- Are you sure this is british beef? - Of horse it is!
propus: 18 Apr 2013
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing
problems for a number of years. He went
to the doctor and the doctor was able to
have him fitted for a set of hearing
aids that allowed the gentleman to hear
The elderly gentleman
went back in a month to the doctor and
the doctor said:
- Your hearing is
perfect. Your family must be really
pleased that you can hear again.
To which the gentleman ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 19 Noiembrie 2013
A man called 911 and said, "Someone come
quick! My wife fell asleep on the couch
with her mouth open and a mouse ran down
replied, "Calm down, sir. Wave a piece
of cheese over her mouth and maybe the
mouse will come out. An ambulance is on
When the ambulance
arrived, the EMT found the man waving a
fish over his wife's mouth.
"What on earth are you ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 13 August 2008
A new missionary recruit went to
Venezuela for the first time. He was
struggling with the language and didn't
understand a whole lot of what was going
on. Intending to visit one of the local
churches, he got lost, but he eventually
got back on track and found the place.
Having arrived late, the church was
already packed. The only pew left was
the one on the front row.
not to make a fool ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 21 Februarie 2007
A Czech goes to the optician who shows
him a card with the letters 'C Z W X
N Q S T A C Z'.
"Can you read
this?" the optician asks.
it?" the Czech replies, "I even know the
guy." ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 31 August 2004
Manning the computer help desk for the
local school district was my first job.
And though I was just an intern, I took
the job very seriously. But not every
caller took me seriously.
- Can I
talk to a real person? a caller asked.
- I am real, I said.
- Oh, I'm
sorry, the caller said. That was rude of
me. What I meant to say was, could I
talk to someone who actually knows
something? ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Vineri, 14 Martie 2008
Stephen Spielberg is casting for a new
film based around the great composers.
Anyway to give the film a twist and some
"oomph" he decides to cast the parts to
the great action heroes of today. He
calls Stallone, Arnie, Bruce Willis and
Seagal into his office to hear who they
would like to play.
- Well, started
Stallone, I've always admired Mozart. I
would love to play him.
- Chopin has
always ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 23 Noiembrie 2005
In a class on abnormal psychology, the
instructor was about to introduce the
subject of manic depression.
instructor asked, "How would you
diagnose a patient who walks back and
forth, screaming at the top of his lungs
one minute, then sits in a chair weeping
uncontrollably the next?"
man in the rear raised his hand and
suggested earnestly, "A basketball
coach?" ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 4 Decembrie 2006
This year, taxpayers will receive an
Economic Stimulus Payment. This is a
very exciting new program that I will
explain using the Q and A
"Q. What is an Economic
"A. It is money
that the federal government will send to
"Q. Where will the
government get this money?
"Q. So the
government is giving me back my own
"A. No, ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Miercuri, 28 Ianuarie 2009
In order to assure the highest level of
quality work and productivity from
employees it will be our policy to keep
all employees well trained through our
program of SPECIAL HIGH INTENSITY
TRAINING (S.H.I.T) ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Joi, 19 Iulie 2007
Five Jews changed the way you see the
- Moses: The Law is
- Jesus: Love is
- Marx: Money is
- Freud: Sex is
- Einstein: Everything
is relative. ... deschide bancul
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 14 Februarie 2005
A Spanish teacher was explaining to her
class that in Spanish, unlike English,
nouns are designated as either masculine
"House" for instance,
is feminine: "la casa."
however, is masculine: "el lapiz."
student asked, "What gender is
Instead of giving the
answer, the teacher split the class into
two groups, male and female, and asked
them to decide for ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Marti, 5 Iunie 2007
The Liverpool manager flies to Baghdad
to watch a young iraqi play football and
is suitably impressed and arranges him
to come over to Anfield.
weeks later Liverpool are 4-0 down to
Man Utd with only 20 minutes left. The
manager gives the young Iraqi striker
the nod and on he goes.
is a sensation, scores 5 in 20 minutes
and wins the game for Liverpool.
The fans are delighted, ... citeste tot
Bancuri in Engleza (English) Luni, 13 Februarie 2006