I've sure gotten old. I've had two bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, and new knees. Fought prostate cancer and diabetes. I'm...
proposed: 11 Dec 2006
I've sure gotten old. I've had two
bypass surgeries, a hip replacement, and
new knees. Fought prostate cancer and
diabetes. I'm half blind, can't hear
anything quieter than a jet engine, and
take 40 different medications that make
me dizzy, winded, and subject to
blackouts. Have bouts with dementia.
Have poor circulation; hardly feel my
hands and feet anymore. Can't remember
if I'm 85 or 92. Have lost all my
friends. But, thankfully, I still have
my driver's license.
A man drinks a shot of whisky every night before bed. After years of this, his wife wants him to quit; she gets two shot glasses, filling one with water and the other with whisky. After [...]
previous joke One day Jake, a nine-year-old, asked to pack his own lunch for school. His mom agreed. But they couldn't agree on what he should pack, so they both made lists. This was the mom's [...]
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WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife
about how many words women use a day:
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be
because we have to repeat everything to
men...
The husband then turned to his wife and
asked, 'What?'
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Sunday, 30 May 2010
All eyes were on the radiant bride as
her father escorted her down the aisle.
They reached the altar and the waiting
groom; the bride kissed her father and
placed something in his hand. The guests
in the front pews, and the minister,
responded with ripples of laughter. As
her father gave her away in marriage,
the bride had given him back his credit
card.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 28 November 2006
THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN
DRUNK:
1. Innovative
2. Preliminary
3. Proliferation
4. Cinnamon
THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY
WHEN DRUNK:
1. Specificity
2. Anti-constitutionalistically
3. Passive-aggressive disorder
4. Tran substantiate
THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO
SAY WHEN DRUNK:
1. No thanks, I'm married.
2. Nope, no more booze for me!
3. Sorry, but you're not really
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 22 May 2008
Due to increasing products liability
litigation, American liquor
manufacturers have accepted the
FDA's suggestion that the following
warning labels be placed immediately on
all varieties of alcohol containers:
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may
leave you wondering what the hell
happened to your bra and panties.
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may
make you think you are whispering
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 7 March 2005
A new young bride calls her mother in
tears.
She sobs:
- Robert doesn't appreciate what I
do for him.
- Now, now,. ..her mother comforted, I
am sure it was all just a
misunderstanding.
- No, mother, you don't understand.
I bought a frozen turkey roll and he
yelled and screamed at me about the
price!
- Well, the nerve of that lousy
cheapskate! says her mom. Those turkey
rolls are only a
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 12 April 2005
One night while I was cat-sitting my
daughter's indoor feline, it escaped
outside. When it failed to return the
following morning, I found the beast
clinging to a branch about 30 feet up in
a spindly tree. Unable to lure it down,
I called the fire department.
"We don't do that anymore," the woman
dispatcher said. When I persisted, she
was polite but firm. "The cat will come
down when it gets
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 30 January 2007
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an
old lady near a park bench sobbing her
eyes out. I stopped and asked her what
was wrong.
She said: "I have a 22 year old husband
at home. He makes love to me every
morning and then gets up and makes me
pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and
freshly ground coffee."
I said: "Well, then why are you crying?"
She said: "He makes me homemade soup for
lunch and my
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 24 February 2005
My sister, a truck driver, had decided
to get a dog for protection. As she
inspected a likely candidate, the
trainer told her, "He doesn't like men."
Perfect, my sister thought, and took the
dog.
Then one day, two men in a parking lot
approached her, and she watched to see
how her canine bodyguard would react.
Soon it became clear that the trainer
wasn't kidding. As the men got closer,
the dog
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 13 June 2007
Late one night, a man walks into a
dentist's surgery and says, "Excuse me,
can you help me? I think I'm a moth."
Dentist: "You don't need a dentist. You
need a psychiatrist."
Man: "Yes, I know."
Dentist: "So why did you come in here?"
Man: "Well, the light was on."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 9 May 2007
A woman goes into a department store and
tells the salesman she wants a pair of
pink curtains. He assures her they have
a good selection of pink curtains. He
shows her many kinds and different
fabrics of curtains she finally picks
out a pink floral pattern.
The salesman asks, "What size do you
need?"
She says, "15 inch."
He exclaims, "15 INCHES! What room are
they for?"
She says, "It's not for a
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 24 November 2005
A dog walks into an employment agency
and says:
- I'd like to get a job please.
The guy at the employment agency says:
- Wow, you could easily get a job at the
circus, with your talents!
The dog replys:
- What would the circus want with a
plumber?
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 19 November 2013