TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.' MILLIE: I is.. TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.' MILLIE: All...

I've sure gotten old. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, and new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine, and take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and feet anymore. Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92. Have ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 11 December 2006

I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that. "Why?" my daughter asked. "Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's been, it'sdirty and probably has germs" I replied. At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 22 March 2007

A boy who was a witness to a crime was called to testify in court. He was approached by the defense attorney who asked, "Did anyone tell you what to say in court?" "Yes, sir," answered the boy. "I thought so," said the attorney. "Who was it?" "My father, sir." "And what did he tell you?" the attorney asked accusingly. "He said that the lawyers would try to get me all tangled up, but if I told the ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 13 November 2006

Q: How can you tell an extroverted mathematician? A: He stares at YOUR shoes while talking to you. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 30 April 2008

Two guys walk into a bar, separately, and have a seat at the bar. One guy notices the other has a black eye, just like him. “Hey buddy, how’d you get your shiner?” “Well, I was at the train station, and the ticket girl was veeery hot. And instead of two tickets to Pittsburg, I slipped and said ‘two PICKets to TITTsburg’ and she hit me square in the face. How ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Sunday, 24 August 2008

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said: - You have been a good cat all these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking. The cat thought for a minute and then said: - All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on. God said: - Say no more. Instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow. A few days later, ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 30 March 2005

I am rejecting your rejection Dear Sir / Madam Thank you for your letter of 4 September 2003. After careful consideration I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment with your company. This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates it is ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 8 March 2005

All the scientists die and go to heaven. They decide to play hide-n-seek. Unfortunately Einstein is the one who has the den. He is supposed to count up to 100 and then start searching. Everyone starts hiding except Newton. Newton just draws a square of 1 meter and stands in it right in front of Einstein. Einstein's counting: 1,2,3..97,98,99,100. He opens his eyes and finds Newton standing in ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 5 September 2005

The phone rang. It was a salesman from a mortgage refinance company. "Do you have a second mortgage on your home?" "No," I replied. "Would you like to consolidate all your debts?" "I really don't have any," I said. "How about freeing up cash for home improvements?" he tried. "I don't need any. I just recently had some done and paid cash," I parried. There was a brief silence, and then he asked, ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 2 February 2007

On some air bases, the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?" The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an American ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 10 July 2007

FEMALE PRAYER Before I lay me down to sleep, I pray for a man, who's not a creep, One who's handsome, smart and strong One who loves to listen long, One who thinks before he speaks, One who'll call, not wait for weeks. I pray he's gainfully employed, When I spend his cash, won't be annoyed. Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages me back and begs to do more. Oh! Send me ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 23 August 2005

Problem: Expand expression (a+b)n See for yourself what solution our student has found. ... Also our teacher's comment, written with red. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 17 August 2006

First-year students at Texas A&M's Vet School were receiving theirfirst anatomy class, with a real dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet. The professor started the class by telling them: - In vet medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: the first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 2 May 2007

"I just don't understand it", an Irish footballer complained... "One match I play very well, and then the next match I'm terrible". "Well", said his wife, "why don't you just play every other match?" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 30 April 2008

Stephen Spielberg is casting for a new film based around the great composers. Anyway to give the film a twist and some "oomph" he decides to cast the parts to the great action heroes of today. He calls Stallone, Arnie, Bruce Willis and Seagal into his office to hear who they would like to play. - Well, started Stallone, I've always admired Mozart. I would love to play him. - Chopin has always ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 23 November 2005