Fifteen days ago, I read that smoking can kill you. The next day I stopped smoking. Twelve days ago, I read that too much red...

"Davey, what sound does a cow make?" Davey replied, "It goes 'moo.'" "Alice, what sound does a cat make?" Alice said, "It goes 'meow.'" "Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?" Jamie said, "It goes 'baaa.'" "Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?" Jennifer paused, and said, "Uhh. .. it goes. .. 'click!'" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 14 August 2007

- What is the longest word in the English language? - It is the word "smiles", because there is a mile between the first letter and the last! ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Sunday, 20 October 2013

Q: How can you tell an extroverted mathematician? A: He stares at YOUR shoes while talking to you. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 30 April 2008

- Bless me Father, for I have sinned with a woman. The priest asks, "Is that you, little Johnny Parisi?" - Yes, Father, it is. - And who was the woman you were with? - I can't tell you, Father. I don't want to ruin her reputation. - Well, Johnny, I'm sure to find out her name sooner or later, so you may as well tell me now. Was it Tina Minetti? - I cannot say. - Was it Teresa Volpe? - I'll never ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 6 October 2006

On a sunny morning, William's mother came into her son's room and said, "William, it's Sunday. Time to get up! Time to get up and go to church! Get up!" From under the covers came mumbles, "I don't want to go!" "What do you mean?" she said. "That's silly! Now get up and get dressed and go to church!" "No!" he shot back. "I'll give you two reasons. I don't like them and they don't like ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Saturday, 14 July 2007

One day Jake, a nine-year-old, asked to pack his own lunch for school. His mom agreed. But they couldn't agree on what he should pack, so they both made lists. This was the mom's list: One sandwich One apple Pretzels A carton of milk This was Jake's list: Candy Candy Candy Jake agreed to compromise. Sure enough, the next morning, Jake was ready for school and he packed his lunch. His mom came ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Friday, 12 January 2007

An elderly couple, Margaret and Bert, moved to Texas. Bert always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots, so, seeing some on sale, he bought them and wore them home. Walking proudly, he sauntered into the kitchen and said to his wife, "Notice anything different about me?" Margaret looked him over.. "Nope." Frustrated, Bert stormed off into the bathroom, undressed and walked back into the kitchen ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 27 January 2009

Gravitation is not responsible for people falling in love. I never think of the future. It comes soon enough. The only thing that interferes with my learning is my education. Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school. Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe. Wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Tuesday, 12 April 2005

A guy dies and is sent to Hell. Satan meets him, shows him doors to three rooms, and says he must choose one spend eternity in. In the first room, people are standing in shit up to their necks. The guy says "no, let me see the next room." In the second room, people are standing with shit up to their noses. Guy says no again. Finally, Satan opens the door to the third room. People are standing ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 2 February 2006

When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the psychiatrist began his therapy session. "I'm not aware of your problem," the doctor said. "So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning." "Of course," replied the patient. "In the beginning, I created the heavens and the earth..." ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 19 July 2007

If you love something, set it free. If it comes back, itwill always be yours. If it doesn't come back, it was never yours to begin with. But, if it just sits in your living room, messes up your stuff, eats your food, uses your telephone, takes your money, and doesn't appear to realize that you had set it free... You either married it or gave birth to it ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 9 August 2007

A cat died and went to Heaven. God met her at the gates and said: - You have been a good cat all these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking. The cat thought for a minute and then said: - All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard wooden floors. I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on. God said: - Say no more. Instantly the cat had a huge fluffy pillow. A few days later, ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 30 March 2005

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America. MARIA: Here it is. TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America? CLASS: Maria. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 26 November 2008

TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.' MILLIE: I is.. TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.' MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.' ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Wednesday, 26 November 2008

Once upon a time there were two brothers. One brother was very mischievous, always getting into trouble. The other brother, however, was very good. He was always kind to animals, helped elderly neighbors, and led an exemplary life. As time went on, the brothers stayed in touch but were never close. The evil brother became a heavy drinker and a womanizer. The other brother was a devoted ... read all

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Thursday, 6 April 2006