A man visited a psychiatrist to talk about his dreams. Every night, the man said, I dream that these three hideous monsters...

Joke from category: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

proposed: 9 Mar 2007

A man visited a psychiatrist to talk about his dreams.
"Every night," the man said, "I dream that these three hideous monsters are sitting on the edge of my bed, ready to attack me."
"Hmmm," said the doctor. "I feel sure I can cure you of this problem. But the treatment will cost you somewhere between twenty-five and thirty thousand dollars."
"Thirty thousand dollars!" the man gasped. "Never mind getting rid of the monsters, Doctor. I think I'll go home and try to make friends with them!"

Each Friday night after work, Bubba would fire up his outdoor grill and cook venison steak. But all of Bubba's neighbors were Catholic, and since it was Lent, they were forbidden from eating red meat [...]
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I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that. Why? [...]
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An American tourist in London found himself needing to take a leak, something terrible. After a long search he just couldn't find any public bathroom to relieve himself. So he went down one of the side streets to take care of business. Just as he was unzipping, a London police officer showed up.
"Look here, old chap, what are you doing?" the officer asked."
"I'm sorry," the American ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 31 August 2004


If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, itwill always be yours. If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with. But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn't appear to realize that you had set it free... You either married it or gave birth to it ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 9 August 2007


Stephen Spielberg is casting for a new film based around the great composers. Anyway to give the film a twist and some "oomph" he decides to cast the parts to the great action heroes of today. He calls Stallone, Arnie, Bruce Willis and Seagal into his office to hear who they would like to play.
- Well, started Stallone, I've always admired Mozart. I would love to play him.
- Chopin has always ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 23 November 2005


You Know You Have a Bad Computer When...
10. The lower corner of screen has the words "Etch A Sketch" on it.
9. When you insert a disk, it spits out a pack of cigarettes.
8. You have to pedal it.
7. The manual contains one sentence: "Good luck!"
6. The only chip inside came from a bag of Doritos.
5. When you turn it on, the dogs in the neighborhood start howling.
4. You catch a virus from ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 20 August 2007


Our pastor, an avid golfer, was once
taking part in a local tournament. As he
was preparing to tee off, the organizer
of the tournament approached him and
pointed to the dark, threatening storm ...Our pastor, an avid golfer, was once taking part in a local tournament. As he was preparing to tee off, the organizer of the tournament approached him and pointed to the dark, threatening storm clouds that were gathering.
"Preacher," the organizer said, "I trust you'll see to it that the weather won't turn bad on us."
Our pastor shook his head. "Sorry," he replied. "I'm sales, not management!" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 29 October 2008


In a class on abnormal psychology, the instructor was about to introduce the subject of manic depression.
The instructor asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth, screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?"
A young man in the rear raised his hand and suggested earnestly, "A basketball coach?" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 4 December 2006


Have you heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security, super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51"?

Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret" base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the pilot into an interrogation room.

The pilot's story was that he took off from Las Vegas, got lost, ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 10 December 2007


Success is just like being pregnant.
Everybody congratulates you but nobody knows how many times you tried! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 24 July 2009


Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don't have eyes....... ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 18 October 2004


On the first day of school, the teacher asked a student:
- What are your parents' names?
The student replied:
- My father's name is Laughing and my mother's name is Smiling.
The teacher said:
- Are you kidding?
The student said:
- No, Kidding is my brother. I am Joking. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 19 March 2015


One spelling mistake can destroy your life!
A husband wrote a message to his wife on his business trip and forgot to
add 'e' at the end of a word...
"I am having such a wonderful time! I wish you were her..." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 7 April 2011


Some lines:

1. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

2. On the other hand, it's better to have fingers than toes.

3. A day without sunshine is like. .. night!

4. How many of you believe in psycho-kenisis? Raise my hand.

5. Everyone has a photographic memory, but some don't have any film.

6. When everything is coming your way. .. you're in the wrong lane. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 17 August 2006


A man visited a psychiatrist to talk about his dreams.
"Every night," the man said, "I dream that these three hideous monsters are sitting on the edge of my bed, ready to attack me."
"Hmmm," said the doctor. "I feel sure I can cure you of this problem. But the treatment will cost you somewhere between twenty-five and thirty thousand dollars."
"Thirty thousand dollars!" the man gasped. "Never ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 9 March 2007


There were these three nuns that were killed in a traffic accident, and immediately sent to the Pearly Gates.
As St. Peter was looking over their files, he said, "You ladies have been very good, but before I can let you in, you have to answer a question." So he asks the first nun,
- "What was the name of the first man that God created?"
- "Adam," she replied. The lights started flashing, ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 5 June 2006


One night while I was cat-sitting my daughter's indoor feline, it escaped outside. When it failed to return the following morning, I found the beast clinging to a branch about 30 feet up in a spindly tree. Unable to lure it down, I called the fire department.
"We don't do that anymore," the woman dispatcher said. When I persisted, she was polite but firm. "The cat will come down when it gets ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 30 January 2007