Our five senses are incomplete without the sixth: sense of humor. Anonymous

An English professor wrote the words : "A woman without her man is nothing" on the chalkboard and asked his students to punctuate it correctly. All of the males in the class wrote: "A woman, without her man, is nothing." All the females in the class wrote: "A woman: without her, man is nothing." Punctuation is powerful ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 31 August 2004

All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pews, and the minister, responded with ripples of laughter. As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride had given him back his credit card. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 28 November 2006

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 4. The Italians drink excessive amounts of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 11 November 2004

A couple had only been married for two weeks and the husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back." "Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife. "I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face," he answered. I'm going to have a beer." The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 8 August 2007

An eighteen-year-old girl tells her Mom that she has missed her period for two months. Very worried, the mother goes to the drugstore and buys a pregnancy kit. The test result shows that the girl is pregnant. Shouting, crying, the mother says, "Who did this to you? I want to know!" The girl picks up the phone and makes a call. Half an hour later a Ferrari stops in front of their house; a mature ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 18 October 2004

THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Innovative 2. Preliminary 3. Proliferation 4. Cinnamon THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Specificity 2. Anti-constitutionalistically 3. Passive-aggressive disorder 4. Tran substantiate THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. No thanks, I'm married. 2. Nope, no more booze for me! 3. Sorry, but you're not really ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 22 May 2008

A lady about eight months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. So she immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned to a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed even more amused. When, on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested. The case came up in court. The judge asked the man ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 2 July 2007

One spelling mistake can destroy your life! A husband wrote a message to his wife on his business trip and forgot to add 'e' at the end of a word... "I am having such a wonderful time! I wish you were her..." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 7 April 2011

1. There's always a lot to be thankful for if you take time to look for it. For example, I am sitting here thinking how nice it is that wrinkles don't hurt. 2. The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. 3. You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing. 4. A penny saved is a government oversight. 5. The ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 30 May 2005

Dr. Marc Faber, investment guru, concluded his monthly bulletin (June 2008) with the following comments: "The federal government is sending each of us a $600 rebate. If we spend that money at Wal-Mart, the money goes to China. If we spend it on gasoline it goes to the Arabs. If we buy a computer, it will go to India. If we purchase fruits and vegetables it will go to Mexico, Honduras and ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 3 April 2009

TEACHER: Clyde, your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his? CLYDE: No, sir. It's the same dog. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 26 November 2008

A mother and a daughter are shopping in the mall, when the mother eyes an expensive fur coat. "This year," she says, "I think that I will buy my present instead of making you and Dad shop for me." The daughter nods in agreement. "And I think this fur coat would be perfect too." The daughter protests, "But Mom, some helpless, poor creature has to suffer so that you can have this." "Don't worry, ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 7 February 2008

A ragged individual stranded for several months on a small desert island in the middle of the Pacific Ocean noticed a bottle lying in the sand with a piece of paper in it. Rushing to the bottle, he pulled out the cork and with shaking hands withdrew the message. "Due to lack of maintenance," he read, "we regretfully have found it necessary to cancel your e-mail account." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 23 May 2007

Ce ar putea intelege cineva care nu stie engleza atunci cand te aude spunand: "I can't believe you." Raspuns: "Ai Kent, ba Liviu?" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 11 November 2014

Fifteen days ago, I read that smoking can kill you. The next day I stopped smoking. Twelve days ago, I read that too much red meat can kill you. The next day I stopped eating red meat. Eight days ago, I read that drinking can kill you. The next day I stopped drinking. Yesterday, I read that even the air can kill you. This morning I stopped reading. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Monday, 25 April 2005