Once upon a time there were two brothers. One brother was very mischievous, always getting into trouble. The other brother,...

Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

propus de: Asignix pe data: 6 Apr 2006

Once upon a time there were two brothers.

One brother was very mischievous, always getting into trouble.

The other brother, however, was very good. He was always kind to animals, helped elderly neighbors, and led an exemplary life.

As time went on, the brothers stayed in touch but were never close.

The evil brother became a heavy drinker and a womanizer.

The other brother was a devoted husband and father and supported many charities.

One day the evil brother died. Then, after a few years, the good brother passed away. He went to heaven and was rewarded with a happy afterlife.

One day he went to God and asked, "Where is my brother?
He died before me, but I have not seen him here in heaven."

God replied, "As you know, your brother led an evil life, so he is not spending eternity here in heaven. He has been sent elsewhere."

"I'm sorry to hear that", the good brother replied. "But I do miss him and wish I could see him again."

"You can see him if you wish", God said. "I will give you the
power to gaze into Hell." So the power was granted and the good brother gazed into Hell.

Before long he saw his brother sitting on a bench. In one arm he held a keg of beer, and in the other he cradled a gorgeous young blonde.

The good brother turned to God and said, "I can't believe what I'm seeing. I have found my brother, and he has a keg of beer in one arm and a beautiful woman in the other. Hell is not as bad as I thought."

God explained. "Things are not always as they seem. The keg has a hole in it. The blonde doesn't."

European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of [...]
banc precedent
Drug-dealers vs software developers. Drug dealers - Refer to their clients as users. Software developers - Refer to their clients as users. Drug dealers - The first one's [...]
banc urmator

A hamster and a rat were sitting on the side of a swimming pool. They were enjoying the sun. Suddenly the rat turned to the hamster and asked him:
Dude,

How come people consider me a noisance, and you a pet?
How come people pay money to have you, while they are trying to kill me?
How come you are considered a cute little animal, while I am considered creepy and disgusting?
How come you ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 Septembrie 2004


The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items.

I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, his bony arm across the back of my seat. I hadn't considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and explained, "I'm delivering him to my ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 31 Octombrie 2006


Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes....... ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004


A man walks into a bar and he's really pissed. The bartender gives him a drink and asks what the problem is. All he says is:
- All lawyers are assholes.
A man sitting in the corner shouts:
- I take offense to that!
The pissed off guy asks him:
- Why? Are you a lawyer?
The other replies:
- No, I'm an asshole. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 30 Iunie 2006


The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said:
- Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me.
- Well, in plain English, the doctor replied, you're just lazy.
- Okay, said the man. Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Iunie 2011


In an airplane the captain tells the passengers:
- This is your captain speaking. We are losing altitude and we do not have enough fuel to reach land. Therefore, we have to let all the baggage leave the airplane.
The airplane gains altitude again. Half an hour later the airplane begins losing altitude again and the captain is on the loudspeakers once more:
- This is your captain speaking. We ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 31 Iulie 2006


UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 13 Mai 2010


A Chinese couple got married. When a baby girl was born, her eyes were big and blue, hair was curly and blonde, skin was brown. Finally, the father named the baby SUM TING RONG." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 11 Septembrie 2006


HOW TO RECRUIT THE RIGHT PERSON FOR THE JOB?

Put about 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window. Then send 2 or 3 candidates in the room and close the door. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours and then analyses the situation.

If they are counting the bricks. Put them in the accounts department.

If they are recounting them. Put them in ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 10 Martie 2006


Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. Instead, they just take the rotten apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy....... The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 5 Mai 2005


Two guys walk into a bar, separately, and have a seat at the bar.

One guy notices the other has a black eye, just like him.

“Hey buddy, how’d you get your shiner?”

“Well, I was at the train station, and the ticket girl was veeery hot. And instead of two tickets to Pittsburg, I slipped and said ‘two PICKets to TITTsburg’ and she hit me square in the ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminica, 24 August 2008


Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said:
- Where did you get such a great bike?
The second engineer replied:
- Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly:
- Good choice; the ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 31 Martie 2005


All the scientists die and go to heaven. They decide to play hide-n-seek. Unfortunately Einstein is the one who has the den. He is supposed to count up to 100 and then start searching. Everyone starts hiding except Newton. Newton just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it right in front of Einstein. Einstein's counting: 1,2,3..97,98,99,100.
He opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 5 Septembrie 2005


A lady about eight months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. So she immediately moved to another seat.
This time the smile turned to a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed even more amused. When, on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.
The case came up in court. The judge asked the man ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 2 Iulie 2007


In an attempt to stop the spread of bird flu, President George W. Bush has just bombed the Canary Islands."
Turkey is next... ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 2 Iunie 2006