About five years ago, the battery in my beat-up VW Beetle had died because I left the lights on overnight. I was in a hurry to...
proposed: 18 Jan 2008
About five years ago, the battery in my
beat-up VW Beetle had died because I
left the lights on overnight. I was in a
hurry to get to work on time, so I ran
into the house to get my wife to give me
a hand in starting the car.
I
told her to get into our second car, a
prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and
use it to push my car fast enough to
start it. I pointed out to her that
because the VW had an automatic
transmission, it needed to be pushed at
least 30 MPH for it to start. She said
fine, hopped into her car, and drove
off.
I sat there fuming,
wondering what she could be doing. A
minute passed by, and when I saw her in
the rear view mirror coming at me at
about 40 MPH, I realized that I should
have been a bit more clear with my
directions!
Have you heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as Area 51? Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were [...]
previous joke A school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says [...]
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CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders
up & down the aisles..
The sales girl notices him and asks him
if she can help him. He answers that he
is looking for a box of tampons for his
wife. She directs him down the correct
aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge
bag of cotton balls and a ball of string
on the counter.
She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you
were
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Sunday, 30 May 2010
Q: What's the difference between biology
and sociology?
A: When the baby looks like his dad or
mom, then it is biology. When the baby
looks like the neighbour, then it is
sociology.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 5 February 2007
TEACHER: George Washington not only
chopped down his father's cherry tree,
but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you
know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe
in his hand.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 1 May 2009
A crew of highway maintenance workers
was sent to repair some road signs that
vandals had knocked down in a forested
area. The first one they put back up was
a symbol warning of a deer crossing.
As they moved down the road to repair
the next sign, one crew member looked
back and spotted a deer running across
the highway.
She turned to a co-worker and said, "I
wonder how long he's been waiting to
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 11 June 2007
Friends of women:
A wife was not at home for a whole
night. So she tells her husband, the
very next morning, that she stayed at
her girlfriend's apartment over
night. So the husband calls 10 of her
best girlfriends and none of them
confirm that.
Friends of men:
A husband was not at home for a whole
night. So he tells his wife the very
next morning, that he stayed at his
friend's
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 28 September 2004
FEMALE PRAYER
Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man, who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's gainfully employed,
When I spend his cash, won't be
annoyed.
Pulls out my chair and opens my door,
Massages me back and begs to do more.
Oh! Send me
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 23 August 2005
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing
problems for a number of years. He went
to the doctor and the doctor was able to
have him fitted for a set of hearing
aids that allowed the gentleman to hear
100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a
month to the doctor and the doctor said:
- Your hearing is perfect. Your family
must be really pleased that you can hear
again.
To which the gentleman
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 19 November 2013
An engineer was crossing a road one-day
when a frog called out to him and said:
- If you kiss me, I'll turn into a
beautiful princess.
He bent over, picked up the frog and put
it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said:
- If you kiss me and turn me back into a
beautiful princess, I will stay with you
for one week.
The engineer took the frog out of his
pocket, smiled at it and returned
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 31 March 2005
A guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan
meets him, shows him doors to three
rooms, and says he must choose one spend
eternity in.
In the first room, people are standing
in shit up to their necks. The guy says
"no, let me see the next room."
In the second room, people are standing
with shit up to their noses. Guy says no
again.
Finally, Satan opens the door to the
third room. People are standing
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 2 February 2006
The truth about working in the IT
industry:
1. We work weird (night) shifts...
2. They pay you to make the client
happy...
3. The client pays a lot of money, but
your employer keeps almost every
penny...
4. You are rewarded for fulfilling the
client's dreams...
5. Your friends fall apart and you end
up hanging out with people in the same
profession as you...
6. When you have to meet the client
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 27 November 2006
A simple friend, when visiting, acts
like a guest.
A real friend opens your refrigerator
and helps himself.
A simple friend has never seen you cry.
A real friend has shoulders soggy from
your tears.
A simple friend doesn't know your
parents'
first names.
A real friend has their phone numbers in
his address book.
A simple friend brings a bottle of wine
to your party.
A real friend comes
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 5 May 2005
A father was trying to teach his young
son the evils of alcohol.
He put one worm in a glass of water and
another worm in a glass of
whiskey. The worm in the water lived,
while the one in the whiskey
curled up and died.
"All right, son," asked the father,
"what does that show you?"
"Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink
alcohol, you will not have
worms."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 18 August 2008
My girlfriend called me as she was
driving to an appointment. She arrived,
and I could tell from her voice that she
was getting frustrated. Finally she
said:
- I know I had my cell phone with me.
And
now I can't find it!
I replied:
- Aren't you talking on it!?
There was a solid period of stunned
silence as the reality of the situation
sank in - followed by:
- You are NOT going to tell anybody
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 1 February 2008
Mr. Gable had a leak in the roof over
his dining room, so he called a
repairman to take a look at it. "When
did you first notice the leak?" the
repairman inquired.
Mr. Gable scowled. "Last night, when it
took me two hours to finish my soup!"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 12 October 2006