Man: God? God: Yes!? Man: Can I ask you something? God: Yes. Man: What is for you a million of years? God: A second. Man:...
propus: 27 Oct 2005
Man: God?
God: Yes!?
Man: Can I
ask you something?
God: Yes.
Man: What is for you a million of
years?
God: A second.
Man: And
a million of dollars?
God: A penny.
Man: God, Can you give me a penny?
God: Wait a second!
This is an actual job application that a
75 year old senior citizen submitted to
Walmart in Arkansas. They hired him
because he was so funny.
- - - - - -
- - - - -
NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy
Bastard)
SEX: Not lately, but I am
looking for the right woman (or at least
one who will cooperate)
DESIRED
POSITION: Company's President or Vice
President. But seriously, whatever's
available. If I was in
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 21 Noiembrie 2006
Gravitation is not responsible for
people falling in love.
I never
think of the future. It comes soon
enough.
The only thing that
interferes with my learning is my
education.
Education is what remains
after one has forgotten everything he
learned in school.
Two things are
infinite: the universe and human
stupidity; and I'm not sure about
the universe.
Wire telegraph is a
kind of a very,
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 12 Aprilie 2005
Q: Tarzan and the animals went to the
river to take a bath. Tarzan removed his
clothes. All the animals laughed. Tarzan
asked "Why"?
A: The animals told
him. Your tail is in front".
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 5 Februarie 2007
A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets
pulled over by a Cop. He thinks he is
smarter than the Cop so he decides to
have some fun at the Cop's expense.
Cop says:
- License and
registration, please.
Lawyer says:
- What for?
Cop says:
- You
didn't come to a complete stop at the
stop sign.
Lawyer says:
- I
slowed down, and no one was coming.
Cop says:
- Exactly! License and
registration,
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 22 Noiembrie 2005
Three kids come down to the kitchen and
sit around the breakfast table. The
mother asks the oldest boy what he would
like to eat.
- I would have some
****** French toast, he says.
The
mother is outraged at his language and
sends him upstairs.
She asks the
middle child what he wants.
- Well,
I guess that leaves more ******* French
toast for me, he says.
She is livid
and sends him away.
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Februarie 2006
Friends of women:
A wife was
not at home for a whole night. So she
tells her husband, the very next
morning, that she stayed at her
girlfriend's apartment over night.
So the husband calls 10 of her best
girlfriends and none of them confirm
that.
Friends of men:
A husband was not at home for a
whole night. So he tells his wife the
very next morning, that he stayed at his
friend's
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 28 Septembrie 2004
A Chinese couple got married. When a
baby girl was born, her eyes were big
and blue, hair was curly and blonde,
skin was brown. Finally, the father
named the baby SUM TING RONG."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 11 Septembrie 2006
I was out walking with my 4 year old
daughter. She picked up something off
the ground and started to put it in her
mouth. I took the item away from her and
I asked her not to do that. "Why?" my
daughter asked. "Because it's been on
the ground, you don't know where it's
been, it'sdirty and probably has germs"
I replied. At this point, my daughter
looked at me with total admiration and
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 22 Martie 2007
On a sunny morning, William's mother
came into her son's room and said,
"William, it's Sunday. Time to get up!
Time to get up and go to church! Get
up!"
From under the covers came
mumbles, "I don't want to go!"
"What
do you mean?" she said. "That's silly!
Now get up and get dressed and go to
church!"
"No!" he shot back. "I'll
give you two reasons. I don't like them
and they don't like
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Sâmbătă, 14 Iulie 2007
An engineer was crossing a road one-day
when a frog called out to him and said:
- If you kiss me, I'll turn into
a beautiful princess.
He bent over,
picked up the frog and put it in his
pocket.
The frog spoke up again and
said:
- If you kiss me and turn me
back into a beautiful princess, I will
stay with you for one week.
The
engineer took the frog out of his
pocket, smiled at it and
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 31 Martie 2005
I've sure gotten old. I've had two
bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, and
new knees. Fought prostate cancer and
diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear
anything quieter than a jet engine, and
take 40 different medications that make
me dizzy, winded, and subject to
blackouts. Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation; hardly feel my
hands and feet anymore. Can't remember
if I'm 85 or 92. Have
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 11 Decembrie 2006
A ragged individual stranded for several
months on a small desert island in the
middle of the Pacific Ocean noticed a
bottle lying in the sand with a piece of
paper in it. Rushing to the bottle, he
pulled out the cork and with shaking
hands withdrew the message.
"Due to
lack of maintenance," he read, "we
regretfully have found it necessary to
cancel your e-mail account."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 23 Mai 2007