Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he would like to...

Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

propus de: Olly pe data: 2 Feb 2006

Three kids come down to the kitchen and sit around the breakfast table. The mother asks the oldest boy what he would like to eat.
- I would have some ****** French toast, he says.
The mother is outraged at his language, hits him, and sends him upstairs. She asks the middle child what he wants.
- Well, I guess that leaves more ******* French toast for me, he says.
She is livid, smacks him, and sends him away. Finally she asks the youngest son what he wants for breakfast.
- I do not know, he says meekly, but I definitely do not want the ******** French toast.

A guy joins a monastery and takes a vow of silence: he is allowed to say two words every seven years. After the first seven years, the elders bring him in and ask for his two words. [...]
banc precedent
Last night I went to a 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours. He goes: Not in a row!
banc urmator

A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees the little girl being attacked by a pitbull. He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeds in killing the dog and saving the girls live.
A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says:
- You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves a little girl's life"
- But ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 3 Mai 2006


Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible designers of the human body.
One said, "It was a mechanical engineer." Just look at all the joints."
Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections."
The last one said, "Actually it must have been a civil engineer. Who else would run a toxic waste ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 31 Martie 2005


Statement: Senior Citizens Are Valuable!
We are more valuable than any of the younger generations:
- We have silver in our hair.
- We have gold in our teeth.
- We have stones in our kidneys.
- We have lead in our feet and.
- We are loaded with natural gas ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 26 Februarie 2008


A Spanish teacher was explaining to her class that in Spanish, unlike English, nouns are designated as either masculine or feminine.
"House" for instance, is feminine: "la casa."
"Pencil," however, is masculine: "el lapiz."
A student asked, "What gender is 'computer'?"
Instead of giving the answer, the teacher split the class into two groups, male and female, and asked them to decide for ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 5 Iunie 2007


A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed:
- What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!
The doctor chimed in:
- I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!
The pastor said:
- Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him.... Hi George! Say, what's ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 31 Martie 2005


- Are you sure this is british beef?
- Of horse it is! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 18 Aprilie 2013


Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook venison steak. But all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic, and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating red meat on Friday.
The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.
The priest came to visit Bubba and ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 8 Martie 2007


WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day: 30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men...
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, 'What?' ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminica, 30 Mai 2010


1. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt.

2. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.

3. You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing.

4. A penny saved is a government ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 30 Mai 2005


A simple friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A real friend opens your refrigerator and helps himself.

A simple friend has never seen you cry.
A real friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.

A simple friend doesn't know your parents'
first names.
A real friend has their phone numbers in his address book.

A simple friend brings a bottle of wine to your party.
A real ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 5 Mai 2005


Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their 9 children. A blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the 9 kids are able to fit onto the bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the sidewalk, and says ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 5 Octombrie 2006


Hearing so many people speaking about his intelligence level, George "double you" Bush decided to get his brain checked.
The physician diagnosis was as follows:
- Mr. President, you have two brains, the left and the right, like all normal people. But the problem is that in your left brain there is nothing right and in your right brain there is nothing left. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 10 Mai 2005


Manning the computer help desk for the local school district was my first job. And though I was just an intern, I took the job very seriously. But not every caller took me seriously.
- Can I talk to a real person? a caller asked.
- I am real, I said.
- Oh, I'm sorry, the caller said. That was rude of me. What I meant to say was, could I talk to someone who actually knows something? ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 14 Martie 2008


The phone rang. It was a salesman from a mortgage refinance company. "Do you have a second mortgage on your home?"
"No," I replied.
"Would you like to consolidate all your debts?"
"I really don't have any," I said.
"How about freeing up cash for home improvements?" he tried.
"I don't need any. I just recently had some done and paid cash," I parried.
There was a brief silence, and then he ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 2 Februarie 2007


These individual quotes were reportedly taken from actual employee performance evaluations throughout the U.S. Hopefully, none of us will be seeing similar ones on ours.
- Since my last report, this employee has reached rock bottom and has started to dig.
- His men would follow him anywhere, but only out of curiosity.
- I would not allow this employee to breed.
- This employee is really not ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 22 Septembrie 2006