A young husband comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: Darling, I have great news: I'm a month...
proposed: 31 Aug 2004
A young husband comes home one night,
and his wife throws her arms around his
neck: "Darling, I have great news: I'm a
month overdue. I think we're going to
have a baby! The doctor gave me a test
today, but until we find out for sure,
we can't tell anybody."
The
next day, a guy from the electric
company rings the door-bell, because the
young couple hasn't paid their last
bill:
"Are you Mrs. Smith?
You're a month overdue, you know!"
"How do YOU know?" stammers the
young woman.
"Well, ma'am, it's
in our files!" says the man from the
electric company.
"What are you
saying? It's in your files?????"
"Absolutely."
"Well, let me
talk to my husband about this tonight."
That night, she tells her
husband about the visit, and he, mad as
a bull, rushes to the electric company
offices the first thing the next
morning.
"What's going on here?
You have it on file that my wife is a
month overdue? What business is that of
yours?" the husband shouts.
"Just calm down," says the clerk,
"it's nothing serious. All you have to
do is pay us."
"PAY you? and if
I refuse?"
"Well, in that case,
sir, we'd have no option but to cut
yours off."
"And what would my
wife do then?" the husband asks.
"I don't know. I guess she'd have to
use a candle."
FINAL EXAM The student reports for his university final examination that consists of yes/no type questions. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five [...]
previous joke An English professor wrote the words : A woman without her man is nothing on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly. All of the males in the class wrote: [...]
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Once upon a time there were two
brothers.
One brother was very mischievous, always
getting into trouble.
The other brother, however, was very
good. He was always kind to animals,
helped elderly neighbors, and led an
exemplary life.
As time went on, the brothers stayed in
touch but were never close.
The evil brother became a heavy drinker
and a womanizer.
The other brother was a devoted
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 6 April 2006
My grandmother is a computer geek. She
also has trouble remembering quickly
sometimes. One day she couldn't think of
what she wanted to tell us.
Mom explained, "Your grandma is trying
to retrieve the information, but it is
taking awhile. Evidently she hasn't
defragmented her hard drive lately."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 8 October 2007
3 Little Pigs - The Untold Story
This is classic - a true story, proving
how fascinating is the mind of a six
year old. They think so logically.
A teacher was reading the story of the
Three Little Pigs to her class. She came
to the part of the story where the first
pig was trying to gather the building
materials for his home. She read,
"...and so the pig went up to the man
with the wheelbarrow
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 31 August 2004
A Czech goes to the optician who shows
him a card with the letters 'C Z W X
N Q S T A C Z'.
"Can you read this?" the optician asks.
"Read it?" the Czech replies, "I even
know the guy."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 31 August 2004
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing
problems for a number of years. He went
to the doctor and the doctor was able to
have him fitted for a set of hearing
aids that allowed the gentleman to hear
100%.
The elderly gentleman went back in a
month to the doctor and the doctor said:
- Your hearing is perfect. Your family
must be really pleased that you can hear
again.
To which the gentleman
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 19 November 2013
Five Jews changed the way you see the
world...
- Moses: The Law is everything.
- Jesus: Love is everything.
- Marx: Money is everything.
- Freud: Sex is everything.
- Einstein: Everything is relative.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 14 February 2005
1. Project Manager is a person who
thinks nine women can deliver a baby in
one month.
2. Developer is a person who thinks it
will take 18 months to deliver a baby.
3. Onsite Coordinator is one who thinks
a single woman can deliver nine babies
in one month.
4. Client is the one who doesn't
know why he wants a baby.
5. Marketing Manager is a person who
thinks he can deliver a baby even if no
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 11 April 2005
This is an actual job application that a
75 year old senior citizen submitted to
Walmart in Arkansas. They hired him
because he was so funny.
- - - - - - - - - - -
NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy Bastard)
SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for
the right woman (or at least one who
will cooperate)
DESIRED POSITION: Company's President or
Vice President. But seriously,
whatever's available. If I was in a
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 21 November 2006
WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife
about how many words women use a day:
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, 'The reason has to be
because we have to repeat everything to
men...
The husband then turned to his wife and
asked, 'What?'
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Sunday, 30 May 2010
On the first day of school, the teacher
asked a student:
- What are your parents' names?
The student replied:
- My father's name is Laughing and my
mother's name is Smiling.
The teacher said:
- Are you kidding?
The student said:
- No, Kidding is my brother. I am
Joking.
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 19 March 2015
A father was trying to teach his young
son the evils of alcohol.
He put one worm in a glass of water and
another worm in a glass of
whiskey. The worm in the water lived,
while the one in the whiskey
curled up and died.
"All right, son," asked the father,
"what does that show you?"
"Well, Dad, it shows that if you drink
alcohol, you will not have
worms."
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 18 August 2008
A man called home to his wife and said,
"Honey I have been asked to go fishing
up in Canada with my boss & several of
his friends. We'll be gone for a
week. This is a good opportunity for me
to get that promotion I've been
wanting so could you please pack enough
clothes for a week and set out my rod
and fishing box? We're leaving from
the office & I will swing by the house
to pick my
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 18 October 2004
THE WORLD'S SHORTEST FAIRY TALE:
Once upon a time a guy asked a girl:
"Will you marry me?" The girl said "NO!"
And the guy lived happily ever after and
went fishing, hunting and played golf a
lot and drank beer whenever he wanted.
THE END
... deschide bancul Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 16 January 2006
A woman goes into a department store and
tells the salesman she wants a pair of
pink curtains. He assures her they have
a good selection of pink curtains. He
shows her many kinds and different
fabrics of curtains she finally picks
out a pink floral pattern.
The salesman asks, "What size do you
need?"
She says, "15 inch."
He exclaims, "15 INCHES! What room are
they for?"
She says, "It's not for a
... read all Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 24 November 2005