Heaven is where the police are British, the chefs Italian, the mechanics German, the lovers French and it is all organized by the...

A hamster and a rat were sitting on the side of a swimming pool. They were enjoying the sun. Suddenly the rat turned to the hamster and asked him: Dude, How come people consider me a noisance, and you a pet? How come people pay money to have you, while they are trying to kill me? How come you are considered a cute little animal, while I am considered creepy and disgusting? How come you live in ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 8 September 2004

This is an actual job application that a 75 year old senior citizen submitted to Walmart in Arkansas. They hired him because he was so funny. - - - - - - - - - - - NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard) SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate) DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 21 November 2006

A school teacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Sunday, 27 January 2008

One spelling mistake can destroy your life! A husband wrote a message to his wife on his business trip and forgot to add 'e' at the end of a word... "I am having such a wonderful time! I wish you were her..." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 7 April 2011

A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drive his prize possession, even to the grocery store, which was a few blocks from the house. After she insisted, he finally relented, cautioning her as she departed, "Remember, if you have an accident, the newspaper will print your age." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 25 September 2008

Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency? Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on the corner. Dispatcher: Do you have an address? Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why? ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 12 April 2007

1. Project Manager is a person who thinks nine women can deliver a baby in one month. 2. Developer is a person who thinks it will take 18 months to deliver a baby. 3. Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks a single woman can deliver nine babies in one month. 4. Client is the one who doesn't know why he wants a baby. 5. Marketing Manager is a person who thinks he can deliver a baby even if no ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 11 April 2005

1. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt. 2. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. 3. You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing. 4. A penny saved is a government oversight. 5. The ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 30 May 2005

Unexpected cold snaps had destroyed the buds on my father's young peach tree for two years in a row. This spring, Dad was ready. He replanted the sapling in a large box, mounted it on wheels, and put the tree in the garage whenever the temperature dropped. One warm April day, Dad was wheeling the tree out into the yard, and he stopped to give our dog a drink from the garden hose. A neighbor ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 14 June 2007

FINAL EXAM The student reports for his university final examination that consists of yes/no type questions. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes and then, in a fit of inspiration, takes out a coin and starts tossing it, marking the answer sheet: Yes, for Heads, and! No, for Tails. Within half an hour he is all done, whereas the rest of the ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 31 August 2004

When Charles de Gaulle decided to retire from public life, the British ambassador and his wife threw a gala dinner party in his honor. At the dinner table, the Ambassador’s wife was talking with Madame deGaulle: - Your husband has been such a prominent public figure, such a presence on the French and international scene for so many years! How quiet retirement will seem in comparison. What ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 6 March 2009

A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Cop. He thinks he is smarter than the Cop so he decides to have some fun at the Cop's expense. Cop says: - License and registration, please. Lawyer says: - What for? Cop says: - You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign. Lawyer says: - I slowed down, and no one was coming. Cop says: - Exactly! License and registration, please. Lawyer ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 22 November 2005

Concerned about fitness in my middle 40s, I enrolled in an aerobics class. To my dismay I walked into a room filled with much younger women and decided to combat my nervousness with humor. "I'm here to do my postnatal exercises." The instructor gave me an appraising look. "How old is your baby?" "Twenty-six," I replied. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 13 February 2008

Stephen Spielberg is casting for a new film based around the great composers. Anyway to give the film a twist and some "oomph" he decides to cast the parts to the great action heroes of today. He calls Stallone, Arnie, Bruce Willis and Seagal into his office to hear who they would like to play. - Well, started Stallone, I've always admired Mozart. I would love to play him. - Chopin has always ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 23 November 2005

THE WORLD'S SHORTEST FAIRY TALE: Once upon a time a guy asked a girl: "Will you marry me?" The girl said "NO!" And the guy lived happily ever after and went fishing, hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer whenever he wanted. THE END ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 16 January 2006