Q: What do you do with 365 used condoms? A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

propus: 8 Mar 2005

Q: What do you do with 365 used condoms?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.

I am rejecting your rejection Dear Sir / Madam Thank you for your letter of 4 September 2003. After careful consideration I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal [...]
banc precedent
Tom Thumb, Sleeping Beauty, and Quasimodo were all talking one day. Sleeping Beauty said: - I believe myself to be the most beautiful girl in the world. Tom Thumb said: - I must be [...]
banc urmator

Ce ar putea intelege cineva care nu stie engleza atunci cand te aude spunand: "I can't believe you."
Raspuns: "Ai Kent, ba Liviu?" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 11 Noiembrie 2014


An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because the passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said: "I like both. If you have a wife and a mistress, ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 31 Martie 2005


The truth about working in the IT industry:

1. We work weird (night) shifts...
2. They pay you to make the client happy...
3. The client pays a lot of money, but your employer keeps almost every penny...
4. You are rewarded for fulfilling the client's dreams...
5. Your friends fall apart and you end up hanging out with people in the same profession as you...
6. When you have to meet the ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 27 Noiembrie 2006


Concerned about fitness in my middle 40s, I enrolled in an aerobics class. To my dismay I walked into a room filled with much younger women and decided to combat my nervousness with humor.
"I'm here to do my postnatal exercises."
The instructor gave me an appraising look. "How old is your baby?"
"Twenty-six," I replied. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 13 Februarie 2008


Of course you've heard about the Viagra computer virus, it turns your 3 1/2 inch floppy into a hard disk. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004


Explicatii de dat atunci cand nu va merg aplicatiile si programele.

COUNT DOWN......

20. "That's weird..."
19. "It's never done that before."
18. "It worked yesterday."
17. "How is that possible?"
16. "It must be a hardware problem."
15. "What did you type in wrong to get it to crash?"
14. "There is something funky in your data."
13. "I haven't touched that module in weeks!"
12. ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 28 Noiembrie 2006


TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 1 Mai 2009


Two lawyers arrive at the pub and ordered a couple of drinks. They then take sandwiches from their briefcases and began to eat.
Seeing this, the angry publican approaches them and says, 'Excuse me, but you cannot eat your own sandwiches in here!'
The two look at each other, shrug and exchange sandwiches. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 Iunie 2011


This year, taxpayers will receive an
Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a
very exciting new program that I will
explain using the Q and A <br>format:
<br> <br>'Q. What is an Economic
Stimulus Payment? <br>'A. It ...This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A
format:

"Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
"A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

"Q. Where will the government get this money?
"A. From taxpayers.

"Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
"A. No, ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 28 Ianuarie 2009


Answering Machine at the Mental Hospital:

Hello, and welcome to the mental health hospital.

-If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.

-If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

-If you have multiple personalities, press 3,4,5 and 6.

-If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

-If you ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004


Two mothers are having a conversation about their children one day.
- How do you get your Marvin up so early on school mornings? asks Joan.
- Oh, that's easy, replies Marianne. I just throw the cat on his bed.
- Why does that wake him up?
- He sleeps with the dog! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 13 Martie 2008


Students at a school were asked to write about the harmful effects of oil on fish.
One 11-year-old wrote, "When my mom opened a tin of sardines last night, it was full of oil and all the sardines were dead." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 4 Mai 2007


When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the psychiatrist began his therapy session.
"I'm not aware of your problem," the doctor said. "So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning."
"Of course," replied the patient. "In the beginning, I created the heavens and the earth..." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 19 Iulie 2007


A clergyman, walking down a country lane, saw a young farmer struggling to load hay back onto a cart after it had fallen off.
- You look tired, my son, said the cleric. Why don't you rest a moment, and I'll give you a hand.
- No thanks, said the young man. My father wouldn't approve.
- Don't be silly, the minister said. Everyone is entitled to a break. Come and have a drink of water.
Again ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 3 Mai 2007


Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook venison steak. But all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic, and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating red meat on Friday.
The delicious aroma from the grilled venison steaks was causing such a problem for the Catholic faithful that they finally talked to their priest.
The priest came to visit Bubba and ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 8 Martie 2007