheese over her mouth and maybe the mouse will come out. An ambulance is on the way."

When the ambulance arrived, the EMT found the man waving a fish over his wife's mouth.

"What on earth are you ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 13 August 2008


Worst Things To Say On A First Date:
- I used to have a real bad bedwetting problem... but the last couple of weeks I've gotten it under control.
- I know we just met and this might seem a little sudden. .. but could I borrow five hundred dollars?
- Go ahead and Super Size - I found spare change in the sofa today.
- Something tells me that you're very special... but with medication I can ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 14 Februarie 2007


After buying her kids a pet hamster, after they PROMISED they would take care of it, Mom, as usual, ended up with the responsibility.
One evening, exasperated, she asked them, "How many times do you think that hamster would have died if I hadn't looked after it?"
After a moment, her youngest son replied quizzically, "Once?" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 22 August 2007


When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady near a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong.
She said: "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee."
I said: "Well, then why are you crying?"
She said: "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 24 Februarie 2005


- 25th Wedding Anniversary -
At the banquet of Tom and Susan's 25th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration.
- Tell us, Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife?
Tom responded:
- Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 21 Iunie 2007


Woman = Time * Money <br>Time = Money
<br>Woman = Money * Money <br>Money =
root of all problems <br>Woman =
Problems.Woman = Time * Money
Time = Money
Woman = Money * Money
Money = root of all problems
Woman = Problems. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Sambata, 14 Iulie 2007


Robert went to his lawyer and said:
- I would like to make a will, but I don't know exactly how to go about it.
The lawyer smiled at Robert and replied:
- Not a problem, leave it all to me.
Robert looked somewhat upset and said:
- Well, I knew you were going to take a big portion, but I would like to leave a little to my family too! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 Iunie 2011


Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he would like to eat.
- I would have some ****** French toast, he says.
The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants.
- Well, I guess that leaves more ******* French toast for me, he says.
She is livid, smacks him, and ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Februarie 2006


I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me and we all could use more calm in our lives. By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil show, I have finally found inner peace. Dr. Phil proclaimed, "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've started." So I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished, and before ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 30 Mai 2005


A young lady visited the government matchmaker for marriage and requested: "I'm looking for a spouse. Can you please help me to find a suitable one?"
The marriage officer said: "Your requirements please."
"Well, let me see. Needs to be good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good at singing and dancing.
Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour, if I ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 27 August 2007