A new store named Husband-Mart opened. Husband-Mart is a store where women can go and choose a husband from among many men. The...

Banc din categoria: Bancuri in Engleza (English)

propus: 30 Nov 2004

A new store named Husband-Mart opened. Husband-Mart is a store where women can go and choose a husband from among many men. The store is composed of six floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flight of stairs. There is, however, a catch. AS you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.

So, this woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that is better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what is further up?" So up she goes.

The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids. The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes.

The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. "Hmm, better," she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?" Up she goes.

The fourth floor sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. "Wow!", exclaims the woman, "very tempting. But, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.

The fifth floor sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. "Oh, mercy me! But just think... what must be awaiting for me on the sixth floor?" So up to the sixth floor she goes.

The sixth floor sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor #1,459,789,015 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at Husband-Mart and have a nice day!

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 3. The Chinese drink very [...]
banc precedent
A wife asked her husband: What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body? He looked at her from head to toes and replied after a pause: I like your sense of humor!
banc urmator

News from Apple

Apple Computers announced today that is has developed a computer chip that can store and play music in women's breast implants.

The iBoob will cost between $499 and $599.

This is considered to be a major breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

Thank to Apple, everyone is now happy. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 28 Noiembrie 2007


Problem: Expand expression (a+b)n <br>
<br>See for yourself what solution our
student has found. <br>... Also our
teacher's comment, written with red.Problem: Expand expression (a+b)n

See for yourself what solution our student has found.
... Also our teacher's comment, written with red. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 17 August 2006


When you have an "I hate My Job" day, try this:

On your way home from work, stop at your pharmacy and go to the thermometer section and purchase a rectal thermometer made by Johnson & Johnson. Be very sure you get this brand. When you get home, lock your doors, draw the curtains and disconnect the phone so you will not be disturbed. Change into very comfortable clothing and sit in your ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 12 Septembrie 2006


Who's your best friend? Just try this experiment... Put your dog and your wife in the trunk of the car for an hour. When you open the trunk, who is really happy to see you? ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 12 Martie 2008


CIGARETTES AND TAMPONS
A man walks into a pharmacy and wanders up & down the aisles..
The sales girl notices him and asks him if she can help him. He answers that he is looking for a box of tampons for his wife. She directs him down the correct aisle.
A few minutes later, he deposits a huge bag of cotton balls and a ball of string on the counter.
She says, confused, 'Sir, I thought you were ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Duminica, 30 Mai 2010


I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that. "Why?" my daughter asked. "Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's been, it'sdirty and probably has germs" I replied. At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 22 Martie 2007


A newlywed farmer and his wife were
visited by her mother, who immediately
demanded an inspection of the place.
While they were walking through the
barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared
up and ...A newlywed farmer and his wife were visited by her mother, who immediately demanded an inspection of the place. While they were walking through the barn, the farmer's mule suddenly reared up and kicked the mother-in-law in the head, killing her instantly.

At the funeral service a few days later, the farmer stood near the casket and greeted folks as they walked by. The pastor noticed that ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 19 Decembrie 2008


Woman's revenge...
- Cash, check or charge? I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
- So, do you always carry your TV remote? I asked.
- No, she replied, but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 7 Mai 2010


What do you get if you cross an insomniac, an agnostic, and a dyslexic?
Someone who stays awake at night wondering if there really is a dog. ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 17 August 2007


A hamster and a rat were sitting on the side of a swimming pool. They were enjoying the sun. Suddenly the rat turned to the hamster and asked him:
Dude,

How come people consider me a noisance, and you a pet?
How come people pay money to have you, while they are trying to kill me?
How come you are considered a cute little animal, while I am considered creepy and disgusting?
How come you ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 8 Septembrie 2004


There were these three nuns that were killed in a traffic accident, and immediately sent to the Pearly Gates.
As St. Peter was looking over their files, he said, "You ladies have been very good, but before I can let you in, you have to answer a question." So he asks the first nun,
- "What was the name of the first man that God created?"
- "Adam," she replied. The lights started flashing, ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 5 Iunie 2006


A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees the little girl being attacked by a pitbull. He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeds in killing the dog and saving the girls live.
A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says:
- You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves a little girl's life"
- But ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 3 Mai 2006


I'm sorry that you haven't gotten much email from me lately. It's because I'm tired. For a couple years I've been blaming it on iron poor blood, lack of vitamins, dieting and a dozen other maladies. But now I found out the real reason. I'm tired because I'm overworked.
The population of this country is 237 million. 104 million are retired. That leaves 133 million to ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 18 Octombrie 2004


Ce ar putea intelege cineva care nu stie engleza atunci cand te aude spunand: "I can't believe you."
Raspuns: "Ai Kent, ba Liviu?" ... deschide bancul

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 11 Noiembrie 2014


A lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Cop. Being a typical lawyer, he thinks he is smarter than the Cop so he decides to have some fun at the Cop's expense.
Cop says:
- License and registration, please.
Lawyer says:
- What for?
Cop says:
- You didn't come to a complete stop at the stop sign.
Lawyer says:
- I slowed down, and no one was coming.
Cop says:
- Exactly! License ... citeste tot

Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 22 Noiembrie 2005