Fifteen days ago, I read that smoking can kill you. The next day I stopped smoking. Twelve days ago, I read that too much red...
propus: 25 Apr 2005
Fifteen days ago, I read that smoking
can kill you.
The next day I stopped
smoking.
Twelve days ago, I
read that too much red meat can kill
you.
The next day I stopped eating
red meat.
Eight days ago, I
read that drinking can kill you. The
next day I stopped drinking.
Yesterday, I read that even the air
can kill you.
This morning I stopped
reading.
Have you heard of the Air Force's
ultra-high-security, super-secret base
in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51"?
Well, late one afternoon, the
Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very
surprised to see a Cessna landing at
their "secret" base. They immediately
impounded the aircraft and hauled the
pilot into an interrogation room.
The pilot's story was that he took
off from Las Vegas, got lost,
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 10 Decembrie 2007
Three kids come down to the kitchen and
sit around the breakfast table. The
mother asks the oldest boy what he would
like to eat.
- I would have some
****** French toast, he says.
The
mother is outraged at his language and
sends him upstairs.
She asks the
middle child what he wants.
- Well,
I guess that leaves more ******* French
toast for me, he says.
She is livid
and sends him away.
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 2 Februarie 2006
Once upon a time there were two
brothers.
One brother was very
mischievous, always getting into
trouble.
The other brother,
however, was very good. He was always
kind to animals, helped elderly
neighbors, and led an exemplary life.
As time went on, the brothers
stayed in touch but were never close.
The evil brother became a heavy
drinker and a womanizer.
The
other brother was a
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 6 Aprilie 2006
Stephen Spielberg is casting for a new
film based around the great composers.
Anyway to give the film a twist and some
"oomph" he decides to cast the parts to
the great action heroes of today. He
calls Stallone, Arnie, Bruce Willis and
Seagal into his office to hear who they
would like to play.
- Well, started
Stallone, I've always admired Mozart. I
would love to play him.
- Chopin has
always
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 23 Noiembrie 2005
Positive Thinking Poem...
Little birdy in the sky,
You
look up and it shits in your eye
You don't mind and you don't cry,
You just thank God that cows don't
fly...
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 10 Martie 2006
A couple had only been married for two
weeks and the husband, although very
much in love, couldn't wait to go out on
the town and party with his old buddies.
So, he said to his new wife,
"Honey, I'll be right back."
"Where
are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the
wife.
"I'm going to the bar, Pretty
Face," he answered. I'm going to have a
beer."
The wife said, "You want a
beer, my love?" She
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 August 2007
A simple friend, when visiting, acts
like a guest.
A real friend opens
your refrigerator and helps himself.
A simple friend has never seen
you cry.
A real friend has shoulders
soggy from your tears.
A simple
friend doesn't know your
parents'
first names.
A real
friend has their phone numbers in his
address book.
A simple friend
brings a bottle of wine to your party.
A real
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 5 Mai 2005
I am rejecting your rejection
Dear Sir / Madam
Thank you for
your letter of 4 September 2003. After
careful consideration I regret to inform
you that I am unable to accept your
refusal to offer me employment with your
company. This year I have been
particularly fortunate in receiving an
unusually large number of rejection
letters. With such a varied and
promising field of candidates it is
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 8 Martie 2005
I've sure gotten old. I've had two
bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, and
new knees. Fought prostate cancer and
diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear
anything quieter than a jet engine, and
take 40 different medications that make
me dizzy, winded, and subject to
blackouts. Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation; hardly feel my
hands and feet anymore. Can't remember
if I'm 85 or 92. Have
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 11 Decembrie 2006
A young lady visited the government
matchmaker for marriage and requested:
"I'm looking for a spouse. Can you
please help me to find a suitable one?"
The marriage officer said: "Your
requirements please."
"Well, let me
see. Needs to be good looking, polite,
humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good at
singing and dancing.
Willing to
accompany me the whole day at home
during my leisure hour, if I
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 27 August 2007
Q: Tarzan and the animals went to the
river to take a bath. Tarzan removed his
clothes. All the animals laughed. Tarzan
asked "Why"?
A: The animals told
him. Your tail is in front".
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 5 Februarie 2007
A Czech goes to the optician who shows
him a card with the letters 'C Z W X
N Q S T A C Z'.
"Can you read
this?" the optician asks.
"Read
it?" the Czech replies, "I even know the
guy."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 31 August 2004
3 Little Pigs - The Untold Story
This is classic - a true story,
proving how fascinating is the mind of a
six year old. They think so logically.
A teacher was reading the story
of the Three Little Pigs to her class.
She came to the part of the story where
the first pig was trying to gather the
building materials for his home. She
read, "...and so the pig went up to the
man with the
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marți, 31 August 2004
A man visited a psychiatrist to talk
about his dreams.
"Every night," the
man said, "I dream that these three
hideous monsters are sitting on the edge
of my bed, ready to attack me."
"Hmmm," said the doctor. "I feel
sure I can cure you of this problem. But
the treatment will cost you somewhere
between twenty-five and thirty thousand
dollars."
"Thirty thousand dollars!"
the man gasped. "Never
... citește tot Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 9 Martie 2007