A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well... Bancuri in Engleza (English)

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him.
The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:
- Have you any grounds?
- Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.
- No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
- It made of concrete.
- I don't think you understand. Does either of you have a real grudge?
- No, we have carport, and not need one.
- I mean. What are your relations like?
- All my relations still in Poland.
- Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
- We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.
- Does your wife beat you up?
- No, I always up before her.
- Is your wife a nagger?
- No, she white.
- Why do you want this divorce?
- She going to kill me.
- What makes you think that?
- I got proof.
- What kind of proof?
- She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say: "Polish Remover"

One day Jake, a nine-year-old, asked to pack his own lunch for school. His mom agreed. But they couldn't agree on what he should pack, so they both made lists. This was the mom's [...]
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A young lady visited the government matchmaker for marriage and requested: "I'm looking for a spouse. Can you please help me to find a suitable one?" The marriage officer said: "Your requirements please." "Well, let me see. Needs to be good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good at singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour, if I ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 27 August 2007

The truth about working in the IT industry: 1. We work weird (night) shifts... 2. They pay you to make the client happy... 3. The client pays a lot of money, but your employer keeps almost every penny... 4. You are rewarded for fulfilling the client's dreams... 5. Your friends fall apart and you end up hanging out with people in the same profession as you... 6. When you have to meet the client ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 27 November 2006

If a man and a woman fell off a 10-story building at the same time, who would reach the ground first? The woman, the man would get lost. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Saturday, 4 June 2011

I went to the cinema the other day and in the front row was an old man and with him was his dog. It was a sad funny kind of film, you know the type. In the sad part, the dog cried his eyes out, and in the funny part, the dog laughed its head off. This happened all the way through the film. After the film had ended, I decided to go and speak to the man: - That's the most amazing thing I've seen, I ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 14 November 2011

Mr. Gable had a leak in the roof over his dining room, so he called a repairman to take a look at it. "When did you first notice the leak?" the repairman inquired. Mr. Gable scowled. "Last night, when it took me two hours to finish my soup!" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 12 October 2006

Man: God? God: Yes!? Man: Can I ask you something? God: Yes. Man: What is for you a million of years? God: A second. Man: And a million of dollars? God: A penny. Man: God, Can you give me a penny? God: Wait a second! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 27 October 2005

TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? CLYDE: No, sir. It's the same dog. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 26 November 2008

My wife's family and I were at a Harding University football game. Every time someone carried the ball or made a tackle, the announcer would broadcast who had made the play. Near the beginning of the third quarter after the announcer called a play, my niece, Madison, looked up at my wife and innocently asked, "Is that God talking?" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 22 November 2006

Once upon a time there were two brothers. One brother was very mischievous, always getting into trouble. The other brother, however, was very good. He was always kind to animals, helped elderly neighbors, and led an exemplary life. As time went on, the brothers stayed in touch but were never close. The evil brother became a heavy drinker and a womanizer. The other brother was a devoted ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 6 April 2006

Woman's revenge... - Cash, check or charge? I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. - So, do you always carry your TV remote? I asked. - No, she replied, but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 7 May 2010

After buying her kids a pet hamster, after they PROMISED they would take care of it, Mom, as usual, ended up with the responsibility. One evening, exasperated, she asked them, "How many times do you think that hamster would have died if I hadn't looked after it?" After a moment, her youngest son replied quizzically, "Once?" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 22 August 2007

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady near a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said: "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee." I said: "Well, then why are you crying?" She said: "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 24 February 2005

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, itwill always be yours. If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with. But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn't appear to realize that you had set it free... You either married it or gave birth to it ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 9 August 2007

A Sunday school teacher was telling her class the story of the Good Samaritan, in which a man was beaten, robbed, and left for dead. She described the situation in vivid detail so her students would catch the drama. Then she asked the class, "If you saw a person lying on the roadside, all wounded and bleeding, what would you do?" A thoughtful little girl broke the hushed silence, "I think I'd ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 2 May 2007

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Innovative 2. Preliminary 3. Proliferation 4. Cinnamon THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Specificity 2. Anti-constitutionalistically 3. Passive-aggressive disorder 4. Tran substantiate THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. No thanks, I'm married. 2. Nope, no more booze for me! 3. Sorry, but you're not really ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 22 May 2008

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl. Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well...

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