This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the...

Joke from category: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

proposed by: Sorin on date: 28 Jan 2009
This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the...

This year, taxpayers will receive an Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a very exciting new program that I will explain using the Q and A
format:

"Q. What is an Economic Stimulus Payment?
"A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.

"Q. Where will the government get this money?
"A. From taxpayers.

"Q. So the government is giving me back my own money?
"A. No, they are borrowing it from China. Your children are expected to repay the Chinese.

"Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
"A. The plan is that you will use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set, thus stimulating the economy.

"Q. But isn't that stimulating the economy of China?
"A. Shut up."

An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas. Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. Walking proudly, [...]
previous joke When Charles de Gaulle decided to retire from public life, the British ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his honor. At the dinner table, the Ambassador’s wife was talking [...]
next joke

You Know You Have a Bad Computer When... 10. The lower corner of screen has the words "Etch A Sketch" on it. 9. When you insert a disk, it spits out a pack of cigarettes. 8. You have to pedal it. 7. The manual contains one sentence: "Good luck!" 6. The only chip inside came from a bag of Doritos. 5. When you turn it on, the dogs in the neighborhood start howling. 4. You catch a virus from it. 3. ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 20 August 2007


Mr. Gable had a leak in the roof over his dining room, so he called a repairman to take a look at it. "When did you first notice the leak?" the repairman inquired. Mr. Gable scowled. "Last night, when it took me two hours to finish my soup!" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 12 October 2006


FEMALE PRAYER Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong One who loves to listen long, One who thinks before he speaks, One who'll call, not wait for weeks. I pray he's gainfully employed, When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed. Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages me back and begs to do more. Oh! Send me ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 23 August 2005


There are 2 people always next to you: The Manager, smiling pleasantly to hide evil intentions! The Team Leader, busy figuring out what work to dump on you next... And, there's YOU, who struggles ...There are 2 people always next to you: The Manager, smiling pleasantly to hide evil intentions! The Team Leader, busy figuring out what work to dump on you next... And, there's YOU, who struggles with it all! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Sunday, 22 June 2008


A young husband comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: "Darling, I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody." The next day, a guy from the electric company rings the door-bell, because the young couple hasn't paid their last bill: ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 31 August 2004


One day Jake, a nine-year-old, asked to pack his own lunch for school. His mom agreed. But they couldn't agree on what he should pack, so they both made lists. This was the mom's list: One sandwich One apple Pretzels A carton of milk This was Jake's list: Candy Candy Candy Jake agreed to compromise. Sure enough, the next morning, Jake was ready for school and he packed his lunch. His mom came ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 12 January 2007


When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady near a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said: "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee." I said: "Well, then why are you crying?" She said: "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 24 February 2005


In a class on abnormal psychology, the instructor was about to introduce the subject of manic depression. The instructor asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth, screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?" A young man in the rear raised his hand and suggested earnestly, "A basketball coach?" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 4 December 2006


Students at a school were asked to write about the harmful effects of oil on fish. One 11-year-old wrote, "When my mom opened a tin of sardines last night, it was full of oil and all the sardines were dead." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 4 May 2007


A truck driver had to deliver five hundred penguins to the state zoo. As he was driving his truck through the desert, the truck broke down. After waiting by the side of the road for about three hours, he waved another truck down and offered the driver $500 to take the penguins to the state zoo for him. The next day, the first truck driver arrived in town and saw the second truck driver crossing ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 3 December 2007


1. Project Manager is a person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in one month. 2. Developer is a person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a baby. 3. Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks a single woman can deliver nine babies in one month. 4. Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby. 5. Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 11 April 2005


My girlfriend called me as she was driving to an appointment. She arrived, and I could tell from her voice that she was getting frustrated. Finally she said: - I know I had my cell phone with me. And now I can't find it! I replied: - Aren't you talking on it!? There was a solid period of stunned silence as the reality of the situation sank in - followed by: - You are NOT going to tell anybody ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 1 February 2008


Unexpected cold snaps had destroyed the buds on my father's young peach tree for two years in a row. This spring, Dad was ready. He replanted the sapling in a large box, mounted it on wheels, and put the tree in the garage whenever the temperature dropped. One warm April day, Dad was wheeling the tree out into the yard, and he stopped to give our dog a drink from the garden hose. A neighbor ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 14 June 2007


I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that. "Why?" my daughter asked. "Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's been, it'sdirty and probably has germs" I replied. At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 22 March 2007


After school one day, a young first-grade boy was sitting at the kitchen table, eating his afternoon snack, when he blurted out, "Mom, the teacher was asking me today if I have any brothers or sisters who will be coming to school." The boy's mother replied, "That's nice of her to take such an interest, dear. What did she say when you told her you are an only child?" She just said, "Thank ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 10 March 2008