Students at a school were asked to write about the harmful effects of oil on fish. One 11-year-old wrote, When my mom opened a...

UNDERSTANDING WOMEN (A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE) I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 13 May 2010

An English professor wrote the words : "A woman without her man is nothing" on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly. All of the males in the class wrote: "A woman, without her man, is nothing." All the females in the class wrote: "A woman: without her, man is nothing." Punctuation is powerful ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 31 August 2004

A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed, and left for dead. She described the situation in vivid detail so her students would catch the drama. Then she asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?" A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 2 May 2007

Heaven is where the police are British, the chefs Italian, the mechanics German, the lovers French and it is all organized by the Swiss. Hell is where police are German, the chefs British, the mechanics French, the lovers Swiss and it is all organized by the Italians. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 29 November 2005

FINAL EXAM The student reports for his university final examination that consists of yes/no type questions. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes and then, in a fit of inspiration, takes out a coin and starts tossing it, marking the answer sheet: Yes, for Heads, and! No, for Tails. Within half an hour he is all done, whereas the rest of the ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 31 August 2004

A mother and a daughter are shopping in the mall, when the mother eyes an expensive fur coat. "This year," she says, "I think that I will buy my present instead of making you and Dad shop for me." The daughter nods in agreement. "And I think this fur coat would be perfect too." The daughter protests, "But Mom, some helpless, poor creature has to suffer so that you can have this." "Don't worry, ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 7 February 2008

A man is walking along a cliff and all of a sudden loses his balance, slips, and falls off. Fortunately, he has the presence of mind to grab on to the edge, and he's hanging there for dear life. He hangs and hangs an finally yells out: "Is there anybody up there who can help me?" There's no answer. He keeps calling and calling. "Is there anybody up there who can help me?". Finally this big ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 20 August 2007

Woman's revenge... - Cash, check or charge? I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. - So, do you always carry your TV remote? I asked. - No, she replied, but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 7 May 2010

When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the psychiatrist began his therapy session. "I'm not aware of your problem," the doctor said. "So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning." "Of course," replied the patient. "In the beginning, I created the heavens and the earth..." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 19 July 2007

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America. MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America? CLASS: Maria. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 26 November 2008

News from Heaven: Due to the current financial crisis facing the world at the moment, the light at the end of the tunnel will be switched off to save on electricity costs, until further notice. Sincerely yours, God ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 21 November 2008

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say -- talk in your sleep. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 5 October 2006

Five Jews changed the way you see the world... - Moses: The Law is everything. - Jesus: Love is everything. - Marx: Money is everything. - Freud: Sex is everything. - Einstein: Everything is relative. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 14 February 2005

Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 31 March 2005

1. Project Manager is a person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in one month. 2. Developer is a person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a baby. 3. Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks a single woman can deliver nine babies in one month. 4. Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby. 5. Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 11 April 2005