A young husband comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: Darling, I have great news: I'm a month...
proposed: 31 Aug 2004
A young husband comes home one night,
and his wife throws her arms around his
neck: "Darling, I have great news: I'm a
month overdue. I think we're going to
have a baby! The doctor gave me a test
today, but until we find out for sure,
we can't tell anybody."
The
next day, a guy from the electric
company rings the door-bell, because the
young couple hasn't paid their last
bill:
"Are you Mrs. Smith?
You're a month overdue, you know!"
"How do YOU know?" stammers the
young woman.
"Well, ma'am, it's
in our files!" says the man from the
electric company.
"What are you
saying? It's in your files?????"
"Absolutely."
"Well, let me
talk to my husband about this tonight."
That night, she tells her
husband about the visit, and he, mad as
a bull, rushes to the electric company
offices the first thing the next
morning.
"What's going on here?
You have it on file that my wife is a
month overdue? What business is that of
yours?" the husband shouts.
"Just calm down," says the clerk,
"it's nothing serious. All you have to
do is pay us."
"PAY you? and if
I refuse?"
"Well, in that case,
sir, we'd have no option but to cut
yours off."
"And what would my
wife do then?" the husband asks.
"I don't know. I guess she'd have to
use a candle."
FINAL EXAM The student reports for his university final examination that consists of yes/no type questions. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five [...]
previous joke An English professor wrote the words : A woman without her man is nothing on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly. All of the males in the class wrote: [...]
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If you love something, set it free. If
it comes back, itwill always be yours.
If it doesn't come back, it was never
yours to begin with. But, if it just
sits in your living room, messes up your
stuff, eats your food, uses your
telephone, takes your money, and doesn't
appear to realize that you had set it
free... You either married it or gave
birth to it
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 9 August 2007
Last night I went to a 24-hour grocery.
When I got there, the guy was locking
the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign
says you're open 24 hours." He goes:
"Not in a row!"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 2 February 2006
A young lady visited the government
matchmaker for marriage and requested:
"I'm looking for a spouse. Can you
please help me to find a suitable one?"
The marriage officer said: "Your
requirements please."
"Well, let me see. Needs to be good
looking, polite, humorous, sporty,
knowledgeable, good at singing and
dancing.
Willing to accompany me the whole day at
home during my leisure hour, if I
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 27 August 2007
A woman goes into a department store and
tells the salesman she wants a pair of
pink curtains. He assures her they have
a good selection of pink curtains. He
shows her many kinds and different
fabrics of curtains she finally picks
out a pink floral pattern.
The salesman asks, "What size do you
need?"
She says, "15 inch."
He exclaims, "15 INCHES! What room are
they for?"
She says, "It's not for a
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 24 November 2005
At a U2 concert in Ireland, Bono (the
lead singer) asks the audience for some
quiet. Then he starts to slowly clap his
hands. Holding the audience in total
silence, he says into the microphone...
"I want you to think about something.
Every time I clap my hands, a child in
Africa dies."
A voice from the front of the audience
yells out...
"Then ****** stop clapping, ya
********!"
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 19 June 2007
FINAL EXAM
The student reports for his university
final examination that consists of
yes/no type questions. He takes his
seat in the examination hall, stares at
the question paper for five minutes and
then, in a fit of inspiration, takes out
a coin and starts tossing it, marking
the answer sheet: Yes, for Heads, and!
No, for Tails. Within half an hour he
is all done, whereas the rest of the
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 31 August 2004
My sister, a truck driver, had decided
to get a dog for protection. As she
inspected a likely candidate, the
trainer told her, "He doesn't like men."
Perfect, my sister thought, and took the
dog.
Then one day, two men in a parking lot
approached her, and she watched to see
how her canine bodyguard would react.
Soon it became clear that the trainer
wasn't kidding. As the men got closer,
the dog
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 13 June 2007
Jack and Max are walking from religious
service. Jack wonders whether it would
be all right to smoke while praying. Max
replies, "Why don't you ask the
Priest?" So Jack goes up to the Priest
and asks, "Priest, may I smoke while I
pray?"
But the Priest says, "No, my son, you
may not. That's utter disrespect to
our religion."
Jack goes back to his friend and tells
him what the good Priest
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 1 September 2004
Fifteen days ago, I read that smoking
can kill you.
The next day I stopped smoking.
Twelve days ago, I read that too much
red meat can kill you.
The next day I stopped eating red meat.
Eight days ago, I read that drinking can
kill you. The next day I stopped
drinking.
Yesterday, I read that even the air can
kill you.
This morning I stopped reading.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 25 April 2005
Lady: Is this my train?
Station Master: No, it belongs to the
Railway Company.
Lady: Don't try to be funny. I mean to
ask if I can take this train to New
Delhi.
Station Master: No Madam, I'm afraid
it's too heavy.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 27 February 2007
Have you heard of the Air Force's
ultra-high-security, super-secret base
in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51"?
Well, late one afternoon, the Air Force
folks out at Area 51 were very surprised
to see a Cessna landing at their
"secret" base. They immediately
impounded the aircraft and hauled the
pilot into an interrogation room.
The pilot's story was that he took off
from Las Vegas, got lost, and
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 10 December 2007
Late one night, a man walks into a
dentist's surgery and says, "Excuse me,
can you help me? I think I'm a moth."
Dentist: "You don't need a dentist. You
need a psychiatrist."
Man: "Yes, I know."
Dentist: "So why did you come in here?"
Man: "Well, the light was on."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 9 May 2007
A man is waiting in line for a hit
movie. Behind him are two women. The
usher comes along and says that he has
two seats together. Seeing the problem,
the usher says to the man, "Let them go
first. You wouldn't want to separate a
woman from her mother, would you?"
The man says, "No, sir. I did that once,
and I've been sorry ever since."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 1 April 2008