A hamster and a rat were sitting on the side of a swimming pool. They were enjoying the sun. Suddenly the rat turned to the...
proposed: 8 Sep 2004
Some lines:
1. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in
a parallel universe.
2. On the other hand, it's better to
have fingers than toes.
3. A day without sunshine is like. ..
night!
4. How many of you believe in
psycho-kenisis? Raise my hand.
5. Everyone has a photographic memory,
but some don't have any film.
6. When everything is coming your way.
.. you're in the wrong lane.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 17 August 2006
A father was trying to teach his young
son the evils of alcohol.
He put one worm in a glass of water and
another worm in a glass of
whiskey. The worm in the water lived,
while the one in the whiskey
curled up and died.
"All right, son," asked the father,
"what does that show you?"
"Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink
alcohol, you will not have
worms."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 18 August 2008
There is an old story about a mother who
walks in on her six-year-old son and
finds him sobbing. "What's the matter?"
she asks.
"I've just figured out how to tie my
shoes."
"Well, honey, that's wonderful." Being a
wise mother, she recognizes his victory
in the Eriksonian struggle of autonomy
versus doubt: "You're growing up, but
why are you crying?"
"Because," he says, "now I'll have to do
it
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 20 April 2007
Jack, who is a smart businessman, talks
to his son
Jack: I want you to marry a girl of my
choice
Son: "I will choose my own bride!"
Jack: "But the girl is Bill Gates's
daughter."
Son: "Well, in that case..."
Next Jack approaches Bill Gates.
Jack: "I have a husband for your
daughter."
Bill Gates: "But my daughter is too
young to marry!"
Jack: "But this young man is a
vice-president of
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 29 September 2005
A Polish man moved to the USA and
married an American girl. Although his
English was far from perfect, they got
along very well until one day he rushed
into a lawyer's office and asked him if
he could arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce
would depend on the circumstances, and
asked him the following questions:
- Have you any grounds?
- Yes, an acre and half and nice
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 16 January 2007
A man is waiting in line for a hit
movie. Behind him are two women. The
usher comes along and says that he has
two seats together. Seeing the problem,
the usher says to the man, "Let them go
first. You wouldn't want to separate a
woman from her mother, would you?"
The man says, "No, sir. I did that once,
and I've been sorry ever since."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 1 April 2008
The Programmer's drinking song:
99 little bugs in the code,
99 bugs in the code,
Fix one bug, compile it again,
101 little bugs in the code.
101 little bugs in the code,
101 bugs in the code,
Fix one bug, compile it again,
103 little bugs in the code.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 16 October 2006
A new young bride calls her mother in
tears.
She sobs:
- Robert doesn't appreciate what I
do for him.
- Now, now,. ..her mother comforted, I
am sure it was all just a
misunderstanding.
- No, mother, you don't understand.
I bought a frozen turkey roll and he
yelled and screamed at me about the
price!
- Well, the nerve of that lousy
cheapskate! says her mom. Those turkey
rolls are only a
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 12 April 2005
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN
DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY
WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Tran substantiate
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO
SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 22 May 2008
Sweetheart:
I can't send my salary this month,
so I am sending 100 kisses. You are my
sweetheart.
Your husband,
Allen
...
His wife replied back after some days to
her husband:
Dearest sweetheart,
Thanks for your 100 kisses, I am sending
the expenses details:
1. The Milk man agreed on 2 kisses for
one month's milk.
2. The electricity man only agreed after
7 kisses.
3. Your house owner
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 13 September 2005
A guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan
meets him, shows him doors to three
rooms, and says he must choose one spend
eternity in.
In the first room, people are standing
in shit up to their necks. The guy says
"no, let me see the next room."
In the second room, people are standing
with shit up to their noses. Guy says no
again.
Finally, Satan opens the door to the
third room. People are standing
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 2 February 2006
Students at a school were asked to write
about the harmful effects of oil on
fish.
One 11-year-old wrote, "When my mom
opened a tin of sardines last night, it
was full of oil and all the sardines
were dead."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 4 May 2007
I recall a time when my son was about 18
months old. I had him strapped into a
backpack and was rushing to catch the
bus. Apparently I mis-stepped and fell
down an entire flight of stairs (13 to
be exact). I was bruised and bleeding
and had torn my jeans ... but my main
concern was, naturally, for my child.
My fears were alleviated, though, when
from behind me I heard a gleeful giggle
followed
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 13 August 2008
A ragged individual stranded for several
months on a small desert island in the
middle of the Pacific Ocean noticed a
bottle lying in the sand with a piece of
paper in it. Rushing to the bottle, he
pulled out the cork and with shaking
hands withdrew the message.
"Due to lack of maintenance," he read,
"we regretfully have found it necessary
to cancel your e-mail account."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 23 May 2007