WIFE VS. HUSBAND A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word. An earlier discussion had led to an...
proposed: 30 May 2010
WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down
a country road for several miles, not
saying a word.
An earlier discussion
had led to an argument and neither of
them wanted to concede their position..
As they passed a barnyard of mules,
goats, and pigs, the husband asked
sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'
'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'
CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles.. The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box [...]
previous joke WORDS A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day: 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, 'The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything [...]
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Once upon a time there were two
brothers.
One brother was very mischievous, always
getting into trouble.
The other brother, however, was very
good. He was always kind to animals,
helped elderly neighbors, and led an
exemplary life.
As time went on, the brothers stayed in
touch but were never close.
The evil brother became a heavy drinker
and a womanizer.
The other brother was a devoted
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 6 April 2006
If you love something, set it free. If
it comes back, itwill always be yours.
If it doesn't come back, it was never
yours to begin with. But, if it just
sits in your living room, messes up your
stuff, eats your food, uses your
telephone, takes your money, and doesn't
appear to realize that you had set it
free... You either married it or gave
birth to it
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 9 August 2007
After school one day, a young
first-grade boy was sitting at the
kitchen table, eating his afternoon
snack, when he blurted out, "Mom, the
teacher was asking me today if I have
any brothers or sisters who will be
coming to school."
The boy's mother replied, "That's nice
of her to take such an interest, dear.
What did she say when you told her you
are an only child?"
She just said, "Thank
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 10 March 2008
A man called 911 and said, "Someone come
quick! My wife fell asleep on the couch
with her mouth open and a mouse ran down
her throat!"
The operator replied, "Calm down, sir.
Wave a piece of cheese over her mouth
and maybe the mouse will come out. An
ambulance is on the way."
When the ambulance arrived, the EMT
found the man waving a fish over his
wife's mouth.
"What on earth are you doing?"
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 13 August 2008
After buying her kids a pet hamster,
after they PROMISED they would take care
of it, Mom, as usual, ended up with the
responsibility.
One evening, exasperated, she asked
them, "How many times do you think that
hamster would have died if I hadn't
looked after it?"
After a moment, her youngest son replied
quizzically, "Once?"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 22 August 2007
A cowboy went to an insurance agency to
buy a policy. The agent asked, "Have you
ever had an accident?"
"Nope," replied the cowboy. "Last
summer, a bronc kicked in two of my
ribs, and a couple of years ago, a
rattlesnake bit me on the ankle."
"Wouldn't you call those accidents?"
quizzed the puzzled agent.
"Naw," the cowboy replied. "They did it
on purpose!"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 15 November 2006
Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your
emergency?
Caller: I heard what sounded like
gunshots coming from the brown house on
the corner.
Dispatcher: Do you have an address?
Caller: No, I have on a blouse and
slacks, why?
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 12 April 2007
Stephen Spielberg is casting for a new
film based around the great composers.
Anyway to give the film a twist and some
"oomph" he decides to cast the parts to
the great action heroes of today. He
calls Stallone, Arnie, Bruce Willis and
Seagal into his office to hear who they
would like to play.
- Well, started Stallone, I've always
admired Mozart. I would love to play
him.
- Chopin has always
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 23 November 2005
I was out walking with my 4 year old
daughter. She picked up something off
the ground and started to put it in her
mouth. I took the item away from her and
I asked her not to do that. "Why?" my
daughter asked. "Because it's been on
the ground, you don't know where it's
been, it'sdirty and probably has germs"
I replied. At this point, my daughter
looked at me with total admiration and
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 22 March 2007
Three kids come down to the kitchen and
sit around the breakfast table. The
mother asks the oldest boy what he would
like to eat.
- I would have some ****** French toast,
he says.
The mother is outraged at his language
and sends him upstairs.
She asks the middle child what he wants.
- Well, I guess that leaves more *******
French toast for me, he says.
She is livid and sends him away. Finally
she
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 2 February 2006
An English professor wrote the words :
"A woman without her man is nothing"
on the chalkboard and asked his students
to punctuate it correctly.
All of the males in the class wrote:
"A woman, without her man, is nothing."
All the females in the class wrote:
"A woman: without her, man is nothing."
Punctuation is powerful
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 31 August 2004
At a U2 concert in Ireland, Bono (the
lead singer) asks the audience for some
quiet. Then he starts to slowly clap his
hands. Holding the audience in total
silence, he says into the microphone...
"I want you to think about something.
Every time I clap my hands, a child in
Africa dies."
A voice from the front of the audience
yells out...
"Then ****** stop clapping, ya
********!"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 19 June 2007
Five Jews changed the way you see the
world...
- Moses: The Law is everything.
- Jesus: Love is everything.
- Marx: Money is everything.
- Freud: Sex is everything.
- Einstein: Everything is relative.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 14 February 2005