In an airplane the captain tells the passengers: - This is your captain speaking. We are losing altitude and we do not have...
propus: 31 Iul 2006
In an airplane the captain tells the
passengers: The Pope is visiting Washington, D.C., and President Bush takes him out for an afternoon on the Potomac, cruising on the Presidential yacht, the Sequoia. They're admiring the sights when, all of a [...]
- This is your captain
speaking. We are losing altitude and we
do not have enough fuel to reach land.
Therefore, we have to let all the
baggage leave the airplane.
airplane gains altitude again. Half an
hour later the airplane begins losing
altitude again and the captain is on the
loudspeakers once more:
- This is
your captain speaking. We are still
losing altitude and we cannot reach land
without having some passengers leave the
is a bad situation, but
we will do this in a honest and
democratic way - we will use the
alphabet, starting with A. Are there any
No one answers.
- Are there any Black passengers?
- Are there any
In the back of the plane, a little
boy asks his father:
- Dad, you've
always told me to be honest. We are both
from Africa and have black coloured
- Yes, my son, it is true. But
stricly speaking, we're Zulus.
banc precedent A young man married a beautiful woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. She told her new husband, Please be gentle with me, as for me it's the first time. What? said the puzzled [...]
A woman in our diet club was lamenting
that she had gained weight. She'd made
her family's favorite cake over the
weekend, she reported, and they'd eaten
half of it at dinner.
day, she said, she kept staring at the
other half, until finally she cut a thin
slice for herself. One slice led to
another, and soon the whole cake was
The woman went on to tell
us how upset she was ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 2 Octombrie 2006
01. While working with Mr. Ionescu, I
have always found him
studiously and sincerely at his table
03. gossiping with
colleagues in the office. He seldom
04. wastes his time on useless
things. Given a job, he always
finishes the given assignment in time.
He is always
06. deeply engrossed in
his official work, and can never be
07. found chitchatting in the
canteen. He ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Iunie 2011
Two mothers are having a conversation
about their children one day.
do you get your Marvin up so early on
school mornings? asks Joan.
that's easy, replies Marianne. I just
throw the cat on his bed.
- Why does
that wake him up?
- He sleeps with
the dog! ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 13 Martie 2008
On a sunny morning, William's mother
came into her son's room and said,
"William, it's Sunday. Time to get up!
Time to get up and go to church! Get
From under the covers came
mumbles, "I don't want to go!"
do you mean?" she said. "That's silly!
Now get up and get dressed and go to
"No!" he shot back. "I'll
give you two reasons. I don't like them
and they don't like ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Sambata, 14 Iulie 2007
HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE
Put about 100 bricks in
some particular order in a closed room
with an open window. Then send 2 or 3
candidates in the room and close the
door. Leave them alone and come back
after 6 hours and then analyses the
If they are counting
the bricks. Put them in the accounts
If they are
recounting them. Put them in ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 10 Martie 2006
Q: What's the difference between biology
A: When the baby
looks like his dad or mom, then it is
biology. When the baby looks like the
neighbour, then it is sociology. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 5 Februarie 2007
A Spanish teacher was explaining to her
class that in Spanish, unlike English,
nouns are designated as either masculine
"House" for instance,
is feminine: "la casa."
however, is masculine: "el lapiz."
student asked, "What gender is
Instead of giving the
answer, the teacher split the class into
two groups, male and female, and asked
them to decide for ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 5 Iunie 2007
A cat died and went to Heaven. God met
her at the gates and said:
have been a good cat all these years.
Anything you want is yours for the
The cat thought for a minute
and then said:
- All my life I lived
on a farm and slept on hard wooden
floors. I would like a real fluffy
pillow to sleep on.
Say no more.
Instantly the cat had a
huge fluffy pillow.
A few days ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 30 Martie 2005
Explicatii de dat atunci cand nu va merg
aplicatiile si programele.
19. "It's never
done that before."
18. "It worked
17. "How is that
16. "It must be a
15. "What did you
type in wrong to get it to crash?"
14. "There is something funky in
13. "I haven't touched
that module in weeks!"
12. ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 28 Noiembrie 2006
A man follows a woman out of a movie
theatre. She has a dog on a leash. He
stops her and says, "I'm sorry to
bother you, but I couldn't help but
notice that your dog was really into the
movie. He cried at the right spots, he
moved nervously in his seat at the
boring parts, but most of all, he
laughed like crazy at the funny parts.
Did you find that unusual?"
she replied, "I found ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004
My grandmother is a computer geek. She
also has trouble remembering quickly
sometimes. One day she couldn't think of
what she wanted to tell us.
explained, "Your grandma is trying to
retrieve the information, but it is
taking awhile. Evidently she hasn't
defragmented her hard drive lately." ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 8 Octombrie 2007